Ugh - Where Have I Been

It's been almost two months since I've posted a blog. You would think that meant nothing really exciting has happened in my life.

WRONG.

Here's a little snapshot:

Sarah gave birth to our sweet new baby girl

Took her back to the ER because she stopped breathing

Found out it was just reflux - whew.

Sarah lost her job

My job is crazy

Sarah is adapting to being a stay at home mom

We've had lots of company because of new baby

I feel like there's a lot more, but I can't remember it.

What I do know, is that I have to really start thinking about this blog and if I'm going to keep it up. There's almost no way I can do a daily post. There's just so much going on.

I'm not going to poll you again and ask what you think, mostly because I'm almost certain no one reads this anymore.

Oh well.....

I'll think about it and let you know.

Matthew's Product Review

I've been meaning to put this post up for some time.

But time won.

The south side (right side if you're looking at it) of our house gets very warm. The sun just beats down on it all day and there are no trees (yet) to make any natural shade. We thought

about getting some curtains made with blackout fabric, but who wants long curtains, or drapes, in a bedroom?

(except young women in their 30's who decorate like their mothers in their late 50's - but that's another post.)

So that option was out. So we looked online at blackout shades. We were intrigued by the 3/8" Double Cell Blackout Shades from Selectblinds.com. So we ordered the free samples to get a look and feel of them. We procrastinated for a while because they're not cheap and we were too busy with other improvements. We finally broke down and ordered them. Here's a picture of them.

Not too bad, right? So, let me give you the good, bad and ugly about these pricey little gems.

Pros:

• Wow. They really work. I mean, the room is at least ten degrees cooler than it used to be. It's amazing.
• The installation was so, so, simple to complete. I think I did the second one in about ten minutes. (I was super "cautious" with the first one so it took a little longer. Not to mention I just don't have a ton of necessary tools at my disposal.)
• They're very lightweight.
• They're very good quality.

Cons:

• You have a few choices for mounting: inside, outside and something else. We ordered the inside mount, obviously, but if you order inside mount the blackout isn't 100% blackout. And no one told me this up front. You see, my window measured 34 and 1/4" wide, well, because I got inside mount, they adjusted the measurement to 33 and 3/4" wide. No one really knows why, but there's a gap on each side of the window. The rep told me (after I called them post-installation) they take off standard measurements for inside mount. I wish they would have told me that when I ordered them.
• They look like mini-blinds. And that's never good.
• They're made of paper. Which makes me nervous.
• It's either up or down with these things. No light filtering. Either you have them down like mini-blinds or they're up letting all the heat pour in.
• They're pricey, about $100 per window, for a standard window, plus shipping. One of the windows in the other room is huge, so who knows how much that will be?

When it comes down to it, would I recommend them to you to purchase? Absolutely!! Especially if you live in the heat, although I hear it keeps you warmer in the winter too. They've done wonders for Celie's room. We plan on getting two more for the nursery and then one gigantic one for the dining area.

I hope you enjoyed this review. The next Product Review will feature the Febreze Home Collection!

Shout Out to Twila!

I am obsessive.

Really, really obsessive.

But only about certain things.

Music is one of them. When I find or hear a new song that I love, I play it to death. To. Death. To the point of me hating it. Like, I will burn a rut in a CD. It's crazy. I am bestest friends with the repeat button and an iPod playlist.

(does anyone else obsess like this???)

Well, I'm currently hooked on a song. I'd like to take you back to 1985. I was six years old. The average cost of a new home was $89,000. The average price of a new car was $9,500. Gas was $1.09 per gallon. A stamp was $0.22. John Gotti had Paul Castellano killed and a lady named Twila Paris wrote the song "He Is Exalted."

I don't know how or why, but I am feelin' this song. I love it. I have always loved it. I love everything about it: the words, the chord progression, the harmonies. All of it. And we're singing it this Sunday.

I don't know why I'm so addicted. I think because it's basically all about exalting our God and just telling Him how wonderful He is. I mean, can you really ever tire of that?

"He is exalted, the King is exalted on high.

I will praise Him.

He is exalted, forever exalted, and I will praise His name.

He is the Lord, forever His truth will reign.

Heaven and Earth, rejoice in His holy name.

He is exalted, the King is exalted on high."

It's such a simple song. But I love it.

I.

Love.

It.

I pray the Lord uses it this week in our Worship Service.

Now, I need someone to really update it. Just make it crazy relevant (instrumentally and vocally.) I mean, we can always improve, right?

Is Travis Cottrell, Travis Ducette, Paul Baloche, Brooke Fraser or Charles Billingsley reading this?

Oh, no?

Ok then.

Never Say Never

You know....there are a few phrases I've always been pretty sure I'd never say in my lifetime. For example,

"Sarah, can we go to ANOTHER Dave Matthews concert?? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease???"

or

"I really think you should just try a spiral perm."

and

"When are we going to incorporate snakes during our Worship Services??"

If I did happen to use them, you would know something is very wrong. Very, very wrong. However, a phrase came out of my mouth last night that normally I would have categorized with those listed above. This phrase not only brought complete and total confusion, but also a medium-sized panic attack........and a bit of "dry mouth."

Sarah asked me to take a little bleach and water mixture and clean the rubber seal of our washing machine. It's a front loader and that seal completely surrounds the opening. It stays wet and if not treated properly and routinely can develop minor amounts of mildew. Well, ours had about two or three little, tiny mildew specks. So, I took a toothbrush and my mug of cleaning solution and off I go. It literally took less than 30 seconds and it was all gone.

Well, we had both noticed an odor from the washer. And I thought after this cleaning, it would be gone. Well it wasn't and I began to become concerned. Did we have a leak somewhere? Was something blocking water flow? Who knew?

I'm certainly no appliance repairman. A mechanic? Sure. Can I change the springs and seats in a faucet? Without a problem (shout out to MommaMize.) Can I hang window treatments? Absolutely!

Ahem....

But appliances are where I have to draw the line. So I begin to do a little more research within the body of our washer. Now, keep in mind, this washer was really expensive so I'm reluctant to do anything outside of cleaning the seal and the cartridge where you put all the washing solutions. We've already had to replace the motor board because of power surges to the tune of $300, so I didn't really want to mess anything up.

And then it happened.

The phrase I never thought I'd say.

In a million years.

"Sarah. Can you come in here? I think there's a snake in the washing machine."

I was completely stricken with fear. Mostly because I have a VERY LONG and VERY TUMULTUOUS history with snakes. The moment I said it, Sarah immediately put her shirt (like a face mask) over her mouth. Sorta like she was about to puke at the mere mention of the word. She then says, "What are you DOING??? Call you dad and tell him to get over here NOW!!!! CALL HIM!!!" She started speaking at elevated tones as if I was threatening to throw it on her.

I assure you, I would not EVER touch a snake (especially in a Worship Service.)

My mother, a different story - but not the Worship Service part.

Sarah says, "I'll bring you a knife!!!"

(yes, because that's what I want. I bleeding snake that's trapped in my washer.)

I said, "no, no, no, just bring me a bamboo skewer (what the....) or some tongs!!!" At this point I'm borderline yelling too. And I kept ordering Sarah to stay in the laundry room with me. Not sure what preggy was going to do. EXCEPT, she totally tried to close the door to trap me in there.

I'M SO SURE.

So, I have all my tools ready to make the move. I kept thinking, "how am I going to do this???" What if I can't grab it? What if it slithers away? (Sarah would never do laundry again, by the way.) I knew I had to act quickly.

It was go time!!!

I reached in, grabbed it with the tongs, took a very, very deep breath (you know, because you can't breathe when you're doing stuff like this) and pulled it out.

I started running toward the sink. Why you ask? I have no idea. Especially when the door to the back porch was next to the washer. Sarah of course breaks and runs (read: waddles with purpose) into the living room yelling that she's going to go into labor.

I drop the snake into the sink.

Only to find that it wasn't a snake.

It was an infant sock. It had fallen in between the seal and the barrel and had been soaking in water (and never dried) for TWO AND A HALF YEARS. The stink was unbelievable. Repulsive. Thankfully, it was never near our clothes being washed. It was a white sock that had turned brown and green.

And it totally looked like a little snake curled up in the washer.

No lie.

Let's See....Oh Right, Today Was Awesome.

Beyonce and lovely ladies of Destiny's Child said it best when they said, "I don't think you're ready for this jelly." Well, we're not talking jelly here, folks. We're talking about a day that could go down as the most chaotic of all time.

Truly.

Let me take you back to Friday afternoon.....(insert harp strums)

It's Friday afternoon. I've had approximately 15 conference calls and an iced latte with three shots of espresso.

(that's enough for a straight-up disaster right there)

I was on fire at work. I was zinging people in emails. I was multitasking at every moment. I was making decision after decision. I wasn't taking anything from anybody. I think I wrote and sent at least 439 emails in a four-hour window.

I'll call it, my caffeine-induced tirade.

Anyway, after I came off my high (read: crashed) I spoke with one of our great friends who live in PC Beach. She's a wildly talented makeup artist/mom and he's a former model turned entrepreneur. (They'll love those descriptions. Mostly because they're true, but also because they're being mentioned in my wildly popular blog.)

Wildly popular with Casey, Caryn and Amanda.

Whatever.

Anyway, we haven't seen Pat and Vettie in a while. Mostly because they live an hour and a half from us and she works in Destin and he works in the PC Beach/So Wal area. We used to see them a lot. Before we both had toddlers.

Ah yes......those days.

I adore my daughter, by the way.

So we made plans to meet up on Saturday (today) for a family fun day. We planned to meet at this cool indoor playground at 11:00 est. Well, after those plans were made, I remembered I was supposed to help my grandmother at 10:00. I thought that I could just tell her, "Hey, we're meeting some friends over in PC Beach so I won't be able to help you today."

HA!

Me not helping her was NOT an option. And that's ok. She's my grandmother and I'd do anything for her. So I texted famous friends back to postpone the meeting time by an hour and a half.

Fine.

No problem.

One of Celie's most favorite things is pancakes. Sarah decided to take her to McDonald's to get an order of their pancakes. So they leave to go do that. Keep in mind, it's about a 12 minute drive to McDonald's from my house. I asked Sarah to get me something too since it's been about 2 months since I've had anything for breakfast from McDonald's. Forty minutes later, they get back. You see, our McDonald's is managed/run by people whose brain power matches that of a bottle of goat's milk. Sarah starts pulling everything out of the bag including the pancake box.

Which contained no pancakes.

Considering she's in her final two weeks of pregnancy, this didn't go over well and I immediately jumped in my car to go pick them up. I mean, my little girl wanted pancakes. We paid for pancakes. She's gettin' some pancakes. On the way, I discover that my tire has a leak and I had no quarters to get any air.

(air should be free.)

So we finish breakfast and Sarah decides to come along and bring Celie and use the pool while I help G-ma. (Harmless plan, right?) So we get there at a little after 10:00. Pool is locked with a combination lock and chain. (I mean, come on.) I drive to G-ma's house in her car to get the key to her community pool. Drive back to where I was helping her, give Sarah the key and off she and Celie go. By this time, it's 11:00. I call Sarah at 11:30 and tell her to make her way back to the house because I would be ready to leave shortly.

She gets back to the house with a fully dressed and ready Celie and a bathing suit clad, towel-wrapped and wet Sarah. Sarah goes to change in the outdoor shower area.

LOCKED WITH ANOTHER LOCK.

I say, "just get in and you can change in the car on the way. We'll be in the middle of no where in a minute anyway." She wasn't too keen on the idea, but got in anyway.

I'd like to remind everyone at this point that Sarah is NINE MONTHS PREGNANT, Celie should be eating lunch in thirty minutes and taking a nap by 1:00.

Part of my plan was that Celie would be tuckered out at the pool and would sleep on the way to PC Beach and by the time she woke up, we'd be there.

I love a good plan.

(side note, I love a good plan that works.)

Off we go. I stop three blocks up the road to get a little gas. I get my gas and pull out. Celie complains that her shorts are too tight (a common occurrence these days.) I pull over and take off her shorts.

Celie falls asleep by the time we get onto the Air Force Base. No one is around and Sarah starts to change. (This is really funny by the way.) Cars are approaching. Sarah is so fed up that she doesn't even attempt to cover up so there are about four families from Alabama who got a real treat today.

Celie wakes up coughing and can't get situated again and starts crying. A lot. Complains of something in her car seat. I pull over when we get off base at the first bank I see. I take Celie out of the car seat, make sure her panties are halfway up her hiney (which they were) and re situate her in the seat.

She's still crying. It's all because she should be sleeping at this point.

(who's idea was this anyway??????)

Celie begins to complain of her stomach hurting and needs to "go poo poo in the potty." I make a complete detour to our local Target. I pull up to the side of Target. Sarah gets out and gets half-naked Celie out of the car seat. She puts her in the front seat to put on different shorts. Meanwhile, I don't have the car in park so I can't really move. Not one, not two, but about three gusts of wind come and blow Sarah's dress up each and every time.

It's awesome.

She takes Celie in who refuses to use it because there are too many people. I texted our friends to let them know that we're going to be an extra thirty minutes late because we weren't even close yet.

Celie continues to cry the entire way to the playground, but when we got there, miraculously, everything was ok. The playground was fun and new and very nice. It had about six huge inflatable jumpers and obstacle courses in there and for only $5.00, who wouldn't love it? So Celie jumps and plays with her friend Cooper, Pat and Vettie's son. We decide that it's time to go have lunch and off we drive to the local Red Robin.

Yummmmmmmmmmm (like the commercial.)

It's packed. The kids are cranky. Sarah's cranky. We walk in to behold THE GIANT ROBIN MASCOT. The kids freak but are intrigued. They both got bouncy balls at the playground that are dropping all over the place and bouncing up to heaven and back. Well, we put our names down and wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And wait.

We finally got a booth.

A booth that was directly under the largest a/c vent in America. Pat thinks he might come down with pneumonia because of all the direct wind. And I mean WIND. Sarah goes to use the restroom (shock) and almost falls down because the floors are so slippery with no signage.

I then take Celie to the restroom who, in fact, falls three times because of the floors. We finish our meal, say goodbye to our friends and go to take Celie to ride the merry-go-round. I am carrying Celie because we're in a very busy parking lot and step off the curb unexpectedly and totally throw my back out.

After that little ride on the merry-go-round, which was just next door, we head home. Celie falls asleep before we even pull out of the parking lot. She sleeps almost the entire way home until she shifts too hard and wakes herself back in the Air Force Base.

And cries.

And whines.

And cries.

It takes four forevers to get through all the beach traffic, but finally....

BUT FINALLY.

We made it home.

Celie all of a sudden is a joy! Happy, giggly, ready to play. I can barely walk. Sarah can barely walk. (Did I mention that on Friday, Sarah found out she has a bladder infection/UTI?????) We put Celie down for bed and I start to feel sick to my stomach. Like I'm going to puke.

But I don't.

Instead I write this AMAZING blog.

Don't you wish you would have gone with us today?

It was the best idea EVER!!!!

However, we did have a great, GREAT time with our friends and we'd do it all over again tomorrow.

I think.....

Freedom

We celebrated our nation's independence on Sunday, July 4.

Regardless of how you celebrate, or the motives behind it, the topic of this post isn't about that. I'm eager to know how/if you celebrated in church. How many churches put on huge patriotic programs? Presentation of the colors? Pledge? National Anthem?

And is it right to do that?

I've spoken with a lot of people over the weekend who feel very passionately on both sides of the equations. Some feel that you absolutely should honor America and thank God for our freedom. That we should honor those who have fought for our freedom, recognize those currently serving and give a moment of silence for those who have fallen. Others feel that a worship service should be reserved for honoring Christ and Christ alone and to exalt any other above him, even if it is as thanksgiving, is wrong.

So, what's right and what's wrong? Is the church actually to blame for this? Have we programmed so much that it almost feels spiritual to do it? We make a big deal out of Mother's Day and Father's Day. We create all women ensembles and all men choirs. We preach about being a Godly mother/father. We reference all the great mothers and fathers of the Bible. We honor graduates. We present them with Bibles. We go all out for Memorial Day, 4th of July, Veterans Day using "We need God back in America" as our sermon reference.

But the question is, is it the right thing to do?

Now don't get me wrong. I'm am 100% pro-America. Love, love, love it. I know all the patriotic songs. All the anthems to the branches of the military. I'm so thankful for our freedom. I'm so grateful to those who have served and are currently serving. I have a very, very dear friend who is in the Navy currently. I could never do what he does or what he has done.

Neither could I have ever done what Christ did for us when He purchased our freedom. Galatians 5:1 says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." NIV. The song I posted about in my previous post says, "He is jealous for me." He wants all of us. He wants our worship. And we are created to do so.

I'm curious to hear your comments on how you see it. I did incorporate some Americana in our worship service this past week. Was it right? Was I really honoring God with it? A lady at our church said to me, "Why didn't we sing The Battle Hymn of the Republic today?" And for a minute I had to remember what that song was and then became so thankful to another church lady to gave me a book that is the story behind a lot of the old hymns. I was able to reference it for her. We sing that song like it's a battle cry. Like we're (America) supposed to kick everyone's butt and God will bless it. When in actuality, that song is written about chapters 18 and 19 in Revelation and how we as a people are no where near ready to see God's glory when that day comes. I wonder how that song got lumped into being patriotic when it's actually about Christ's return.

So where do you stand? Have we made our worship services a programmed event for special occasions? Some of us are too young to remember anything differently. When I attended a much, MUCH larger church for seven years, every patriotic holiday there was a big program featuring all the songs and other hoopla. I became conditioned to it. But was it right? Is it right? If we leave it out of worship does that make us ungrateful, inconsiderate or unamerican (I know that isn't a real word)? Does it mean we don't support our troops?

Is the national holiday we set aside for all these events enough or does it need to come into our worship time that is typically set aside for our worship of Christ.

Whatcha think?

John Mark McMillan | How He Loves: A Story

Hey!

Yes, it's me. I plan on blogging more this weekend, but I first wanted to share this video with you. It's the story behind the song, How He Loves by John Mark McMillan. It's one of my favorite new worship songs out there. Now, his arrangement is not my favorite. And I sorta get irritated by the whole, "I'm a cool Christian artist who never shaves, drinks a lot of coffee, wears retro Ray Ban sunglasses, drives an old dodge van and drives to a run down warehouse to practice my music" but the message in this song is so good and the lyrics are even better.

"He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy."

GET OUT OF MY FACE with that lyric.

crazy.

There are a lot of different arrangements out there. I know David Crowder Band has a popular arrangement. I think I like the female vocals the best - I haven't decided yet.

But, here it is and I hope you enjoy.

Blog with you soon. I promise.

In the Words of Marvin Gaye

What’s goin’ on?

Wow, it’s been a long time. A very long time. I’m so sorry for not posting. Well, I’m not totally sorry. I mean, I needed a break. Life has been insane, and by life, I mean work. And by work, I mean both jobs. And by both jobs, I mean “real” work and church. And by “real,” I mean the one that pays the bills.

Anyway.

Here I am to tickle your ears with some hard-hitting journalism. And by journalism, I mean……………….oh never mind.

I’m not going to recap what’s happened to me since I took my break because I don’t have 65 hours to sit and type, but what I am going to provide is a list.

That’s right. A list. It’s a comprehensive list of thoughts, questions, comments, and ideas. They are in no order of importance (side note, I just totally mistyped that word as impotence – LOL.) Can you tell I’m delirious?

List!

1) If I were Casey James today, I would be very, very sad. I would be so sad in fact, that I would consider cutting my wanna-be mullet (pronounced mu-lay because it’s fancy) off. Well, he doesn’t really have a mullet, but I feel like he wants one in real life, but there’s someone backstage (or a contract) that won’t let him do it. He did so poorly last night that I actually got embarrassed for him. I wanted to bless my own heart. I even got a little diarrhea cramp listening to him.

2)Harry Connick was AWESOME last night!

3) Once every two weeks there seems to be an invisible hair that grows at the bottom of my nose and feels like it’s touching my nostril. I’ve already been to the restroom four times to see if there’s anything there, and there’s not. It worries me a little.

4) Picture this – a queen sized bed. A four inch tempurpedic pad on top causing normal humans the need to catapult themselves off the bed because simply rolling isn’t an option. A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel with allergies (awesome, right?) A pregnant lady who NEEDS five pillows. FIVE PILLOWS.

Pillow 1 – standing vertical in front of the headboard.

Pillow 2 – on the bed (in normal position)

Pillow 3 – on top of Pillow 2

Pillow 4 – under belly (don’t ask)

Pillow 5 – in the small of the back

5) Has anyone seen the Youtube video of the news anchor smashing grapes and falling off of the platform? Her final 30 seconds remind a lot of Sarah. Very similar noises for her in the morning or when she’s trying to catapult herself off the mattress topper. Here it is in case you’ve missed it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMS0O3kknvk

6) How can someone’s favorite song be “The Happy Birthday Song?” Literally, every morning this is what I hear. And it’s not being sung mezzo piano. No sir. I’m talkin’ about fortississimo and going down her list of people. Did you know it’s my birthday every day? And what’s funnier is that she’s just like me thinking that we want to hear another verse. Here’s what it sounds like:

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Hallie. Happy birthday to you.” “Again???? Otay!!” “Happy birthday to you……….

The, “again, otay” slays me every time. Cutie pants.

7) I wish I could describe (in words and not sounds) my love for this salad here in town. Not sure what it is because the ingredients are so simple: romaine, prosciutto, croutons, parmesan cheese, red onions, balsamic dressing. I could eat it every day. Every. Day. They also include kalamata olives and artichokes but who wants to eat that???

8) There is a game I play with my grandmother. It’s slightly mean, yet it’s slightly awesome. All I have to do is mention that I had something SO WONDERFUL to eat, I just don’t think there’s anything better. And she will try to one-up it. Literally. Simply mention, “I had the most amazing piece of pound cake today (be it a truth or a lie) and no joke, she will make one the next day, “force” you to take it and eat it, and call you back within an hour asking if it was better. And the thing is, no, I’m not kidding, and yes, it’s usually better. She has literally made a different pound cake everyday for at least two weeks. Her excuse is “she’s looking for the perfect recipe.” And FYI – I think she’s found it.

9) During the sermon at church this past Sunday, our pastor was preaching on possessions and people’s need to acquire more and more. He said, “How many of you are right now thinking about what you’re going to buy next or what you’re going to get next???” He was standing right beside me as I was drawing a floor plan to a house that I would build if I won the lottery. Sad.

10) Sarah has cried more this pregnancy than in her whole life. I’m convinced of this. I mean, how many people can cry at the graduation scene from the movie “Fame?” Or at Glee? Or at commercial about a local pool company? Or even at the mention of not having accessories to decorate the top of her dresser? True story.

Hope you enjoyed my list. I will try to get back on the blogging train.

Promise.

Break

Hey,

In case you haven't noticed I've taken a little blogging break. I'm trying to figure out what to do with the blog. I promise to have a post up this week.

Thanks!

Matthew

Did You Hear About the Morgan's? Oh, you didn't? Well, good for you!

I don’t really know what’s happened in the movie world recently, but I do know I don’t like it. Maybe it’s my decision-making abilities. Maybe it’s the Movie Gallery in my town. Maybe you can never take someone else’s recommendations on movies.

Whatever it is, it needs to stop.

We don’t get to see a lot of movies in the theater because the only theater we’ll go to is about one and a half hours away. Those are special nights. Therefore, we rent a lot. (which technically isn’t that big of a deal because the turnaround time from theater to shelf is so short now.) The last movie we saw in the theater was The Blind Side, which I loved. I thought it was a great, great, movie. Loved it. And we’ll definitely own it.

I haven’t had the same luck with the rentals, but I have to say, I’m glad I didn’t see the movies I rented in the theater or I would have been one angry individual. You see, here’s the thing. We subscribe to the “power play” at Movie Gallery. It’s $15 a month and I think you can rent three or four movies during the month. It’s super quick and easy too. Just walk in, they scan the movie you selected, you walk out. No receipt, nothing to sign, easy.

We’d been given some recommendations on some “cute” movies recently and so we’ve rented most of them. Herein lies the problem. I’d now like to share with you these movies which accounted for six hours I’ll never get back.

Ever.

Did You Hear About the Morgan’s – starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant. You probably had no idea this was a romantic comedy with these two actors. It’s becoming more and more clear to me that when actors need a little cash, they’ll just hop on any project, because there’s no way either of them can look back and say, “wow, that was awesome” because it had to be the WORST. MOVIE. EVER. So predictable and stupid and so not real. You know, successful attorney, successful Real Estate broker both working and making tons of cash in NYC. Currently separated because of infidelity. They witness a murder and are carted off to Wyoming to be in witness protection where they fall back in love. In a word, gag.

New in Town – starring Rene Zellweger and Harry Connick Jr. This could be the saddest, slowest, stupidest movie around. Rene is a high-powered executive in Miami. Harry is a Union Rep for a plant in Minnesota. Renee temporarily relocates to modify the plant where she completely insults Harry at their first meeting, only not knowing he was the union rep she was about to negotiate the union contract with. Big city girl meets country boy. They fall in love. In a word, gag.

The Invention of Lying – starring Ricky Gervais and Jennifer Garner. In a world where no one ever lies, ever, Ricky figures out how to and changes his life by way of lying. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID. In a word, gag.

It’s clearly our inability to select decent movies. Sarah doesn’t do “action”, I DO NOT EVER DO “horror.” So we have to stick with drama, comedy and romantic comedy. I noticed Precious, Up in the Air and The Hurt Locker were all available for rent. Granted movies I like and movies that win Oscars never match.

Has anyone seen a great movie we need to see? (as a note, I don't do vampires.)

Talking to a Turd

And I'm using turd as a noun, not an adjective.

And I'm sorry because turd is such an ugly word.

But using "Talking to a Bowel Movement" just didn't have the same effect.

This is a short story, but it's too funny to pass up. It could be TMI for some, so leave now if you can't handle "bathroom talk." That was your warning.

So, if you're reading Sarah's blog at all you know that we have a potty using fiend in our midst. Celie is sort of obsessed with using the potty.

("I have no idea where she gets her obsessive tendencies from," said the man who has a six-tab excel spreadsheet with six different versions of a choir seating chart for the Easter musical.)

In a later post we'll talk about my other obsessive tendencies like:

• consuming endless amounts of peanut M&M's if they're in my house
• watching, reading or listening to anything that really irritates me, because it irritates me
• constantly monitoring the growth or shrinkage of my belly
• popping whiteheads - I know, I'm sorry
• continuously wondering what I would do if I won $100,000,000.00 - seriously, like thinking about the lot I would buy and the house I would build on it

But we'll do that later. Much, much later.

Later = probably never.

So anyway, Celie now has full use of the potty. Numbers one and two. Which is great. So I get her up this morning (even though the look on her face said, "Why are you in here at 6:30 AM?????" except, because of the wonderful Daylight Savings Time, it was really 7:30) and she mentioned her need to go to the potty. I help her take off her pj's and diaper and off she went into the bathroom. When she made it into the bathroom, I heard her let out an enormous gasp.

Keep in mind Sarah has pretty much trained her to gasp at any and everything. Literally, it's like the biggest gasp ever.

So, of course I became immediately filled with anxiety when I heard the gasp thinking that there was probably a river of pee pee on the floor or on the floor mats and Lilly was probably licking it up. (which was going to make me puke if that was the case and then there would have been two messes to clean up.)

But neither was the case. Whew.

I walked in to see Celie practically head first in the toilet and she was talking up a storm. She heard me walk in and pulled her head out from the toilet and gasped again and said:

"Look daddy, poo poo in the potty!!! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey poo poo!!! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey poo poo!!"

We apparently forgot to flush her poo-poo from last night and therefore Celie found a new friend.

So, of course, I overreacted and first thought, "Who forgets to flush poo-poo?"

Parents of a two year old, that's who.

(Why do I keep saying "poo-poo" when I'm not telling the story?)

I continued, "Well, let's flush the poo-poo ok? It's dirty."

Of course Celie had to assist because she loves a good toilet flush - and who doesn't?

"Bye-bye poo-poo," she said and back on to the potty she went. Except when you don't flush poo-poo from the night before, sometimes it likes to hang out a little longer if you know what I mean. This then created another reason for Celie to gasp and say:

"New poo-poo in the potty!!!"

"No, no Celie. It isn't new. It was leftover." (Lord help me!) "It didn't all go down the first time so it's still there."

"OK." she said.

So after she asked me to leave the room ( she really needs her privacy when using the restroom, not sure where she gets that either) which is another favorite pastime, I hear with a grunt, "NNNNeeeewwww pppppoooooooooo-pppppoooooooooo."

And sure enough.

New poo-poo in da house.

Thank you Celie for another action-packed Monday morning.

Sorry if this was a little TMI, but it's a two-year old we're talking about, not a 30 year old.

A Good Read

I couldn't help but copy and post this from the incomparable Travis Cottrell:

*******************************************************************

There is always something next with God.

Listen to me: You have not been disqualified, overlooked or undergifted. You may be in a season of life where things seem questionable; maybe they even seem desolate..hopeless...over. Your circumstances may be trying to dictate to you that God has not come through, nor will He. But guess what? That is not true. It just isn't. Not only is it not true, but what actually is true is the very opposite. And if you will free Him up to be God in your life by giving Him your surrender, He will give you beauty for your ashes. Strength for your weakness. And He will turn things around more quickly than you can say MAYDAY.

Your gifts (or lack of) are a non-factor. Your geography? Not a factor. Your past? Only gonna feed into God's redemption, if you will let it.

******************************************************************************

You can leave a comment stating "I RECEIVE THAT" if you like.

And the Winner Is.....

By the way, when did they start saying, "and the winner is" as opposed to "and the Oscar goes to" at the Academy Awards???

Well, the people have spoken and the result is a resounding "yes" to keeping the blog up and going. I'd like to thank the people who left the 17 comments to encourage me to keep going. I have a strange feeling that there were a few anonymous comments from the same person, but I didn't specify any comment-leaving protocol in the rules.

So the blog stays on. Thank you for your support.

I'd like to transition you to the topic of the Academy Awards now because there's a few things that I'm dying to talk about. First of all, we always watch the Oscars. We're not those people that throw an Oscar party, because that would just be weird, but Sarah and I always watch together. We never make through the entire show though. For some reason, I thought they started at 8:00.

They didn't.

They started at 8:30. Not a big deal, right? We sat down and saw the network's coverage of the red carpet - which is always annoying to me. I mean, seriously. Who cares what they're wearing? It's not even their clothes!!! They BORROW them. Not to mention all the men look identical. It's the women who are out for blood.

Here's what the red carpet boils down to for me:

1. Women in big dresses
2. Big dresses they do not own
3. Some women have really good taste
4. Others do not

It cracks me up when they say "who" they're wearing for a plug. "So tell me Sarah Jessica Parker, who are you wearing tonight?" "Why this little frock just so happens to be Chanel." "Well you look lovely." "Thank you."

Why do they plug it? Because personally, I can't afford to buy Sarah a $30,000 evening gown. I mean if you're plugging cleaning products or iPods or something it's one thing. But these insanely expensive gowns? Who cares who it is?

Anyway, the point of all of this is to say that ABC's "official" coverage of the red carpet was a complete and total nightmare. It was hosted by some random dude, Sherri Shepherd from The View and, wait for it.......................Kathy Ireland.

WHO WAS THE MOST SOCIALLY AWKWARD INTERVIEWER I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I would actually start to feel my heart race when the cameras cut to her for a brief interview. I got so tense and nervous watching her head bobble around like a dashboard hula girl that I almost threw something at the TV. I think I would have rather watched Heidi Montag interview people with her new face.

I really want to know if Kath has ever been on TV or held a microphone or interacted with celebrities before. I'm not kidding when I say it was so horrible. I wish I could find a video clip but I can't. I just hope you saw it and was as painfully uncomfortable as I was.

On a personal note, we had a pretty low key weekend. We spent Saturday shopping with some friends in Destin sans children which was really nice. I would like to say thank you to my parents for watching Celie. They live next door to us and have always watched her whenever we needed them to. I'm so appreciative to them for that.

Did church yesterday which was great. I took the night off because we hosted a concert for a local guy who wants to jump-start is Christian music career. It was nice to not have to plan for that service and to just have a great family day at home.

There is one other thing I'd like to address to you all. In one of the comments, someone mentioned missing the "Weekly with Rhobie" IM conversations I would post. I'm sad to say that Rhobie no longer works with me and therefore, we only have email and phone conversations now. She got a great opportunity at a company closer to home with better pay. So, you probably won't see any of those posts ever again.

I have a feeling that the commenter was Spencer, another co-worker, who would already know this info, but in case it wasn't, there's your answer.

I'll talk to you all later in the week.

Promise.

Hi, It's Me.

Ok. It's been a while, I know. Outside of Celie's birthday post I think it's been almost three weeks since a new post. I'm sure I have ZERO readers now.

ZERO.

I haven't had a lot to say. I had to travel to Maine for work, which I didn't want to broadcast for some reason. I had no time to blog while I was there. Then I came back home and work was crazy so when I got home I didn't want to blog. Now it's week three and I'm just out of the habit.

Do I continue the blog? I don't know. It's a question I ask myself at least twice a week if not three times. I'll leave it up to you all though. So here's the deal, If I get ten comments saying I should keep the blog going, then I will. If I do not get ten comments, the blog will probably end soon.

Deadline is Sunday, March7 to leave your comment.

This isn't a pity party.

I promise.

I don't think anyway???

Nonetheless, can I please talk about American Idol? Killing me softly is not only a song, but it is what that show is doing to me. Are there no longer people in the US who can sing? I enjoyed ZERO guys from last night, except for the guy with the mullet. I don't get it. I really don't.

You know what else I don't get? Executive "cherry" office furniture. It's so old school. Did you know they still make the two drawers on the bottom for hanging files?

Because people keep "files" in today's world. Wanna know how many "files" I keep?

ZERO.

Outside of invoices I've submitted for payment, I keep ZERO files.

This makes me think about how the corporate world operated in the mid to late 80's. I always revisit the movie "9 to 5" when I need to give myself a picture of that. All those ladies typing on typewriters outside the "bossman's" office.

WHAT WERE THEY TYPING????

WHY DID THE "BOSSMAN" HAVE TO SUMMON HIS OWN PERSONAL SECRETARY INTO HIS OFFICE BY WAY OF INTERCOM???

Notice I said secretary and not assistant.

The old school mentality is still so funny to me because so many people have it. People still say Bossman, by the way. Some people still consider you late if you walk in your office at 8:01 AND WRITE YOU UP FOR IT. Now, I am not a proponent of being tardy for work by any means, however, it is 2010 and technology has given us so much flexibility in our work schedules these days. Today, we have the workload of three people from the 80's and 90's.

Where I work today, I hear stories about how many employees used to work here and I am dumbfounded. EVERY departmental manager had a secretary. Hysterical. I really don't know what these secretaries did except type memos.

Memos.

Those are funny.

I don't know how I ended up talking about workplace efficiency in a blog that started about if I should keep blogging or not, but I'll tell you this, it's annoying and I need it to stop.

Ok. Do you want me to keep the blog? Yes or No.

I can handle it.

I think.

As I reach for a tissue.

Happy Birthday Celie!

Proverbs 22:4-6

"The reward of humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, honor and life. Thorns and snares are in the way of the perverse; He who guards himself will be far from them. Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it."

Dear Celie,

Two years ago today you came into our lives and completely changed everything we knew as normal. Your arrival into this world was a perfect description of your personality today - all eyes on you!! Mommy and I had it pretty hard your first few days. We were so worried about you, but the Lord was with us and with you and you came home with us after the "standard" time in the hospital.

You are so funny and you're a clown from the moment you wake up until you go to bed. You're also kinda like a lion. You can smell the weak and that's who you go after to get whatever you want. Your Papa seems to always be the young wildebeest in this analogy. You have so much fun with your family and friends both at day care and the church nursery.

There's no way for me to tell you just how much I love you and how much brighter you make every day. Having you has increased my capacity to love. You've even helped me love Mommy more and more everyday. I never want a day to pass that you don't hear me tell you, "I love you."

Mommy and I pray for you everyday too. Our first prayer is that you will come to know and accept Jesus Christ as your savior when you're old enough to understand it. We pray for your health and your protection too. We love you so much.

You are the sweetest little girl I know and you're going to be a great big sister. I'm still learning how to be a good daddy so please be patient with me. I love you more than anything in the entire world. I'm so glad you're mine.

I love you birthday girl!

Daddy

What's Sweeter?

There are a lot of things in life that are sweet. Take my chocolate cake for example. It's sweet (and amazing.) A tub of puppies. So totally sweet. So sweet in fact, that I could eat them with a spoon - or just let them wallow all over me with their little puppy breath.

Geeze I love puppies.

A "fresh, hot, now" Krispy Kreme doughnut. SWEEEEEEEEEEEEET! An old married couple that still hold hands. Totally sweet.

But in all my years (all 30 of them,) I've never seen or heard anything sweeter than my little girl singing the words to one of her favorite songs all by herself.

"I'm different, different, different

Nobody's like me.

Different, different, different

And that's ok with me

Yeah, that's ok with me."

"When I was born they threw away the mold.

Now no one knows how my life will unfold.

I'm different, different, different

Nobody's like me.

Different, different, different

And that's ok with me

Yeah, that's ok with me."

"Born with ten toes or even born with nine

Where there is love then who I am is fine.

I'm different, different, different

Nobody's like me.

Different, different, different

And that's ok with me

Yeah, that's ok with me."

"Black, white or green

from parents rich or poor.

From boat on creek

in land of Singapore.

I'm different, different, different

Nobody's like me.

Different, different, different

And that's ok with me

Yeah, that's ok with me."

She was singing her little heart out this morning on the way to Sissy's. It almost made me tear up a little because she was singing with such excitement (and most of the time on pitch - atta girl!!!!)

Here's a picture of her singing this morning.

Sweet.

Dear John

Over the weekend we went to see the new movie, Dear John. Sarah is an avid reader of Nicolas Sparks and we pretty much go to any movie that has been made based on one of his novels. I hadn't read the book, therefore I thought the movie was going to be about a divorce.

You know, Dear John.......I'm leaving.....blah, blah, blah.......it's not you it's me......blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, I was wrong.

True to any Nicolas Sparks novel, I knew how to prepare myself. I knew there would be young (or old) love, a "honeymoon period," separation, possible death, a reuniting, a wedding perhaps?, South Carolina scenery and a lot of crying.

Let's say I got six out of eight - but I won't elaborate.

Channing Tatum. Hmmmmm, I kept telling Sarah that I felt like I actually knew him from somewhere. He played his part very convincingly - sortof a introverted, socially awkward military guy. Now perhaps I felt like I knew him because I used to live in a town with a couple Navy bases and near an Air Force base. Who knows. Let me just say this, I don't see poor Channing winning many Oscars in his day, I could be wrong, but I doubt it.

And this Amanda person. The girl from Mama Mia! Ummmm, asking $7.5M per picture? Really? Seriously? I mean, more power to you, but wow.

So my overall opinion of the movie? Not bad.

The ending made me want to kill the lady in novelty sweater next to me. I think when the credits started rolling I said, "what???" like 15 times out loud. It was slightly annoying.

And by slightly I mean very.

It's a good date night movie. It won't change your life at all (not like Dumb and Dumber or anything), but it was a pretty good movie.

I give it three out of five.

Nervous Much?

Listed below, please find things which currently make me very nervous:

1) Drunk people

2) Animals dressed as humans

3) Celery in potato salad

4) Today's youth

5) Interviews with Lady GaGa

6) the Olive Garden on a Saturday night

7) a telephone conversation with my mother which includes the phrase: "I found the cutest shoes at Sears."

8) the future of the "Pants on the Ground" man

9) any trip to Sam's with Sarah

10) Nancy Grace

The End.

Pregnancy in Full Force

Sarah and I made our yearly eye appointments for this past Friday. I think I was actually a couple months late making mine to be honest. Because our appointments were at 930 am, I decided to take the entire day off as to not feel pressured to get back. We sent Celie over to Sissy's for the day because......well, just because.

****Could you imagine Celie inside the office of an EYE DOCTOR????? Every single display frame would have 1) been on her face. 2) been on the floor. 3) been in groups of likeness separated by color family. (she's a freak and yes, we know.)****

We both had good checkups. I'm was excited to get more contacts. I won't even tell you how old mine were, but I think I brushed some algae off of them that morning. My glasses were an entirely different story. I sorta felt like Steve Erkel in my old ones. Not to mention they were crooked, falling apart, completely scratched up and all in all a total disaster.

I'm happy to say that in two weeks I'll have a fresh, new pair that isn't reminiscent of something Danny Tanner wore on Full House.

Sarah also got new contacts and frames and after we dropped about $350 on all four, we were on our way. I can't decide if that was a good deal or if I was totally just screwed on my eye health. I mean, my contacts are for astigmatism and are historically very expensive. Two new glasses and two new sets of contacts for us for about $350 after insurance? Jury is still out.

We finished up our errands and had a nice lunch at the Bingo Palace....oh wait, I mean, Golden Corral. (Sorta the same thing, right?)

Golden Corral you say? What's up with that?

I normally HATE....no, no, make that DESPISE buffets, but since I'm back on Weight Watchers, I knew exactly what I wanted to get for a very minimal amount of points. Not to mention their salad bar is one of the best I've ever had. So, that was what I ate for lunch: a delicious salad to start and then green beans, peas, carrots, broccoli, and baked chicken (skin off.)

And then I saw it.

The slider steak burger.

O

M

G

If you've ever eaten at the Golden Corral, you've more than likely had a yeast roll from there. That's what these little sliders were on - yeast rolls. AND they were made from steak. And I have to tell you, I took one bite of one and literally wanted to denounce Weight Watchers, rip all my clothes off and run around Golden Corral (of course, being careful to dodge all the walkers, jazzys and canes in the way - ouch!)

Could have been the best burger I've ever had one tiny bit of - and those are some big words my friend.

Or it could be that I was in denial about how good it really was since I'm back on the WW bandwagon.

Not sure.

Anyway, we got home and picked up Celie from Sissy's and came on home.

(I've totally neglected any content moderately related to the title of this post until now.)

So, as I was sitting there letting Celie wind down for the night, here's the conversation that occurred:

Sarah: "I think I need something sweet from the store."

Matthew: "OK, want me to go get you something?"

Sarah: "Yeah, I think so. I think I want a Klondike bar."

Matthew (intrigued): "Ummm, ok."

Sarah (beginning to salivate): "and a pack of those banana cream popsicles."

Matthew (dry heaving): "Ummm, ok."

Sarah (looking off into the distance): "And a value pak of the orange cream pops too."

Matthew (forcing an understanding smile): "Uh huh, ok. That's all very reasonable."

Sarah: "And some Golden Oreos too please."

Matthew: "Be back soon."

So I get back home with as much frozen dairy as a Schwan's truck (along with two movie selections) and I put everything away. We pop in movie #1, the updated, modernized version of "Fame." I wasn't sure about this choice but I will say the previews looked pretty good. And it was. Now, it wasn't great and my life would still be the same had I not watched it, but it was fine. A bunch of no-name young actors and some older seasoned ones too.

How can I confirm that Sarah is, in fact, pregnant?

During the last scene of Fame - simply a graduation scene - she's next to me crying like a baby. Like someone just beat her up on the playground. Like someone just hijacked her Schwan's truck. Like someone asked her to stop wearing her terrycloth, capri length, "house pants."

I was like, "How are you crying at this???" Her response was simple.....

"They m-m-m-made it, they f-f-f-f-finally made it."

And we're only at month 4.

Smile!

Success!

I don't know that I've ever posted about a specific product on the blog. Well, at least one that is good. I can't remember.

Today, that is changing because I have to stop and let everyone know the success we're having with a new dog food.

Blue Buffalo Dog Food.

This dog food has given our sweet Lilly a 180 degree turnaround.

This story is long and boring so I'll give you the abridged version.

• Lilly has severe food allergies (what else would you expect from the world's most high-maintenance dog?)
• We discovered this a few years ago
• She would itch non-stop (and make me crazy. Literally crazy.)
• We paid a small fortune on "tests" (that really didn't tell us too much.)
• She's allergic to protein (wha????)
• Put her on Hill's Prescription Diet Salmon and Potato (yum)
• Fast forward about three years
• Learned that she's not supposed to be on this food for an "extended period" from a trusty website (eek!!)
• Switched to this new food (after dropping a cool $65 on the old stuff just days before.)
• Not only has she COMPLETELY stopped itching, but she is excited, silky smooth and madly in love with this new food.

The pads on her feet are no longer pink. She no longer wakes up itching or biting. It's a brand new day for her! (And us, let's be serious.)

Blue has a ton of different varieties of food. They all contain great quality ingredients. We bought the Fish and Sweet Potato one for allergies. It's still a premium food so the cost is still there, but it's about $20 cheaper than Hills which is about $65 for the 17 lb bag. We can all tell a huge difference in her and it has only been a week.

I want to thank Laura from Dog Grooming Plus (Lilly's groomer) and Mike and Rose from Bow Wow Beach for helping open our eyes about dog food. Laura and her daughter Wanda have been in Port St. Joe a really long time and have had their successful grooming shop for quite some time. Mike and Rose have just recently opened Bow Wow Beach. It's a really, really cute store for pets (ok, dogs and cats, but who walks a cat on a leash?) I love the store and wish them great success in Port St. Joe. I highly encourage you to support them.

If you'd like to research the dog food you're currently feeding your furry family member, click here.

Seats and Springs

If the combination of the two words in the title doesn't mean anything to you it's probably because you aren't as gifted as I am in the plumbing world.

If you know me at all, you know that I have always been intrigued and captivated by the plumbing industry. You know, with all the pipe and fittings and ummm, check valves (???) and water. It makes perfect sense why I'm such a great fit.

I have a faucet on my kitchen sink (gasp, no????). I don't like it very much. But I think it was pretty expensive so I'm not inclined to replace it. Not to mention it matches all my kitchen hardware (brushed nickel.) It's the kind of faucet that the faucet is actually the sprayer.

Have I mentioned that I hate it?

Anyway, a few days ago, it started dripping. Annoying. So, I looked at it and thought, "well, something is clearly wrong with this faucet." (brilliant, no?) So I unscrewed the part where the water comes out. I tightened a couple screws, cleaned a rubber ring thing and put it all back together.

All for it to drip worse.

We basically decided that a new faucet was going to be in the future for us, except there was another one we wanted - I personally wanted the one that you could just touch and it turns on except they're like $450 which is insane. After consulting with my resident contractor, you apparently can't just drill new holes into a sink.

Weird.

Which meant that we were going to have to basically buy the same faucet.

BUT THEN.

BUT THEN......

My inner plumber thought it would be wise to consult with my resident Children's Ministry Coordinator / Women's Ministry Coordinator / Plumbing Company Office Manager friend Sarah who immediately suggested I replace the "seats and springs."

Hmmmmm, interesting theory, go on, go on.

She told me that it was an easy and the most inexpensive fix. I told her that while that sounded nice, I wasn't sure I knew what she was talking about (unless I used my mutant powers and became a plumber, but I only do that in emergencies - obviously.) She told me that she would be happy to give me a tutorial.

Score!

I drive over to Mize Plumbing Service and Supply, Inc. and there she is with a test faucet.

Except the faucet was brand new and still in the packaging.

Immediate diarrhea cramping ensues.

She demonstrates the replacement process of the seats and springs, put the faucet back together again and said, "ok, your turn."

Me (under my breath): "Our father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name......"

But - SUCCESS! I did it!

Granted I struggled a little bit with cross threading the main component (which apparently is a bad thing,) but ended up pretty successful with Sarah ending the tutorial with this phrase:

"We'll just let some of the guys fix this when they need it."

Hmmmmm, ok. So, I take all my purchased supplies ($2.99) and a borrowed allen wrench and off I go.

After choir, I came home and followed the steps EXACTLY as was demonstrated to me yesterday and hands to heaven, I now have a faucet that I hate, but doesn't drip one single ounce.....or CC....or some other small measurement of water.

I am plumber hear me roar!!!

Shout out to Miss Mize!!!!

In Certain Circles I Could Be Shot for Saying This...

There are a few things I need to say.

And I'm doing it in my blog because if I lived in a larger city and actually said these things out loud I could run the risk of getting shot.

1) (I'm sorry America.)

I do not / cannot understand the infatuation with Beyonce. I'm sorry. I can't. Furthermore, I do not think she is a good singer. I actually think she is a bad singer. She sounds like a random, higher-quality church singer with a moderately-wide vibrato who can't figure out when to belt and not belt. Why does everything have to be screaming? I do not consider her to be a musical visionary, true artist or whatever other name celebrities like to throw around when referring to other celebrities. For me, she's always going to be the girl that sang the song with the line....

"Do you pay my bills, do you pay my telephone bill, do you pay my automobile?"

Artist? I think not.

That Grammy performance was so awkward too. What was with all the GI Joe's? And what was with her writhing around on the stage?

Oh wait, she's a visionary!

When I think about songs that have majorly impacted or changed our culture, I think about a lot of older songs. Songs like "Imagine," "Bridge Over Troubled Water," "We Are the World," (LOL), stuff like that. I don't think about "Single Ladies." It's like the music industry is run by the mob and Jay-Z is the Godfather.

Whatever. I can't stand Beyonce. Sue me.

2) Taylor Swift, you had the biggest album of 2009. Is it really hard to believe you're winning awards?? Enough with the "surprised" stammering and deer in the headlights look.

3) I CANNOT SEE one more woman layer a turtleneck and tights underneath a summer dress. It's not clever, it's not being a "fashion plate," it's not even cute. Please stop before I have to gouge my eyes out.

4) I would rather eat a sand sandwich than a deconstructed Big Mac in a tortilla. Just sayin'.

5) Haiti, the celebrity crisis de jour. Can we stop all the publicity around celebrities who even say the word Haiti? There's a lot of people helping Haiti, many of whom will go unnoticed. But noooooooo, not our good friends the celebrities.

****Sidebar****

At what point in your celebrity do you become a political and cultural expert? I'm just curious. It seems like you have to be in a movie with George Clooney. Then all of a sudden you have all these opinions on politics and what country we should aid and from where you should adopt children.

****Sidebar over****

6) I think Lady Gaga is a freak with daddy issues.

7) I think Smokey Robinson should give up the ghost. Dude, your career ended a while ago for a reason.

8) I think if you want to see some real musical talent, you look at the artists who are doing it because they love it, not because they want to get rich from it. Look at the Christian artists of our day. There are some folks out there that could sing the pants off anyone who performed on the Grammys last night. Also, look at people like the Dave Matthew's Band.

(Sarah just wet herself.)

While I do not personally enjoy the DMB "style," they are absolute musical geniuses.

9) I would like to hit the missionaries who were arrested in Haiti. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?????? "no one will notice (and surely not arrest us) if we attempt to smuggle 33 kids across the border." IDIOTS!

sorta like, "No officer, I don't use these prescription drugs hidden in my suitcase. I'm giving them to my grandmother who can't afford them and she really needs them. It's the right thing to do."

And go to jail for.

10) Michael Jackson is dead.

Get.

Over.

It.

I Didn't Know Dogs Could Write

When I came home tonight, I found this letter outside Celie's door. Very strange indeed.....

Dear Celie,

It's almost been two years since you came into our lives (and by OUR I mean Mom, Dad, and ME.) I remember Mom and Dad telling me all about you and how sweet you would be, how little, how dainty, how loving.

ahem.

You used to really freak me out when you would cry. I would totally run around in a panic and eventually find solace under one of the ottomans in the living room. (I mean, what was with all the crying???) Anyway, Mom and Dad's focus totally changed.

To you.

There were always people over here but no one really wanted to see me. They all came to see you and to be honest, I never thought you were really going to stay around because you didn't really look like Mom and Dad, but instead, you looked very similar to the man who owned Yum's in Pensacola (with the best General Tso's chicken in the world - so I hear.)

But you stayed and that was fine. However, can I just say to you that I once ruled this house. I used to go on trips and get presents ALL THE TIME. Now, the gifts I get are "new beds," "designer food," and "nail clippers."

whatevs.

So, I've made a decision and I'm going to let you stay here for a while longer. However, I have a few requests I'd like to make just to ensure the future is is bright.

1) Please, for the love of all things good and holy, when you "hug" me, can it not be a Full Nelson? I mean, you weigh more than me now and you're freakishly strong so just ease up a bit - k?

2) I KNOW. I GET IT. I had my one and only accident in Mom and Dad's house a few weeks ago. Why do you have to constantly remind me about it? It was by the door, I had to go. But all the screaming, "No, no, no Lilly!!!" and accusatorily pointing at me and then at "the spot" just really brings me down. IT WAS A MONTH AGO FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. What are you an elephant?

3) That car you have....yeah, the one with the Disney princesses that plays that awful music.....yeah, it's gotta go. I can no longer be a moving target for you while you go flying across the house like Mario Andretti. It's not fair and I won't stand for it.

4) I know you've probably noticed that when you run toward me my ears go back and I start to look really nervous. Well, there's good reason for that. Sometimes when you grab my ears and scream, "Lilly face, Lilly face, Lilly face" at me I don't really know what to do. I mean, they're my ears, not my face and not to mention you have a grip like a vice. Please stop.

5) And while we're on the subject, completely lying on me like a blanket is no longer permissible. You hurt dude. Then you start the death roll which usually ends up in me yelping and accidentally scratching you in the face which makes you start to cry like a little baby and then Mom and Dad look at me and sometimes raise their voice because apparently they've been fooled to think that you are the only one that matters here. So enough already.

6) Feedings. Yes, I eat in the mornings at the same time you do. Will you please leave my Salmon and Sweet Potato alone??? It's all I get. All day. Not you, so get out my space! And don't think I didn't see you nab a piece the other day when you threw one into the kitchen so I'd run after it leaving you all alone by my bowl. You're a wiley little minx and I'm on to you. Big time.

7) I'm going to ask that during your normal feeding times if you'd start dropping a little more on the floor than you do currently. Specifically when Mom lets you eat popcorn. Dude, I love that stuff. Why are you a hoarder??? I get the occasional green bean, but this just in, NO BODY WANTS THAT.

8) My toys are my toys. Period. You have an entire room filled to the brim and I have a small basket in Mom and Dad's room and you go in there all self-righteous and just take anything you want and I'm supposed to just accept it? No ma'am. Not anymore. Please refrain from playing with my toys, AND YES, my nylon bones are MINE. Not teething chew toys for you. Cry me a river about your "two year molars" or whatever they're called.

9) You really put on a spectacle when you see me poop in the yard, and to be 100% honest, it sorta freaks me out. I need my privacy. The humidity has to be right, the dew levels have to be right, the wind has to be right, so with all that, just leave me in peace. All the gasping when I go (like I'm birthing a baby walrus) is a little over the top and unnecessary.

10) Yeah, you're "brushing technique".......not so skillful. It's called being gentle. My breed isn't known for having the "cashmere coat" for nothing. I need long flowing strokes, not staccato thirty-second notes.

I hope you understand my current list of requests. I think as long as you agree to these terms our relationship will remain peaceful.

Unless you start that chasing again. Then all bets are off and I might be forced to use my brute strength against you.

And I know where you sleep.

With love from your sister,

Lilly

I Cannot Believe....

My brain is only working in short bursts of info these days so what better way to cop out of a "real post" than a list?

I cannot believe...

1) That it's been over a week since I last posted

2) That I suggested Peppers for lunch today

3) That Sarah thinks her new pillow is causing her to have bad dreams

4) That poor Lilly has been injured twice in two months by an over zealous 23 month old

5) That people track children's ages by months until they're two

6) That Celie can barely wear her Easter dress now

7) I'm probably going to have to move this blog to another provider like Wordpress because I get too many spam comments

8) That I haven't been totally obsessed with American Idol this year

9) How mature Celie has become in just a couple of months

10) That no matter how much I get annoyed at a specific blogger listed on Sarah's site, I go back day after day after day

11) That I found one of my favorite choir pieces that's been out of print for so long

12) That I started back on Weight Watchers today

13) That my mother is up in arms about having to work 38 hours this week

14) That my mother's Christmas tree is still up and decorated

15) That I watched a BBQ contest on the Food Network last night and my mouth actually began to salivate

16) The sentences that Celie can put together - isn't she still a baby????

17) That as much as Sarah begged for a Cricut, she's yet to use hers

18) How oily my skin is

19) I just said that

20) That I actually do not miss being on facebook

Weekly With Rhobie - All About Coats

Once again, brace yourself for the brain typhoon that is our IM conversation....

Enjoy!

Matthew: hi

Rhobie: hi

Matthew: what are you doing?

Rhobie: an honest answer?

Matthew: yes

Rhobie: well

Rhobie: I am looking at winter coats

Matthew: you know, I was just having a conversation with someone here about that

Rhobie: about me looking at winter coats?

Matthew: well, not you specifically

Matthew: although that could be a separate topic of conversation

Matthew: but how coats are "necessary accessories" for you people

Matthew: and how you have like 12 of them

Matthew: where we have like 1

Matthew: and hate wearing them

Rhobie: I love them

Rhobie: but

Rhobie: around here it’s part of your everyday winter outfit

Rhobie: for like 6 months of the year

Matthew: right

Rhobie: and it's what people see

Matthew: so they have to be cute

Rhobie: more so than the clothes underneath

Rhobie: right

Matthew: crazy

Rhobie: and I personally want to have more than 1 because I get bored

Rhobie: wearing the same one every day

Matthew: I mean, we don't wear the same shirt everyday

Matthew: at least I don't

Rhobie: I know!

Rhobie: so why should we wear the same coat every day

Matthew: so, what coat are you "needing" these days?

Rhobie: well I need a new ski jacket and I would also like a new casual wool jacket

Rhobie: I mean

Rhobie: I always have a need for more coats

Matthew: this is good

Matthew: it could be an article for a magazine

Matthew: do you have a trench?

Rhobie: yes - 2

Rhobie: tan and navy

Matthew: no winter white?

Rhobie: no I have a winter white wool coat now though

Matthew: well that's a relief

Rhobie: when you say trench I assume you mean like a fall coat for wearing when it is not freezing and might be raining

Matthew: um

Matthew: I don't mean like Sherlock Holmes

Matthew: I think I mean a modified trench, that's short and ties

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: but canvas material (or whatever that stuff is)

Rhobie: not wool

Matthew: well, no

Matthew: I think I mean wool

Matthew: because traditional trench coat material makes me sad

Rhobie: lol

Rhobie: this is confusing

Rhobie: well I have 2 knee length wool coats

Rhobie: no

Rhobie: 3

Matthew: of course

Rhobie: 1 black, 1 winter white, 1 red

Matthew: those all sound nice

Rhobie: and 2 trenches (not wool and better for fall) tan, navy

Matthew: anything else?

Rhobie: 2 spring jackets - khaki and other is grey

Matthew: spring jacket = does not compute

Rhobie: 1 wool "short" jacket for casual winter wear

Rhobie: (which is why I need another)

Matthew: obviously

Rhobie: then

Rhobie: 1 Gortex rain coat

Matthew: that doesn't sound attractive at all

Rhobie: ugly

Matthew: but who's looking at you in the rain

Rhobie: true

Rhobie: then I have a Gortex ski jacket

Rhobie: needs to be replaced

Rhobie: it's old

Rhobie: and several fleeces that I wear underneath

Matthew: so you're really in the market for several coats/jackets

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: always

Matthew: awesome