Thursday, November 19, 2009

Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me

Because my blog is so full of deep, soul-searching, thought-provoking content, I thought it would be fun to mix it up a bit and give you some personal fluff. This idea spells "list mania" to me!!! Yeah, that's it. Let's list some things you probably don't know about me....or who knows, some of you might know all of this. Whatever...

1) I hate the color purple. Not, The Color Purple (I love that), but the actual color purple. Sadly enough, it was one of my high and middle school colors. Purple. Purple and Gold really. Purple, Gold and a little White (the shark's team is outta sight!!! - if we're finishing the cheer.)

2) I have never been to New York City. One third of me is saddened by this, one third feels like it's a little (or a lot) overrated, and one third would rather go to Colorado instead. Question. Does anyone watch "The City" on MTV? If so, how accurate is it depicting the actual city? I have to say that I'm sorta intrigued by all the "boroughs" of NYC and the sweeping generalizations that come with them.

3) I love episodes of "Mama's Family." I can't help it. Vicky Lawrence + Carol Burnett x Harvey Korman / Dorothy Lyman = MAGIC!

4) I am a seasoned athlete. I have been on baseball, football and golf teams in my younger day. I played baseball forever - right field, catcher (huge mistake), third base (once). I was on MTI, then The Stars! I was a Tackle in football. I had a +8 handicap in golf. You're welcome.

5) I love frozen fish sticks. And I'm not kidding. It's probably been well over two years since I've had any.....maybe. But I love them. What's more? I love them with melted cheese on white bread with ketchup. Love. I am in love with this sandwich.

6) I grew up a restaurant kid. My family owned THE BEST seafood restaurant for almost 40 years. I used to pretend "fire" employees. I used to make them play make believe with me as if we were on a train to Disney World (I would make them line up tons of chairs in a row like a train.) As a child I played behind a full bar and knew dozens of types of alcohol. I even knew that Tequila had a worm in it. And yet I never touched the stuff. As a note, I used the word "make" in this point for emphasis only. Of course I didn't MAKE anyone do anything....I'm not Mariah Carey for crying out loud.

7) Sometimes I repeat actions because I know it's going to make me really mad. For example, there's a blog that Sarah visits frequently. She has it listed as one of the blogs she reads. I absolutely cannot stand it. Simply because I feel like the author of the blog is trying too hard to be funny and quippy. And I am so overly annoyed by the author's writing and personal style. And I know it's going to make me mad and irritated every time I read it. Yet, I go back daily. This is just one very, very simple example.

8) I own 39 long sleeve Brooks Brothers button-downs and 29 Lacoste polos. I know this because I just counted them. Because I have nothing better to do at 12:25 AM while Sarah and Lilly are trying to sleep. The brands aren't important except that it should show you just how obsessive I am in "real life."

9) I am still holding on to a lot of "feelings" around two of my former friends. Friends that I was very, very close to. These feelings aren't good ones. They're also not necessarily bad (which I need to point out because my mother will leave a comment that says I won't go to heaven if I have any bad feelings in my heart.) They're just weird, if-I-see-you-in-public-I-will-more-than-likely-avoid-you-because-I-could-either-burst-into-tears-or-hit-you kinda feelings. All very simple and non-complex.

10) I HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE licorice. With a passion. I think I'd rather die than eat it. I seriously cannot stand it. I dry heave just thinking about it. Gross. Puke. Gag. Hate.

11) I hate words like "Licorice" that are pronounced like "Lick-or-ish" but are spelled like "Licorice." I mean, why? Oh yes, by the way, certain words and phrases really make me crazy (since we're on the subject.) Words like: moist, irregardless, foyer (when pronounced "foy-yay" - be it correct or not.), and taught (as in pulling something taught.) Phrases like: And things of that nature, It's been a hard day on my desk, and Whatcha know good?

12) I do not, will not, cannot watch scary movies. It's not that I believe the plot could actually happen, but I just do not enjoy practicing for a heart attack. I really dislike scary movies. Keep in mind that I consider the "The Sixth Sense" a scary movie.

13) I want a Yamaha U1, upright, black (obviously) piano so badly I can taste it. I want to play it. I want Celie to play it. I want to put it where our little buffet table is. If you buy it for me, I will play for you whenever you want for an entire year. Make it two. For two years, I'll play for you. I'll be your personal pianist!

14) At one point I thought I was going to stop blogging. But with content like this, why would I stop?

15) I cannot use public restrooms for number two unless I'm in a complete state of emergency. States of Emergency include: A recent feast of BBQ, breakfast food "out", a stomach bug, anything with pesto, collard greens.

16) I owe the IRS $233 from 2007 taxes. Wha???? They just sent me a letter. I mean, $233? Trust me when I ask, aren't there bigger fish to fry? Trust me, there are. Let me walk you down the street and show you.

17) I have a secret obsession with penmanship. I will judge you based on your penmanship....but only for a second until I snap out of it.

18) I am bored with this post.

19) I really, really want to meet and talk with Travis Cottrell about worship. I need to ask him what goes on in his head with some of these amazing songs he creates. He's my earthly, musical idol. I'm pretty sure I would make a fool of myself if I ever got the chance.

20) (Finally, 20. I thought it would never get here.) Ummmmm, want Lasik surgery but am COMPLETELY terrified to even consider it. But just think, wouldn't it be amazing to wake up, rub your eyes, and be able to see the clock without squinting? Can you imagine??????

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Weekly With Rhobie - Episode #2

You all may remember this post from a few days ago with my co-worker Rhobie. Well, so many of you (3) contacted me and told me how much you enjoyed reading it (although you didn't comment on the blog, but whatever,) that I thought it would be fun to have a "weekly with Rhobie" every week. We tend (read, always) to have meaningless conversations in the morning and throughout the day, so whenever we have one that I feel is blog worthy, I'll simply paste it into the blog without Rhobie's knowledge or permission.

Fun, right?

So, here you go. Another mind-numbingly interesting conversation.

You'll thank me later. Promise.


Rhobie: OMG

Rhobie: I didn't tell you what I did

Matthew: ??

Rhobie: I went running last friday night

Rhobie: and ran right by my hair guy who I've been cheating on

Rhobie: and of course he saw my hair

Rhobie: and he yelled hi

Rhobie: and I yelled hi and kept running

Matthew: lol

Matthew: awesome

Rhobie: and it was so awkward and I didn't know if I should stop and over explain (as you know I do)

Rhobie: or just keep running

Rhobie: omg

Rhobie: how awful

Matthew: wow

Matthew: lol

Rhobie: and so

Rhobie: I thought about it and stressed about it my whole run

Matthew: you and C-note are over

Rhobie: of course

Rhobie: and so

Rhobie: when I got home I immediately sent him an email

Rhobie: over explaining how I have been cheating on him

Rhobie: but it's not him

Rhobie: it's me

Rhobie: and I just needed a fresh set of hands but I'll be back

Matthew: you cannot be serious

Rhobie: and on and on

Rhobie: Oh I am serious

Matthew: you sent him an email

Rhobie: dead serious

Rhobie: yes

Matthew: did he respond?

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: he did

Matthew: with?

Rhobie: he told me I was "too cute"

Rhobie: and I did not need to worry

Matthew: except when he screws you up next time

Rhobie: and he personally felt that it was good for clients to "take a vacation"

Rhobie: and that everything is good

Rhobie: and so now

Rhobie: I feel much better

Matthew: whew

Rhobie: I am at peace

Matthew: well, glad that's over

Rhobie: I know

Rhobie: me too

Matthew: so, you're going back to him?

Matthew: you're over your "short cut girl?"

Rhobie: no no

Rhobie: I am going to her again

Matthew: I see

Rhobie: but I'll probably go to him again in the next round or 2

Matthew: well all I can say is "that was a tough one."

Matthew: I mean

Matthew: the recession and if we get to keep our jobs or not is NOTHING compared to a "run by" viewing of your new hair by your old stylist who didn't cut your new hair.

Matthew: I'm drinking coffee by the way

Matthew: at this moment

Rhobie: LOL

Rhobie: great

Rhobie: I am so glad you drink coffee

Matthew: are you?

Matthew: there are several people who are

Matthew: I feel like I'm being peer pressured into doing something I know is wrong

Rhobie: good

Rhobie: that's how you should feel

Matthew: oh good

Matthew: then I'm on target

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: you are

Matthew: I feel almost like I just bought a dozen doughnuts and am hiding them in my office

Rhobie: LOL

Matthew: but I don't think I should feel that way

Rhobie: no coffee is so much better than that

Matthew: because I use splenda now

Rhobie: it keeps you skinny

Matthew: so does crack

Matthew: hmmmm

Rhobie: it also reduces cellulite

Rhobie: and you can use the grinds as an exfoiliator

Matthew: I don't think I have any cellulite

Rhobie: oh fine

Rhobie: be like that

Matthew: how can I use spelnda as an exfoliator?

Matthew: oh oh oh

Matthew: coffee grounds

Rhobie: lol

Rhobie: yes

Matthew: gross

Matthew: that stuff is nasty

Rhobie: (but I might have made that up)

Matthew: probably

Rhobie: I just like to think of all the good things that coffee can do for you

Matthew: because it's all mushy and gross

Rhobie: but it's rough

Rhobie: like exfoilator

Matthew: I can't wait to purchase it from a coffee chain store

Matthew: like I'm a regular

Matthew: getting it from the bagel shop has made my learning so much easier

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: that's true

Matthew: so now when I go to Dunkin Doughnuts, I'll just be like, "large with cream and splenda."

Rhobie: is that light and sweet?

Rhobie: or is that something else

Rhobie: what does light and sweet mean

Matthew: omg - is that an option???

Matthew: I have no idea

Rhobie: it is

Matthew: now I'm stressed

Matthew: ugh

Rhobie: people go to Dunk and order a large coffee light and sweet

Matthew: really????

Matthew: I'm glad you told me

Rhobie: I think you could do that and say "large light and sweet with splenda"

Matthew: we should ask Doug

Matthew: he goes all the time

Matthew: to DD

Rhobie: oh really?

Matthew: doesn't he?

Rhobie: i dont know

Matthew: well great.

Matthew: now I'm screwed

Rhobie: no no

Rhobie: we'll find out


You're welcome.