Wednesday, May 5, 2010

In the Words of Marvin Gaye

What’s goin’ on?

Wow, it’s been a long time. A very long time. I’m so sorry for not posting. Well, I’m not totally sorry. I mean, I needed a break. Life has been insane, and by life, I mean work. And by work, I mean both jobs. And by both jobs, I mean “real” work and church. And by “real,” I mean the one that pays the bills.


Here I am to tickle your ears with some hard-hitting journalism. And by journalism, I mean……………….oh never mind.

I’m not going to recap what’s happened to me since I took my break because I don’t have 65 hours to sit and type, but what I am going to provide is a list.

That’s right. A list. It’s a comprehensive list of thoughts, questions, comments, and ideas. They are in no order of importance (side note, I just totally mistyped that word as impotence – LOL.) Can you tell I’m delirious?


1) If I were Casey James today, I would be very, very sad. I would be so sad in fact, that I would consider cutting my wanna-be mullet (pronounced mu-lay because it’s fancy) off. Well, he doesn’t really have a mullet, but I feel like he wants one in real life, but there’s someone backstage (or a contract) that won’t let him do it. He did so poorly last night that I actually got embarrassed for him. I wanted to bless my own heart. I even got a little diarrhea cramp listening to him.

2)Harry Connick was AWESOME last night!

3) Once every two weeks there seems to be an invisible hair that grows at the bottom of my nose and feels like it’s touching my nostril. I’ve already been to the restroom four times to see if there’s anything there, and there’s not. It worries me a little.

4) Picture this – a queen sized bed. A four inch tempurpedic pad on top causing normal humans the need to catapult themselves off the bed because simply rolling isn’t an option. A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel with allergies (awesome, right?) A pregnant lady who NEEDS five pillows. FIVE PILLOWS.

Pillow 1 – standing vertical in front of the headboard.

Pillow 2 – on the bed (in normal position)

Pillow 3 – on top of Pillow 2

Pillow 4 – under belly (don’t ask)

Pillow 5 – in the small of the back

5) Has anyone seen the Youtube video of the news anchor smashing grapes and falling off of the platform? Her final 30 seconds remind a lot of Sarah. Very similar noises for her in the morning or when she’s trying to catapult herself off the mattress topper. Here it is in case you’ve missed it.

6) How can someone’s favorite song be “The Happy Birthday Song?” Literally, every morning this is what I hear. And it’s not being sung mezzo piano. No sir. I’m talkin’ about fortississimo and going down her list of people. Did you know it’s my birthday every day? And what’s funnier is that she’s just like me thinking that we want to hear another verse. Here’s what it sounds like:

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Hallie. Happy birthday to you.” “Again???? Otay!!” “Happy birthday to you……….

The, “again, otay” slays me every time. Cutie pants.

7) I wish I could describe (in words and not sounds) my love for this salad here in town. Not sure what it is because the ingredients are so simple: romaine, prosciutto, croutons, parmesan cheese, red onions, balsamic dressing. I could eat it every day. Every. Day. They also include kalamata olives and artichokes but who wants to eat that???

8) There is a game I play with my grandmother. It’s slightly mean, yet it’s slightly awesome. All I have to do is mention that I had something SO WONDERFUL to eat, I just don’t think there’s anything better. And she will try to one-up it. Literally. Simply mention, “I had the most amazing piece of pound cake today (be it a truth or a lie) and no joke, she will make one the next day, “force” you to take it and eat it, and call you back within an hour asking if it was better. And the thing is, no, I’m not kidding, and yes, it’s usually better. She has literally made a different pound cake everyday for at least two weeks. Her excuse is “she’s looking for the perfect recipe.” And FYI – I think she’s found it.

9) During the sermon at church this past Sunday, our pastor was preaching on possessions and people’s need to acquire more and more. He said, “How many of you are right now thinking about what you’re going to buy next or what you’re going to get next???” He was standing right beside me as I was drawing a floor plan to a house that I would build if I won the lottery. Sad.

10) Sarah has cried more this pregnancy than in her whole life. I’m convinced of this. I mean, how many people can cry at the graduation scene from the movie “Fame?” Or at Glee? Or at commercial about a local pool company? Or even at the mention of not having accessories to decorate the top of her dresser? True story.

Hope you enjoyed my list. I will try to get back on the blogging train.