Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Sweet Smell of Chinese Food

Since we started Weight Watchers back in mid-March, we haven't made any trips to the local Chinese restaurant, Great Wall. You know, I have a love/hate relationship with this place. I'll itemize those reasons now.

I LOVE Great Wall because:
  1. The food is good. It's not great, but there are about four dishes that I am in love with.
  2. The wait staff always remembers what I want to drink and brings it over as we're sitting down.
  3. It's super fast and easy.
  4. They serve the cream cheese and "crab" stuffed fried wantons aka "Crab Rangoon."

I HATE Great Wall because:

  1. It gives me diarrhea every single time I eat there.
  2. When you leave, you smell like a cross between a garlic bulb and a dirty gym sock.
  3. I think it's a little pricey for what you get.
  4. It's so not good for you.
  5. MSG
  6. It's so not good for you.

So like I said, we haven't made any trips there until this week. We ventured back. I know, it's not on the diet. We've been a little more free with our food choices recently. Ok, by free I mean, I've eaten like crap for two weeks. Thankfully, I haven't gained any weight from my new found freedom, but I know that if I continue, I will start to gain. Monday starts the ultra-strict point counting system from WW again.

So while we were eating Spicy Chicken and Beef and Broccoli on Tuesday, I heard something that made me laugh. The sound was nothing new to the restaurant, but for some reason, it really cracked me up and I can't stop thinking about it - and dying laughing all at the same time.

Ever heard of Muzak? It's a service that businesses can subscribe to and they provide you with background music for your business. I remember back in my days at the Gap, "Groove is in the Heart" was always on our Muzak track. So, as I sat enjoying my food, I couldn't help but hear a familiar tune being played in the restaurant. It was the theme song to Titanic, "My Heart Will Go On." Except, it was being covered by a wicked Chinese guitar player. And by Chinese guitar, I mean and actual pipa.

I couldn't understand where or how I knew this song since it sounded like an ancient Chinese song of worship and then I was like, "wait, this is "My Heart Will Go On" originally performed by Celie Dion." Well, to my surprise, the next song was none other than Journey's "Don't Stop Believing."


What the.....

I'm so confused....

So at this point, I can no longer stop thinking about the Chinese artist who covers moderately new and moderately old ballads for the pipa. It's like I can see them sitting there and saying, "oh, I know, let's do "Don't Stop Believing"...and a one, and a two and a three......"

Well, the show came to a screeching halt (and a piece of sweet and sour chicken came flying out of my mouth) when I heard Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time." It was just too much to handle. So here's how it plays out in my mind......all I can do is now stare at the enormous, back-lit wall mounted poster of two Chinese people (in full traditional Chinese dress with these enormous straw hats) standing in what looks like a Chinese gondola, in the middle of a large body of water and there's an enormous black duck perched on the boat's ore. And I think to myself, "so these two people are out fishing in China and then they go back to rock out the pipa and lay down some Cher tracks for Chinese-American restaurants.

Lord help me......

I can't stop laughing.