Friday, November 13, 2009


Ok, so I have some pretty special news to share.

But it's going to be about 15 days before I can really talk about it.

This isn't news like, "oh look at how awesome Matthew is."

It's news like, "Wow. What a great thing, I want to do that too."

I'll explain later.

So, I'll be posting blogs per normal, but just know there's something special coming in about 15 days.

Thursday, November 12, 2009


I have major news.

I mean, this is serious.

I have just completed my third consecutive day of having coffee in the morning.

And I feel like my heart could explode at any given moment.

I’ve never been a coffee drinker. Ever. I think it all stems from my issues with hot beverages. I generally don’t like them. I mean, I don’t want liquid fire sitting on my tongue. It’s just not pleasant to me. Hot chocolate? Nope. But I’ll take a nice lukewarm chocolate please!

As a sidenote, I feel the same way about soup.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel a little more sophisticated with my new-found love of coffee. Except, my unfamiliarity is totally broadcasted when I prepare it. You know what I mean. Hardcore, serious coffee drinkers take no time to prepare their coffee. They put in like one pack of equal and a splash of cream. A quick stir and they’re off the office. Me? Not so much.

A half cup of cream and twelve packets of sugar later, I’m still all….”hmmmmm, it’s just not right. Maybe it needs more cream?” Meanwhile, the other patrons are looking at me disapprovingly, like, “He clearly just started drinking yesterday.”

I may as well get some flavored syrup (or a shot as they call it) added in.

But that would be silly because I’m a serious coffee drinker now.

So yes, it looks like I’m a chemist when I’m preparing my coffee – sue me. Then the fun part comes. I get to walk around town and my office with the fancy take-out coffee cup with the cute, branded, cardboard, slip-cover thing on the cup. I’m guessing this is because the cup is hot to the touch? I feel fancy with this, like I’m “one of the in-crowd now.”

Most people in my office parade around with their porcelain mugs or stainless travel mugs. Nope. Not me. I feel like that dates you a little. Sorta like Ugg boots.

I need to stop here and talk about Ugg boots. I don’t get them. They have to be the most grossly unattractive shoe(?) in the entire world. And no, I don’t care that they’re Australian. They’re ugly. So very ugly. So very, “I’m a lady, yet a lumberjack, and I wear flannel, unless I’m wearing a short denim skirt with leggings, Ugg boots and a vest.”


So anyway, I feel like the actual “mug” dates you. Sorta like you’ve worked here for at least twelve years. These are the same people who keep their mugs on their desks and I would almost bet there’s a ring at the bottom of the mug from old coffee that just doesn’t get rinsed out very well.

I don’t want to be that person.

I want to be trendy Starbucks boy. Except I DO NOT want to be, nor feel it necessary to be, the person who spends $9.00 on a coffee drink. Did I think I would probably love the pumpkin spice latte? BY ALL MEANS!!! But frankly, I don’t know what a latte is…..and how it differs from actual coffee. Plus I feel like all those drinks are full of unnecessary calories (but that theory is mostly based on those refrigerated Starbucks drinks that came out some time ago that look like they taste like a Yahoo.)

So who really knows.

I could totally be off-base.

What I’m asking you all is a simple question.

Where do I start? I’ve been doing just basic coffee with a little cream and three packets of sugar (true story.) Is there something else I should try? Is there something that has more benefits? Is there something that is just as yummy lukewarm?

Help me, but first, congratulate me on coming to the darkside!!!

But by darkside I do not mean blackside as in my coffee is black like my grandmothers drink it because that would be disgusting.

By the way, I’m already struggling with coffee breath. Any tips on that?

Monday, November 9, 2009

A Scary Halloween

I'm aware it's November 9.

These photos were taken at our downtown trick or treat event - properly referred to as - Ghost on the Coast.

I have to share them.

I'm sorry if any of the pictures are of you.

Not really.

I am speechless. And not in the good way. It's like a citizen of Rome stepped into a pool of Pepto. Bad, bad, bad. They can't be comfortable of your feet, I mean, my eyes hurt.

For those of you who do not live in Port St. Joe, the "Pig" is referring to the local grocery store, The Piggly Wiggly. That's the real name. It's not a joke. I sorta wish it was. The navy blue t-shirt is the front of the shirt. The nice royal (?) blue shirt is the back. Ummmm. It's fine really. It's just not me, per se. I just don't know if I could wear a shirt telling people I'll see them at the Pig.

The Pig.


Moving on......

I need to go ahead and clear a few things up:
  1. Yes, that is an adult.
  2. Yes, I too enjoy the "off the shoulder" look.
  3. I enjoy that adult costume makers attempt the slightly flare-legged pant.
As I look back at this picture, I am reminded of a time when my company used to walk in the annual Christmas parade. One year, we were walking in front of a group of chain-smoking, spandex-clad, 55 year old "Santa's helpers." I'll never forget it. It haunts me to this day.

They were not skinny.

By any stretch (ehem, ehem.)

But they worked that spandex like it was their job.

Which actually could have been.