Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Ant and the Grasshopper

(Alyson, I know you'll love this.)


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.


Work hard and be responsible for yourself!


The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.' ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.” Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight. Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses, bringing the rest of the free world with it.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Thanksgiving know you want it.

I think I gained 15 pounds over the weekend.


Riddle me this: Why is it almost more exhausting to go away for the holiday than just normal daily routine? Oh right…….that’s because Celie is now involved.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving, a low-key one, but lovely. We also had a limited menu because Sarah’s parents had to work the day before and after Thanksgiving and they work 12-hour shifts. Our menu was: Turkey, Dressing, Green Bean Casserole, Sweet Potatoes, Crescent Rolls (or Cru-sahnts as my MIL, Joy likes to call them), Pecan Pie and Pumpkin Pie (thank you Joy for “making those” – they were superb.)

I have to stop here because I’m laughing at the thought of this. You may remember THIS POST about Joyisms. Yes, she has a way with words. I have a new one to add to the mix and I’d like to share it now.

Joy, like my own mother, is a master gravy maker. I am not. When we got the turkey out of the roaster all the delicious drippings were left over. I strained them out leaving a pure, smooth turkey stock (from a dry brine thank you very much – and thank you Williams Sonoma.) So, after the straining, Joy begins to work her magic on the gravy and we begin talking about all things gravy at this point. Phil (Sarah’s dad) is sitting at the bar licking his lips, dying to taste-test something…..just ANYTHING – (I believe that was an exact quote.) Phil says to me:

“I guess your family isn’t big gravy people???”

(Pardon me while I belly laugh at this)

“HA! Oh yes, they are very serious about their gravy. My dad won’t even eat rice or potatoes without it. They are big giblet gravy people too, but I don’t make that because I’m not crazy about it.”

“Oh, do they put all the entrails and egg in it too?”

“Yep, I think they totally do.”

(Brace yourself………..)

Joy: “That’s what I used to eat growing up, but I’ve never been a big fan of Lizards.”

(Matthew looking at Phil very confused)

Matthew: “Ummmm, Lizards????”

Joy: “Yeah, I just don’t eat that stuff.”

(Well, who does really?)

Matthew: “Do you mean gizzards????”

(Phil shaking his head and holding in a laugh)

Joy: “Oh yes….gizzards.”

The fun never stops.

So, we had a great meal and pretty much passed out afterward except the monkey that we found on the side of the road (Celie) was as crazy as a sprayed roach. After some serious lounging, the debate started as to whether we should go black Friday shopping at midnight at the outlets, aka, Heaven.

I mean, have we become those people?

Yes. We have.

So, as all normal people do, Sarah and I went to sleep at 7:00 and woke up at 11:00 to get ready and go. It was so cold, but I was all like, “No one is going to be there. We’ll just zip in and zip out.”

HA! Joke’s on you fat boy!

Not only were there a lot of people out, but we had to park across highway 98 in the back of a grocery store parking lot. As we sprinted across the street freezing our whoo-whoo’s off, my eyes could not believe the amount of people.

Some people in PJ’s, some dressed to the nines, some clearly just escaped from prison and then there was us. Shorts, flip-flops and a sweat shirt. I was dying. However, it was all worth it because at the end of the day, I got a pair of $225 shoes for $85 and three shirts that would have been $175 for $90!!!!


Sarah got an amazing deal on a Cricut the next day, but I’m sure she’s going to blog about that.

The best part? Whataburger at 3:00 am.

No, not a burger and fries thank you very much.

A taquito and sausage, egg and cheese biscuit (which could have been the best one I’ve ever had.)

We made it back home, fell asleep and got up and left at 7:00 the next morning for more deals.

Christmas shopping is over!!!

Except a gift for my dad who is by virtue, the most difficult person to shop for because he gives you NOTHING TO GO BY. Not a hint, a clue, or an idea.

My mom says to get him nothing until he tells you.

Yeah right.

Hope you had a wonderfully, happy Thanksgiving like we did!!!