In Certain Circles I Could Be Shot for Saying This...

There are a few things I need to say.

And I'm doing it in my blog because if I lived in a larger city and actually said these things out loud I could run the risk of getting shot.

1) (I'm sorry America.)

I do not / cannot understand the infatuation with Beyonce. I'm sorry. I can't. Furthermore, I do not think she is a good singer. I actually think she is a bad singer. She sounds like a random, higher-quality church singer with a moderately-wide vibrato who can't figure out when to belt and not belt. Why does everything have to be screaming? I do not consider her to be a musical visionary, true artist or whatever other name celebrities like to throw around when referring to other celebrities. For me, she's always going to be the girl that sang the song with the line....

"Do you pay my bills, do you pay my telephone bill, do you pay my automobile?"

Artist? I think not.

That Grammy performance was so awkward too. What was with all the GI Joe's? And what was with her writhing around on the stage?

Oh wait, she's a visionary!

When I think about songs that have majorly impacted or changed our culture, I think about a lot of older songs. Songs like "Imagine," "Bridge Over Troubled Water," "We Are the World," (LOL), stuff like that. I don't think about "Single Ladies." It's like the music industry is run by the mob and Jay-Z is the Godfather.

Whatever. I can't stand Beyonce. Sue me.

2) Taylor Swift, you had the biggest album of 2009. Is it really hard to believe you're winning awards?? Enough with the "surprised" stammering and deer in the headlights look.

3) I CANNOT SEE one more woman layer a turtleneck and tights underneath a summer dress. It's not clever, it's not being a "fashion plate," it's not even cute. Please stop before I have to gouge my eyes out.

4) I would rather eat a sand sandwich than a deconstructed Big Mac in a tortilla. Just sayin'.

5) Haiti, the celebrity crisis de jour. Can we stop all the publicity around celebrities who even say the word Haiti? There's a lot of people helping Haiti, many of whom will go unnoticed. But noooooooo, not our good friends the celebrities.

****Sidebar****

At what point in your celebrity do you become a political and cultural expert? I'm just curious. It seems like you have to be in a movie with George Clooney. Then all of a sudden you have all these opinions on politics and what country we should aid and from where you should adopt children.

****Sidebar over****

6) I think Lady Gaga is a freak with daddy issues.

7) I think Smokey Robinson should give up the ghost. Dude, your career ended a while ago for a reason.

8) I think if you want to see some real musical talent, you look at the artists who are doing it because they love it, not because they want to get rich from it. Look at the Christian artists of our day. There are some folks out there that could sing the pants off anyone who performed on the Grammys last night. Also, look at people like the Dave Matthew's Band.

(Sarah just wet herself.)

While I do not personally enjoy the DMB "style," they are absolute musical geniuses.

9) I would like to hit the missionaries who were arrested in Haiti. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?????? "no one will notice (and surely not arrest us) if we attempt to smuggle 33 kids across the border." IDIOTS!

sorta like, "No officer, I don't use these prescription drugs hidden in my suitcase. I'm giving them to my grandmother who can't afford them and she really needs them. It's the right thing to do."

And go to jail for.

10) Michael Jackson is dead.

Get.

Over.

It.