It's 9:24....and I Want to Go to Sleep.

It's New Year's Eve.

At 9:25 pm.

And I'm lying in our bed which just so happens to have no sheets (or anything) on it while Sarah is in the living room flipping between HGTV (no surprise) and PBS which has the New York Philharmonic ringing in the New Year with a special concert.

It's an exciting life we live I tell ya.

This is what's it's all come to. Celie is asleep in her bed/crib/trampoline. Lilly is on the couch snuggled up on a pillow and snoring. I'm wondering what I can eat next....

Oreos - check

Almonds - check

Left over chicken tender - check

Reese's Peanut Butter Cup - check

(what's wrong with me?)

And I love every minute of it. Uh oh, Sarah's making a move. I think she's coming in here. Yep, definitely is. I hear her closing up the armoire. Next, she's going to ask me to put all the bedding on - which I hate doing. Then she's going to cough, deeply exhale, moan a little as she rolls onto the bed, cough, say "I'm so sleepy", cough, ask me, "Do you think my prenatal vitamins are going to make me sick tonight?", and I'll respond, "Probably not since they haven't the last 15 times you've taken them.", cough, ask me again to go get the bedding, cough and go to sleep.

Well folks. Happy New Year to you. Tomorrow, we head to Panama City for a few things. I'm hoping to find the perfect solution for my 1/4 bathroom makeover!!

Have I talked about that yet? I can't remember. Here's the quick and dirty. We have the weirdest, most spatially-challenged 1/4 bath in our laundry room. There's no sink. No towel rack. Just a toilet which happens to be set way too far from the wall. If it weren't set out so far, we could but a nice sink in there and make it a nice functional powder room. Except it's in the laundry room.

"Yes, right this way Mrs. Dinner Guest. The powder room is right through that door. Don't mind the pile of whites there and the Sam's Club purchase of Bleach, Clorox Cleanup, Styrofoam plates and Diet Coke. You can just step right over it."

No.

*Sidenote* Either Sarah just died in the bathroom or the sound she just made was of her famous "throat clearing." You probably heard it in Texas, Alyson.

Anyway, the "powder room" will soon become my new walk-in pantry!!!! More really like a Butler's pantry. I'm going to shelve the entire 66" back wall with five shelves. It will be so awesome. My choir member/church member/friend/plumber is going to take out the toilet and "cap the lines" whatever that means. Then I'll put up the shelves, load the shelves with one million dollars in Sam's purchases and all will be right with the world.

*Sidenote* Our bathroom apparently doubles as the local Bath and Body works. All I smell is Eucalyptus and Mint.

My pantry will be awesome. I can't wait to get it going. I'll blog with you all later.

Have a great, non-drinking-and-driving, safe night!

The Fat Finger

"fat finger"

That phrase is new to me. Well, I should say it's newer to me. I was only recently introduced to it a couple months ago. For those of you who don't know what it means, it's simply a way to describe a typo in an email, text, or any other document generated by using a keyboard.

Sorta like, "Oh, I guess I fat fingered the numbers on that spreadsheet."

Can I just say how much it grosses me out to hear that phrase? I fat fingered it. I mean, what? Your fingers are so fat they hit wrong numbers? My mind goes to so many places (mostly involving fried chicken grease) I can't even tell you.

But this lovely phrase brings up a good point about the infamous typo.

Most of you probably don't know this, but I am acutely aware of really bizarre details like: typing skills, handwriting, nose hair, incessant throat clearing, vocabulary choices, word pronunciation, slouchy socks and a few others. I notice these things right away, which is so strange, but I do.

Nonetheless, my professional, post college work life has solely been with the corporate world. I've always had email, computers and other technology all around me. I say this to convince you of my typing skills. I'm a good typer. I'm a fast typer. I'm an accurate typer. But it's because I've been typing my entire teen through adult life. Typing is like second nature to me. I don't have to look at the keyboard and can totally be doing something else while typing.

I'm not bragging, I promise.

So, when I see others in professional settings who also are using keyboards for their day-to-day work, but aren't so......proficient, I take notice (due to my problem mentioned above.)

Picture this:

I go to the bank to deposit some Christmas money. It consisted of some actual cash and some checks. I handed it all to the teller who starts keying it all in. Well, I notice that she FAT FINGERED (gross) one of the entries because I'm standing there watching her. She counts the money again, looks at the screen very confused, and recounts again. Then I tell her.

"I think you accidentally hit the 2 instead of the 0."

Which I know she did. I watched her.

She looks at me strangely and then back to her computer to see if I was right. Then she started looking at me like I was up to something or like my invisible twin was on the other side of the teller desk watching her. When really, all she needed to know was that it's just one of the things I notice.

I don't know what the point of this post was except to tell you about "fat finger" and some of my obsessive tendencies. However, I'll try to do what most big fancy bloggers who actually earn an income off their blogs do and leave you with a question (which will only receive about 4 responses.)

What are some of your crazy, obsessive tendencies????

Welcome Back!

Whew.....

I feel like a college professor who has recently returned from sabbatical, which, by the way, I've always found particularly intriguing. I mean, to just leave work for like a year, but still get paid and not have to use vacation or sick time? I suppose that's how it works. I wouldn't know because I've never taken sabbatical.

But I digress.

It's been forever since we've last spoken and I wanted to make sure and update you on all that's been going on in our life, which I can say is just SO UNBELIEVABLY EXCITING.

Or not.

But first things first. You may recall this post where I mentioned some big news. It was so funny to read your responses. Everyone thought Sarah was pregnant.

By the way, Sarah is pregnant - due July 24.

But that wasn't the topic of that post because we didn't know she was pregnant. Apparently you all did and have an acute sense of her cycle and for that I salute you. I wish you all would have told me about your secret powers the week we decided to by a convertible VW Beetle and then the next week discover Sarah was pregnant with Celie.

But I'm no grudge holder. Well, sorta I am. But not about this.

Ok, moving on.

I have had the worst conviction recently about lifestyle. We've become a society of "gotta have it now." We have to have the latest and greatest. We blog so people have insight to our lives. We tweet so we know what people are doing every hour of the day. We facebook to "connect" with people we really don't even know that well. All this technology has made us very discontent. Everything in our world that is "consumer driven" is a convenience these days. After pondering this, I sat back and thought about all the things that make me angry.

1. My wool trousers are wrinkled
2. I can't eat pork tenderloin another night
3. My garage is dirty
4. Why can't my driveway be paved
5. How are there still Styrofoam peanuts all over my yard
6. My yard isn't healthy
7. My wireless Internet is slow

And then it hit me. There are people in this world who don't even know if they're going to eat today. There are people in OUR world who don't understand plumbing or clean water or sanitation or medicine or school. There are children who go undernourished every single day.

All they want is something to eat and drink. All they want is a warm house and a bed to sleep in. A mommy and daddy to tell them "I love you." And these basic things - things we take for granted each and every day - are all they yearn for.

So, we decided to help. We have officially become sponsor parents to a little girl in El Salvador. Her name is Ana. She is 10 years old. We decided to use Compassion International to help us make this decision. It only takes $39 per month to give her medications, clothes, food and a spot back in school. Ana still lives with her parents. Her dad continuously goes from job to job in an attempt to provide for their family, but it's rarely enough.

I'm not trying to sound like Sally Strouthers here (speaking of, remember her commercials?), but all I'm saying is $39 can change a life. Can completely change a life. I researched a lot of international aid organizations and Compassion just seemed to be the right fit for us. They're a Christian organization who has received some of the highest ratings for their work.

It's $39 a month. And it completely changes the life of a child.

I'm not asking you to sign up with Compassion, but I am asking you to evaluate what's really important in life. Be thankful for what you have. Be kind. Be patient. Be respectful. Remember to tell people how much you love them. Remember that not everyone has it as easy as you, and chances are, if you're able to read this blog using a computer and an Internet access, you've got it pretty easy in the grand scheme of things.

It's a small contribution to make each month to have such a lasting impact.

So there you have it. That was my big news. We're sponsor parents! (And expecting parents too!!)

Have a great week!

Merry Christmas

Hey everybody!!

Just wanted to say Merry Christmas to you. I've been out of pocket for a couple weeks, but I'll be back next week with plenty to talk about. Here's a sneak peak:

1) Big News revealed

2) More big news discovered

3) How I accidentally walked through Pet Smart with my shorts unbuttoned and unzipped

4) Christmas recap

5) Sarah's INSANE cough

Blog with you soon!!!

(Jamie - yes, I will reveal the "Big News." I've been waiting for a photo to scan in and finally got it so now the story can go on. Sorry for the delay - LOL, LOL.)

Clinically Insane, Party of One.

*****LONG AND RAMBLY ALERT

LEAVE NOW IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE IT*****

I have two things to talk about today.

1. The fact that I’m about to start my period.

2. Why I choose to reason with a 22 month old.

So I’m about to start my period. You know how I know? I can’t stop eating. I mean, seriously. I

Can’t.

Stop.

Eating.

It’s like I’m a caged animal who was just dropped off at the nearest Golden Corral. Or Ryan’s. Or Pizza Hut (for the lunch buffet – yum.) I don’t know what my problem is. I’m almost concerned. After dinner last night, I could have seriously eaten an entire pan of homemade Rice Krispy Treats. And I’m not even going to tell you what all I consumed on Monday because it’s just plain embarrassing. But let me just say, it was a lot. I mean, a lot. It almost makes me tired from just thinking about it. My poor body. What am I doing to it?

I’ve also been a little moody and high-strung. My other two classic symptoms. Sarah hates the week before my period. Although, I don’t really recall what happens when I’m actually “on” my period since I’m not a girl, but whatever. I still have one and I’m not afraid to admit it.

I ate an “everything” bagel this morning and I could easily go to McDonalds right now and order two sausage biscuits. But that would be so horrible. I would never do that on a Wednesday. However, tomorrow is another day.

I also have been having major facial breakouts. Which is annoying. Because I’m thirty. But my face is so oily. I won’t get into it here, but let me tell you……there won’t be many wrinkles in this face in ten more years because of my oil issue.

And the fact that I have a fat face.

I don’t know why I have such oily skin, but I do. I don’t think either of my parents have oily skin. Lord knows my mother doesn’t. I don’t know. The point is, I’ve been breaking out and it’s annoying, but once again, a sign of my impending period. Not to mention I just said I wasn’t going to talk about this but did anyway.

Maybe this is my period. Maybe all these issues are my period since I’m all……you know…..a guy. And not a girl. Who actually has one. Whatever. I’m done with this topic now.

Moving on.

I haven’t truly figured out why I try to reason with my sweet little daughter. I think it’s because she’s so agreeable. You know, she answers “OK” to everything I ask her so I think she’s ready for logic and reasoning. Some of the things I find myself reasoning with her about are completely ridiculous and later I start laughing because I’m so out of control. I’ll list some specific examples here:

1. This morning while I was changing her, she pointed at my ring and said, “Daddy’s ring.” And I said, “That’s right Celie, that is Daddy’s wedding ring. You know what that means? It means that Daddy is married to Mommy forever and ever……..well, unless Mommy cheats on Daddy then Daddy will really have to think about the future, but if that happened I think it’s safe to say that you would come live with me, ok?”

Celie’s response, “OK.”

2. A couple nights ago, Celie was playing like a maniac in her room. She has this little art table that is plastic and sortof “grows with you.” It eventually becomes an easel at its last stage. I tell you that because it’s not like a sturdy solid wood table. I mean, it’s sturdy, but Sarah doesn’t need to stand on it to do her dances like she does in the dining room - but I digress. So anyway, Celie started to climb on top of it (a bad habit she’s picked up recently) and I said to her, “Celie, you don’t get on top of that table, ok? You could fall off and hurt yourself, or worse, you could fall and break your arm and we’d have to rush you over to the emergency room where you’d be in a lot of pain and I don’t think I could deal with that, ok?”

Celie’s response, “OK.”

3. Celie was eating dinner. When she’s hungry she eats like she’s never seen food. Ever. Sometimes she crams all the food in her mouth which totally sends me to my unhappy place. Mainly because choking is now my #1 fear (it moved up the ladder when Autism, pediatric cancer, brain development issues and having the organs on the outside of her body were all ruled out.) By the way, that last sentence is not a joke. I seriously obsessed about all of those issues for nine months and am in no way mocking those conditions. So anyway, anytime she crams food in mouth, I get all tense and almost break out in hives waiting for her to choke. So when she performed this little trick last week I said to her, “Celie, I need you to not cram all that food in your mouth. You could get choked and I would have to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on you, which I probably couldn’t do because I would be hysterical and then you die right in front of me and Mommy and Daddy would be devastated and really wouldn’t know how to go on with life without you in it, so I need you to only bite off what you need and chew it up, ok?”

Celie’s response, “OK.”

She’s so agreeable. I love it.

Now someone pass me my Xanex.

The Ant and the Grasshopper

(Alyson, I know you'll love this.)

OLD VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Work hard and be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.' ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.” Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight. Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses, bringing the rest of the free world with it.

Thanksgiving Recap.......you know you want it.

I think I gained 15 pounds over the weekend.

Seriously.

Riddle me this: Why is it almost more exhausting to go away for the holiday than just normal daily routine? Oh right…….that’s because Celie is now involved.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving, a low-key one, but lovely. We also had a limited menu because Sarah’s parents had to work the day before and after Thanksgiving and they work 12-hour shifts. Our menu was: Turkey, Dressing, Green Bean Casserole, Sweet Potatoes, Crescent Rolls (or Cru-sahnts as my MIL, Joy likes to call them), Pecan Pie and Pumpkin Pie (thank you Joy for “making those” – they were superb.)

I have to stop here because I’m laughing at the thought of this. You may remember THIS POST about Joyisms. Yes, she has a way with words. I have a new one to add to the mix and I’d like to share it now.

Joy, like my own mother, is a master gravy maker. I am not. When we got the turkey out of the roaster all the delicious drippings were left over. I strained them out leaving a pure, smooth turkey stock (from a dry brine thank you very much – and thank you Williams Sonoma.) So, after the straining, Joy begins to work her magic on the gravy and we begin talking about all things gravy at this point. Phil (Sarah’s dad) is sitting at the bar licking his lips, dying to taste-test something…..just ANYTHING – (I believe that was an exact quote.) Phil says to me:

“I guess your family isn’t big gravy people???”

(Pardon me while I belly laugh at this)

“HA! Oh yes, they are very serious about their gravy. My dad won’t even eat rice or potatoes without it. They are big giblet gravy people too, but I don’t make that because I’m not crazy about it.”

“Oh, do they put all the entrails and egg in it too?”

“Yep, I think they totally do.”

(Brace yourself………..)

Joy: “That’s what I used to eat growing up, but I’ve never been a big fan of Lizards.”

(Matthew looking at Phil very confused)

Matthew: “Ummmm, Lizards????”

Joy: “Yeah, I just don’t eat that stuff.”

(Well, who does really?)

Matthew: “Do you mean gizzards????”

(Phil shaking his head and holding in a laugh)

Joy: “Oh yes….gizzards.”

The fun never stops.

So, we had a great meal and pretty much passed out afterward except the monkey that we found on the side of the road (Celie) was as crazy as a sprayed roach. After some serious lounging, the debate started as to whether we should go black Friday shopping at midnight at the outlets, aka, Heaven.

I mean, have we become those people?

Yes. We have.

So, as all normal people do, Sarah and I went to sleep at 7:00 and woke up at 11:00 to get ready and go. It was so cold, but I was all like, “No one is going to be there. We’ll just zip in and zip out.”

HA! Joke’s on you fat boy!

Not only were there a lot of people out, but we had to park across highway 98 in the back of a grocery store parking lot. As we sprinted across the street freezing our whoo-whoo’s off, my eyes could not believe the amount of people.

Some people in PJ’s, some dressed to the nines, some clearly just escaped from prison and then there was us. Shorts, flip-flops and a sweat shirt. I was dying. However, it was all worth it because at the end of the day, I got a pair of $225 shoes for $85 and three shirts that would have been $175 for $90!!!!

SCORE!

Sarah got an amazing deal on a Cricut the next day, but I’m sure she’s going to blog about that.

The best part? Whataburger at 3:00 am.

No, not a burger and fries thank you very much.

A taquito and sausage, egg and cheese biscuit (which could have been the best one I’ve ever had.)

We made it back home, fell asleep and got up and left at 7:00 the next morning for more deals.

Christmas shopping is over!!!

Except a gift for my dad who is by virtue, the most difficult person to shop for because he gives you NOTHING TO GO BY. Not a hint, a clue, or an idea.

My mom says to get him nothing until he tells you.

Yeah right.

Hope you had a wonderfully, happy Thanksgiving like we did!!!

Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me

Because my blog is so full of deep, soul-searching, thought-provoking content, I thought it would be fun to mix it up a bit and give you some personal fluff. This idea spells "list mania" to me!!! Yeah, that's it. Let's list some things you probably don't know about me....or who knows, some of you might know all of this. Whatever...

1) I hate the color purple. Not, The Color Purple (I love that), but the actual color purple. Sadly enough, it was one of my high and middle school colors. Purple. Purple and Gold really. Purple, Gold and a little White (the shark's team is outta sight!!! - if we're finishing the cheer.)

2) I have never been to New York City. One third of me is saddened by this, one third feels like it's a little (or a lot) overrated, and one third would rather go to Colorado instead. Question. Does anyone watch "The City" on MTV? If so, how accurate is it depicting the actual city? I have to say that I'm sorta intrigued by all the "boroughs" of NYC and the sweeping generalizations that come with them.

3) I love episodes of "Mama's Family." I can't help it. Vicky Lawrence + Carol Burnett x Harvey Korman / Dorothy Lyman = MAGIC!

4) I am a seasoned athlete. I have been on baseball, football and golf teams in my younger day. I played baseball forever - right field, catcher (huge mistake), third base (once). I was on MTI, then The Stars! I was a Tackle in football. I had a +8 handicap in golf. You're welcome.

5) I love frozen fish sticks. And I'm not kidding. It's probably been well over two years since I've had any.....maybe. But I love them. What's more? I love them with melted cheese on white bread with ketchup. Love. I am in love with this sandwich.

6) I grew up a restaurant kid. My family owned THE BEST seafood restaurant for almost 40 years. I used to pretend "fire" employees. I used to make them play make believe with me as if we were on a train to Disney World (I would make them line up tons of chairs in a row like a train.) As a child I played behind a full bar and knew dozens of types of alcohol. I even knew that Tequila had a worm in it. And yet I never touched the stuff. As a note, I used the word "make" in this point for emphasis only. Of course I didn't MAKE anyone do anything....I'm not Mariah Carey for crying out loud.

7) Sometimes I repeat actions because I know it's going to make me really mad. For example, there's a blog that Sarah visits frequently. She has it listed as one of the blogs she reads. I absolutely cannot stand it. Simply because I feel like the author of the blog is trying too hard to be funny and quippy. And I am so overly annoyed by the author's writing and personal style. And I know it's going to make me mad and irritated every time I read it. Yet, I go back daily. This is just one very, very simple example.

8) I own 39 long sleeve Brooks Brothers button-downs and 29 Lacoste polos. I know this because I just counted them. Because I have nothing better to do at 12:25 AM while Sarah and Lilly are trying to sleep. The brands aren't important except that it should show you just how obsessive I am in "real life."

9) I am still holding on to a lot of "feelings" around two of my former friends. Friends that I was very, very close to. These feelings aren't good ones. They're also not necessarily bad (which I need to point out because my mother will leave a comment that says I won't go to heaven if I have any bad feelings in my heart.) They're just weird, if-I-see-you-in-public-I-will-more-than-likely-avoid-you-because-I-could-either-burst-into-tears-or-hit-you kinda feelings. All very simple and non-complex.

10) I HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE licorice. With a passion. I think I'd rather die than eat it. I seriously cannot stand it. I dry heave just thinking about it. Gross. Puke. Gag. Hate.

11) I hate words like "Licorice" that are pronounced like "Lick-or-ish" but are spelled like "Licorice." I mean, why? Oh yes, by the way, certain words and phrases really make me crazy (since we're on the subject.) Words like: moist, irregardless, foyer (when pronounced "foy-yay" - be it correct or not.), and taught (as in pulling something taught.) Phrases like: And things of that nature, It's been a hard day on my desk, and Whatcha know good?

12) I do not, will not, cannot watch scary movies. It's not that I believe the plot could actually happen, but I just do not enjoy practicing for a heart attack. I really dislike scary movies. Keep in mind that I consider the "The Sixth Sense" a scary movie.

13) I want a Yamaha U1, upright, black (obviously) piano so badly I can taste it. I want to play it. I want Celie to play it. I want to put it where our little buffet table is. If you buy it for me, I will play for you whenever you want for an entire year. Make it two. For two years, I'll play for you. I'll be your personal pianist!

14) At one point I thought I was going to stop blogging. But with content like this, why would I stop?

15) I cannot use public restrooms for number two unless I'm in a complete state of emergency. States of Emergency include: A recent feast of BBQ, breakfast food "out", a stomach bug, anything with pesto, collard greens.

16) I owe the IRS $233 from 2007 taxes. Wha???? They just sent me a letter. I mean, $233? Trust me when I ask, aren't there bigger fish to fry? Trust me, there are. Let me walk you down the street and show you.

17) I have a secret obsession with penmanship. I will judge you based on your penmanship....but only for a second until I snap out of it.

18) I am bored with this post.

19) I really, really want to meet and talk with Travis Cottrell about worship. I need to ask him what goes on in his head with some of these amazing songs he creates. He's my earthly, musical idol. I'm pretty sure I would make a fool of myself if I ever got the chance.

20) (Finally, 20. I thought it would never get here.) Ummmmm, want Lasik surgery but am COMPLETELY terrified to even consider it. But just think, wouldn't it be amazing to wake up, rub your eyes, and be able to see the clock without squinting? Can you imagine??????

Weekly With Rhobie - Episode #2

You all may remember this post from a few days ago with my co-worker Rhobie. Well, so many of you (3) contacted me and told me how much you enjoyed reading it (although you didn't comment on the blog, but whatever,) that I thought it would be fun to have a "weekly with Rhobie" every week. We tend (read, always) to have meaningless conversations in the morning and throughout the day, so whenever we have one that I feel is blog worthy, I'll simply paste it into the blog without Rhobie's knowledge or permission.

Fun, right?

So, here you go. Another mind-numbingly interesting conversation.

You'll thank me later. Promise.

********************

Rhobie: OMG

Rhobie: I didn't tell you what I did

Matthew: ??

Rhobie: I went running last friday night

Rhobie: and ran right by my hair guy who I've been cheating on

Rhobie: and of course he saw my hair

Rhobie: and he yelled hi

Rhobie: and I yelled hi and kept running

Matthew: lol

Matthew: awesome

Rhobie: and it was so awkward and I didn't know if I should stop and over explain (as you know I do)

Rhobie: or just keep running

Rhobie: omg

Rhobie: how awful

Matthew: wow

Matthew: lol

Rhobie: and so

Rhobie: I thought about it and stressed about it my whole run

Matthew: you and C-note are over

Rhobie: of course

Rhobie: and so

Rhobie: when I got home I immediately sent him an email

Rhobie: over explaining how I have been cheating on him

Rhobie: but it's not him

Rhobie: it's me

Rhobie: and I just needed a fresh set of hands but I'll be back

Matthew: you cannot be serious

Rhobie: and on and on

Rhobie: Oh I am serious

Matthew: you sent him an email

Rhobie: dead serious

Rhobie: yes

Matthew: did he respond?

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: he did

Matthew: with?

Rhobie: he told me I was "too cute"

Rhobie: and I did not need to worry

Matthew: except when he screws you up next time

Rhobie: and he personally felt that it was good for clients to "take a vacation"

Rhobie: and that everything is good

Rhobie: and so now

Rhobie: I feel much better

Matthew: whew

Rhobie: I am at peace

Matthew: well, glad that's over

Rhobie: I know

Rhobie: me too

Matthew: so, you're going back to him?

Matthew: you're over your "short cut girl?"

Rhobie: no no

Rhobie: I am going to her again

Matthew: I see

Rhobie: but I'll probably go to him again in the next round or 2

Matthew: well all I can say is "that was a tough one."

Matthew: I mean

Matthew: the recession and if we get to keep our jobs or not is NOTHING compared to a "run by" viewing of your new hair by your old stylist who didn't cut your new hair.

Matthew: I'm drinking coffee by the way

Matthew: at this moment

Rhobie: LOL

Rhobie: great

Rhobie: I am so glad you drink coffee

Matthew: are you?

Matthew: there are several people who are

Matthew: I feel like I'm being peer pressured into doing something I know is wrong

Rhobie: good

Rhobie: that's how you should feel

Matthew: oh good

Matthew: then I'm on target

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: you are

Matthew: I feel almost like I just bought a dozen doughnuts and am hiding them in my office

Rhobie: LOL

Matthew: but I don't think I should feel that way

Rhobie: no coffee is so much better than that

Matthew: because I use splenda now

Rhobie: it keeps you skinny

Matthew: so does crack

Matthew: hmmmm

Rhobie: it also reduces cellulite

Rhobie: and you can use the grinds as an exfoiliator

Matthew: I don't think I have any cellulite

Rhobie: oh fine

Rhobie: be like that

Matthew: how can I use spelnda as an exfoliator?

Matthew: oh oh oh

Matthew: coffee grounds

Rhobie: lol

Rhobie: yes

Matthew: gross

Matthew: that stuff is nasty

Rhobie: (but I might have made that up)

Matthew: probably

Rhobie: I just like to think of all the good things that coffee can do for you

Matthew: because it's all mushy and gross

Rhobie: but it's rough

Rhobie: like exfoilator

Matthew: I can't wait to purchase it from a coffee chain store

Matthew: like I'm a regular

Matthew: getting it from the bagel shop has made my learning so much easier

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: that's true

Matthew: so now when I go to Dunkin Doughnuts, I'll just be like, "large with cream and splenda."

Rhobie: is that light and sweet?

Rhobie: or is that something else

Rhobie: what does light and sweet mean

Matthew: omg - is that an option???

Matthew: I have no idea

Rhobie: it is

Matthew: now I'm stressed

Matthew: ugh

Rhobie: people go to Dunk and order a large coffee light and sweet

Matthew: really????

Matthew: I'm glad you told me

Rhobie: I think you could do that and say "large light and sweet with splenda"

Matthew: we should ask Doug

Matthew: he goes all the time

Matthew: to DD

Rhobie: oh really?

Matthew: doesn't he?

Rhobie: i dont know

Matthew: well great.

Matthew: now I'm screwed

Rhobie: no no

Rhobie: we'll find out

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You're welcome.