Mario and the Case of the Missing Argyle

The last time we were in Destin I saw something I had to have. It was an article of clothing. Before I tell you what it was I need to be honest about a few things: 1) this is going to make me sound like a total nerd; 2) this is going to make me sound like a total sissy-pants. It’s fine. I’m aware.

The article of clothing was a sweater………………….…vest. Yes, a sweater vest. Mock me all you want, but I loved it and I needed it. It was in my most favorite store on the planet which meant it was ENTIRELY too expensive full price (which it was). This was all about a month ago.

A co-worker of mine recently sent me a gift certificate to BB for taking on all her work while she was on maternity leave (so nice of her). I was PUMPED because I knew the sweater vest would be mine. So last Tuesday I decided to call BB and just inquire on the price of the sweater vest (Lord, the fact that I keep typing “sweater vest” is making me more and more sad – but it really is a nice looking sweater vest. I mean, it’s pink, navy and light blue for crying out loud. Clearly a must have.) So I call and speak with Mario.

Mistake number one!

Eureka! It’s on sale, plus an extra 15% off!!! You see, the Lord wanted me to have it. So I ask Mario if he still has it. He says no. I was sad. He said, “but I do have one that’s a brownish-pink with navy and light blue.” I thought, “brownish-pink has the word “mauve” written all over it and I AM NOT WEARING A MAUVE SWEATER VEST thank you very much. Now that would be absurd. So I began to inquire further about the mauve sweater vest. Well, turns out Mario is color blind because it was the one I originally saw a month ago.

Brownish-pink? Come on Mario.

So I tell Mario that I want it and please ship it over to me. I’ve worked in retail for a period of time during my college years and I know how this whole “charge send” thing works. It’s a series of simple steps:

1) You identify you have the merch.
2) The other sales associate confirms with the customer – making sure they still want it.
3) If yes, you ring up the merch in your store
4) The other sales associate puts the customer on the phone and you give them tender
5) After the sale is complete, you box up the merch and get it ready for UPS or FedEx.

It’s really quite simple. Well, apparently not to Mario. He took my info and hung up with me. Moments later, he called back saying there was something wrong with the gift card. I read him the number again. He hung up. He called back saying I owed $2.00 more. I gave him my debit card. He hung up.

MARIO. JUST KEEP ME ON THE PHONE.

Finally, he called back. All was well. The sweater vest was shipping out Wednesday. I would have it Thursday. I thought this is great. I’ll debut my new sweater vest for Easter!!! (that was just for comedic effect. I really wasn’t excited about wearing my sweater vest for Easter……….I don’t think.)

Thursday came. No vest. Friday came. No vest. I called BB again and explained the problem. I was told that the store manager wouldn’t approve for shipping because I wasn’t charged for shipping. OY! Mario didn’t tell me any of this. In addition to his deficiency in using a cash register, he clearly has problems with a phone too. So, I’m sorta angry because I had already set myself up that I was wearing it on Easter and now I was back to square one.

So, I’m totally irritated and the manager on duty tells me that he will schedule me a Saturday FedEx delivery. LOL. I say to him, “it won’t happen.” He says, “sure it will – the option is right here.” I say, “Sure it’ll happen if you want to spend $300 for a delivery that never happens on Saturday in Port St. Nowhere.” So now the manager is perplexed and doesn’t really know what to do.

In all my years at shopping at BB, this has never happened. They’re one of the only stores that still “get” customer service. They go above and beyond every single time. Everyone but Mario. I know it’s a one-off incident, but it all could have been avoided with a simple phone call back to me. By this point, I was thinking of plan B. I have a friend who lives in PC Beach, but works in Destin. She could pick it up and bring it to PC Beach and I could pick it up from her house. I thought that made sense.

BB calls me back and they have a sales associate (Ben) who is traveling to Jacksonville who will deliver it to me.

At this point, I can’t stop laughing because this is all over a SWEATER VEST!!!!!! The one I “had to have,” remember? I really can’t stop laughing. What store sends someone to hand deliver your shipment? I thought, “well, ok. If you insist.” So I met Ben just north of Wewa at a cute little Episcopal Church (shout out to St. James). I felt like it was a drug deal going down in front of a church.

Now, to top everything off – not only did these people think that I was probably the most high-maintenance, difficult, bratty guy they’d ever met, but I come driving up to meet him in Sarah’s convertible VW beetle (YELLOW) with her hot pink rhinestone flower in the bud vase and her head scarf tied around the bar on the passenger side. Oh, not to mention the flower light covers.
Ben just sorta looked at me. I had nothing to say to him except, “thank you, I really, really appreciate this.” His reply was, “uh huh.”

All for this must-have sweater vest.

This is the story of my life.

I can’t win.

A sweater vest.

Sigh.