Busy Beaver.....er, whatever.

Let's talk about my day yesterday and then you can leave all the comments you want about what a wonderful and caring husband I am.

Obviously I went to work so I could totally stress out over "President" Obama's Broadband Stimulus Grant. Literally worked on that all day long. I went to lunch with a friend/co-worker (if we're speaking in terms of church work) and went back to work to stress out more.

Enlightening isn't it?

I picked up Inspector 59 about ten minutes after five. I try so hard to be at the day care right at five, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. Oh, and if you're wondering who "Inspector 59" is, well....that's my daughter who can find the smallest, most minuscule piece of anything on the floor. It's gotten so bad, we have actually started vacuuming everyday, which is a crime unto its self. So anyway, we made it home and had to immediately take Lilly (or as Celie calls her: "lah-lah") outside to go potty.

As a side note - I think Celie (I59) is disturbed/intrigued/frightened/curious by watching Lilly go poop outside. She stares at her and becomes almost statue-like when it happens. I really hope she isn't trying to take cues from her. How gross would that be?

So, we finish up with all the business outside and Celie needs to go swing on MeMe's swing, which is next door. Off we go.....the long route no less. 119 degrees no less. Me, fully dressed in work attire no less. Lilly hassling like we've trudged through the Sahara for four days no less.

For my parent's house to only be 20 yards from us, it took about 10 minutes to get there. The Inspector, of course, had to pick up every pebble en route. Meanwhile, I'm about to give myself whiplash because I am looking left-to-right and back again for any sign of a snake that might dart out and attack us.

Now, I know what you're thinking.....why didn't we just take the short route? Oh, was that not what you were thinking? Were you really asking about the snake thing? Well, the answer is yes. I am 100% completely terrified of snakes. Do I think there are giant 16 foot anacondas lurking in the man-made, storm-water, drainage ditches that line our street? Yes.

We finally make it to the swing and we swang/swung/swinged...whatever....for about, oh I don't know, 37 seconds. Fun over! All three of us are completely saturated in sweat. Celie had to go knock on MeMe's door and when MeMe opened it, Celie darted in. Meanwhile, I have a dog on leash that is about to go ape over the fact that there are two other small dogs running around off-leash who really want to play with her. Add to all this excitement my mother's spastic colon and what do you have? That's right, total mental meltdown - for me.

Sarah gets home while we're still at MeMe's and after Celie gives MeMe about 16 sets of "fish kisses" we leave. Sarah met us outside and all was right with the world. We came in and stripped Celie down to diaper only so she could cool off and I started making a fabulous fresh marinara sauce for dinner.

So, dinner is almost done and Celie is winding down. By winding down, I mean, running around like a sprayed roach. Sarah finally puts her down, and we eat a lovely dinner. After that, I started cleaning up and Sarah started the dishes. THEN, because I'm such a great husband, I went and washed and cleaned out her car for her Girl's Day Out (which I have just learned via text message has cost me quite a bit of money). I even went so far to "bug and tar" the car, condition the leather with a cleaner that has the lovely aroma of oranges and even fill it full of gas.

Bring on your comments....

After all that, I even went so far as to clean all, well, a third, of her good jewelry because it was all disgusting - especially all the stuff that is worn everyday. Then she asked if I would swap our her purse (because that's important for a shopping trip) and I did that too.

That was my day in a nutshell. Now, I'm back at work, watching it rain off and on, flipping out over the stimulus grant, wishing I had not worn contacts today, and overusing my hand sanitizer.

The End.