Trying To Stop

*Back story*
When I was young, I really liked babies/toddlers and they really liked me. So much so, that I wanted to become a pediatrician (this decision was quickly changed once I took my first college-level science course and wanted to blow my brains out from boredom and knew that there would be NO POSSIBLE WAY I could endure twelve years of listening to the monotone babbling of old science professors - Alyson, remember Dr. Halpern????). Anyway, as I got older, I started liking babies less and less, mostly because of the parents I'm sure. For example, it makes me crazy when adults are talking and a child interrupts them and the parent turns their attention completely to the interrupting child and answers their VERY VERY important question.


So by the time Sarah and I got married, children were no where in the picture. I was convinced that I didn't even want or need them. My mother was also convinced that we would never have children and she kept telling us stories of how we were going to be so lonely when we were older because she and my dad would be dead as well as Sarah's parents and we would have no family left and we'd grow old and lonely together. Such the encourager. So, she basically wrote off children for us. Boy was she surprised when we were pregnant (as were we).

*Back story over*

Celie came into our lives Feb 23, 2008. Wow. What a life-changer she has been! I love her so much. She is so funny and is clearly the world's most adorable and gorgeous child. Not to mention that she is so super sweet. So why the title of this blog? Well, I'll tell you.


I've never been driven to jealousy by what people have. I don't care what kind of car they drive, or clothes they wear. I only care about the clothes I wear - LOL. I've always been a little jealous of people's abilities, like if someone can sing really well, I try to pretend they can't or make some comment that makes it seem that they aren't that great. For example, "yeah, she's an ok singer, but I mean, her pitch was a little questionable." Stuff like that. I only make those kinds of comments when people do the same things as I, like singing, playing the piano, etc. Now, take someone who is a great painter like Sarah's sister or a great photographer like our friend Amanda, and I'm completely in awe of that ability.

But, something bad has happened to me in the "baby" department. I've become completely over the top. I turn everything into a competition. There's a lady at work here who is a new grandmother. Her grandson is a couple weeks older than Celie. She will say things like, "Baby Bob is doing so well, he's such a good, good baby." Well, instead of being happy with her, I totally turn her comment into a personal attack and try to one-up her. Here's an example of how a typical conversation with her goes (and we talk several times a day mind you).

Lady from work: "So baby Bob is doing so well. We kept him last night and he just went to sleep and didn't make a peep or anything."
Me: "Oh that's good."
Lady: "I mean, he is just the best baby. I don't know that I've ever heard him cry."
Me: "Well, for your information, Celie has been sitting up on her own for over a month now. She's also able to pull up and even put her toes in her mouth....mostly because she's so tall for her age - in the 99th percentile to be exact. She loves her bath and doesn't meet a stranger. She's the sweetest baby that I've ever known, if we're being honest here. The Dr. tells us that she can tell Celie doesn't watch TV because she's so aware and alert and bright-eyed. Does Bob watch TV?"
Lady: (with hesitation) "wow, ummmmm, that's great Matthew. Ok, well I better get back to work."
Me: (smirking)

I mean, what's wrong with me????? She isn't picking a fight with me, but some monster comes out of me and I immediately go into competition mode. Aye-aye-aye. I've got to get a grip.

I'm trying to stop.....I promise.