Seasons of Friendship

Season – a time characterized by a particular circumstance or feature. A suitable or natural time or occasion.

These are the first two definitions of “season” from Merriam-Webster. I’m not 100% used to seasons in my life. It’s probably because they’re pretty uncommon, especially if we’re talking about nature. I mean, we go from 98 degrees to 40 in a blink of an eye. Things don’t really change color down here either. Everything is green from about February to November. Then there’s the small period when everything is sorta brown.

Bizarre, I know, but it’s Florida.

Recently, I have been thinking about seasons in a different way. In the “relationships” way. I was thinking about my closest circle of friends and how they’ve changed since around high school. I had a very defined circle of friends in high school and I can remember moving away to college and wondering if they would stay constant. Well, they didn’t. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but we all (or most of us) grew apart as we developed and cultivated new friendships. There is a small, and I mean very small, number of high school friends with whom I still communicate. Most of the conversation is surface and very high level and it doesn’t happen frequently at all. I will get the occasional message on facebook or a random email letting me know of a significant life event and that’s about it. It’s funny really, I don’t even “know” most of my high school friends’ spouses.

And that’s ok.

Then I started to think about college and how those friendships became some of the most important in my life. Once again, I had a very defined group of friends in college. Maybe I should say I had groups of friends that didn’t necessarily intermingle. So many wonderful memories were made with these college friends, but once again, most of these relationships have now dissolved.

Notice I said “most.” Not “all.”

Granted, I did marry my best friend from college!! She and I have maintained contact with a combined total of about six of our former college friends. Most of them were at our wedding. Strangely enough, included in those six are college relationships that were recultivated after college.

During college, I also made relationships with people who weren’t necessarily in college at the time. These were people from my work, church or apartment complex. And NOW we’re talking about serious relationships. These are the people I talk to on a very regular basis – still today. These are the people with whom I’ve experienced most major life events: births of children, marriages, moves, etc. These are the people, along with a handful of “college” friends, I consider to be my closest and best friends. They’re unchanging, steadfast and loving. We’re like family. I can go two weeks without speaking to them and then talk to them the next day and I’ve immediately brought them up to speed and it’s like we haven’t missed a beat.

I used to think these relationships would pass just like all the others, but thankfully, that’s not the case. They’re still around, and though our lives are so different than what they were five, eight or even ten years ago, they are my closest friends today.

So, what makes a friendship stick? Why have these relationships lasted the test of time unlike so many others? Is it because you share so many similarities with them? Is it a spiritual connection? I don’t really understand it. This group has stayed pretty consistent throughout my life and I always wondered if anyone else would “enter” this group. And while no one really ever did, I’m happy to say that there have been those who have come into our lives that I just couldn’t imagine my life without.

It’s hard to think about losing friends. I certainly don’t like to think about it at all, but it’s all part of the seasons of our lives. Just because I’m no longer as close to some of the friends I had in college doesn’t mean that their relationship wasn’t important during that season in my life.

You know what I mean?

I’m so, so, so thankful to have the friends I have. The ones who live all over the country. The ones I’ve stayed connected to through thick and thin. The one’s with which I’ve experienced defining moments in my spiritual life. I’ve seen them in the hospital with their newborn. I’ve prayed constantly for the adoption of their new son. I know when they’re sad. I know when they’re happy. I know what matters to them and what doesn’t. I know which holidays make them sad. I can hear their voice in my head answering questions I ask to other people. I can say just about anything to them, even if I know it’s going to hurt. We laugh so hard at the most ridiculous things.

Nothing can ever take the place of a spouse or family and the relationships you have with each – Lord knows I love my wife, daughter and family more than life. But friends are special and there’s a very specific part of your heart they fill.

Be thankful for your friends today.

I know I am.

This Ain't Yo Mama's Lullaby

Growing up in my house was pretty darn normal for a southern family. We went to church every Sunday morning, Sunday evening and Wednesday evening. And if we were in revival, we went on Saturdays and Mondays too. We had big Thanksgiving dinners, huge Christmas gatherings and never missed receiving a birthday party. I had all I ever wanted as a kid - especially food, since I grew up a restaurant kid. Something else I had a lot of was music. I had lots of "tapes" (and eventually CDs) and so did my parents.

Herein lies the problem.

My parents preference of music was, well......a little....ok, a lot to be desired by my standards today. Of course, back then, I thought it was awesome!! That's right folks....they loved them some southern gospel!!! Everything from Jimmy Swaggart, Naomi and the Segoes, The MacKamey's, Gold City Quartet and Bill Gaither, with the cash cow every marketer from each corner of the globe wanted to get a piece of, The Homecomings. This is what I listened to
growing up. I knew, and probably still know, most of the "great" southern gospel anthems of our time.

Now, don't count out the fact that we also purchased many a soundtrack - does "Cocktail," "Dirty Dancing," (gasp) and "Grease" ring a bell?

I thought so.

I also enjoyed anything by "The Chipmunks" and "Muppets."

To me, this was normal. All southern gospel, all the time. It's what I knew. It's what I thought was all that existed (save the Devil's music like Milli Vanilli and Run DMC.) So, you can imagine my shock and partial dismay when I discovered my parents - yes, both of them - knew the lyrics to a little ditty from this album:



(Somewhere an old Assembly of God lady just lost her salvation and got it back again.)

That's right folks. My parents are familiar with "The Pussycat Dolls." Not only are they familiar with these charming young "ladies," but they have decided to TEACH MY NINETEEN MONTH OLD THE LYRICS TO THE SONG - "HOT LIKE ME" or "Don't Cha" or whatever it is.

I'll give you a minute to digest what you've just read.......

Can you imagine what the look on my face must have been when I entered my parent's house on a Monday afternoon to hear this:

Meme and Papa (in unison): "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like....."

Celie (solo): "Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

Meme and Papa (in unison): "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like...."

Celie (solo): "Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

Meme and Papa (in unison): "Don't ya?"

Wow.

It could have been: "Jesus Loves Me," "This Little Light of Mine," "Jesus Loves the Little Children," anything. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO we had to venture into the land of The Pussycat Dolls. I could refer to them as PCD, but it sounds SO much dirtier when I spell it out in its entirety. I'm not really sure when this familiarity started with The Pussycat Dolls and I'm not so sure I like it.

I'll tell you who else doesn't like it, and that's Bill Gaither.

I'm actually quite surprised in the sudden (well, who even knows if this is sudden. They could be closet Lady Ga Ga lovers too) change in my parents' musical tastes. Granted I know my mother was a HUGE Beatles fan (and probably anything else that went along with being a Beatles fan.) However, my mom is the same lady who gets mad at me if I say the word, "crap" in front of her. This is the same lady who tells me I'm going to choke and die and burn in a devil's hell if I don't say the blessing before every meal, snack, taste or lick. These are the same people who if they
find someones actions disapproving (let's say.....like loving the Pussycat Dolls) and they say it out loud, immediately ask the Lord's forgiveness. For example:

Mother: "Well, you know I think he robbed that bank because he drinks so much."
Father: "Uh huh."
Mother (panicked): "Oh dear Lord forgive me for saying that!!!!"

You know, because the Lord sits in heaven with a big fat eraser and removes and adds your name to Heaven's Guest List when you "sin" and then repent really quick.

In case you can't tell, I became a Baptist in 1997.

And these are the people who have taught my child.....my sweet, innocent, loving, charming, hilarious, musically gifted child the lyrics to....

Hot.
Like.
Me.

It is with that statement I bid you farewell.

Pray for me.

Please?