Hey everybody! Allow me to introduce myself – my name is Matthew and I am annoying for not posting since my Chinese music post (sorry, but that post makes me laugh every time I think about it.) The main reason for non-posting is because there’s really not been much post-worthy going on, so I thought that I would simply recap our weekend and possibly include a list of things that currently have me a little confused.

Let’s start with Friday. Same ol same. I went to work; Sarah went to Panama City to spend all my money (that’s right “all my money” because I have so much just lying around.) We planned a double-date night with two of our great friends that ended up like everything else we do with these people – we cook – we eat – we laugh really hard – and we do this while sitting at the dining room table. We planned to go to dinner and see a movie, but that was trumped by husband because he’d worked outside all day in the sweltering heat and didn’t feel like driving. I totally get that.

Well, I don’t “totally” get that – the part about working outside all day. Lord knows I would do it in order to put food on the table, but never ever as a self-directed “new career choice” for myself.

So, we ended up at our house with grilled pork loin, roasted potatoes and a salad. Delicious! Celie was originally supposed to spend the night with Meme and Papa (Sarah has now been “set free” from the demons of “Celie has to sleep under the same roof as me.”) Since we weren’t going out for the night, I thought, “Well, I suppose Celie doesn’t have to spend the night at my parents anymore.” So I thought I would call my mom and let her know.

Mistake number one.

Here’s how that conversation went down -

MeMe: “helloooooo?”

Matthew: “Hey, I was just calling to let you know that we’re staying in tonight so Celie doesn’t have to come over.”

MeMe: “Oh.”

Matthew: “Ummmm, is that ok?”

MeMe - : “Well, she’s not my child so there’s nothing I can do about it I guess.”

Matthew: “I mean, do you still want her to come over??”

MeMe: “Well, I was under the impression that I could keep her tonight.”

(do you see how my mother plays the victim card?)

Matthew: “Well, I don’t care if she comes over. Let me ask Sarah if she cares…..”

Sarah interrupting: “She can go!”

MeMe: “Good, because I fixed her some fried chicken, black-eyed peas and mashed potatoes.”

Matthew: “OK, then. See you in a few.”

Here’s the thing, I never ever want my parents to think we’re abusing their “next-door-neighborness” to watch Celie for us. I’ve told her before that she can always say no. She hasn’t yet, though.

So our friends came over and, as usual, we had a great time except for the fact that Husband enjoyed pointing out all the fixes I should do to the house. I mean, hello? Have we met? He was feeding right into Sarah’s plan. I almost think they had a conversation beforehand about everything he should mention: crown molding, tile backsplash, shoe moldings, blah blah blah.

The night ended at a normal hour (for once with these two….we typically end up talking for hours) and Sarah and I read ourselves to sleep.

Saturday – rain, rain, rain – I helped my mom at two of the houses my dad manages – rain, rain, rain – McDonald’s.

Sunday – rehearsal, church, lunch, nap, church, dinner, sleep. Let me just say how great our church worship services have been in the past two months. WOW! That Worship Leader should get a RAISE!!!! LOL. LOL. LOL. One of my praise team members (who clearly decided to stay out of God’s will and move away for college) came home and brought her guitar-playing boyfriend. I emailed him the music and he played in our band. Having two acoustic guitars – but two very different sounds – made a huge difference. It was awesome!

Have I mentioned that all the rain we’ve had has made my lawn resemble that of a rain forest? I suppose I could cut it today? Ugh. That’s such a weekend chore. Plus, I’m starting back at the gym tonight from my six-week hiatus. I really want to get 30 more pounds off. Ok, thirty might be pushing it, but at least 15 more.

This post has become much more lengthy than the original intention. It’s because of the MeMe conversation. Nonetheless, here is my list of things that have me currently confused. And by confused, I mean – irritated/confused/angry/confused

1. Made-up baby names in hopes of them sounding “super-trendy and oh-so-creative.” I won’t use real life examples, but I’m talking about names that people just make up. Sorta like: “Lorenasue” or adding “ly” at the end of normal names to make them just a little more special like: “Kendally,” “Morganly,”

2. The fact that our septic tank mound is half way removed, but the drain field was “hit” and now there are about 1 million styrofoam peanuts all over my yard.

3. The Verizon / Alltel merger. You call customer service one time and get one answer, call two minutes later and get a different answer to the same question.

4. Paula Abdul’s contract on American Idol. I don’t care if she’s there or not. Actually, I don’t care if any of them are there or not. The fact that Ryan Seacrest makes $15 million per year makes me want to puke.

5. The Universal Health Care Plan. President Obama is doing such a great job, huh?

6. Where to store all the baby things in our house that we no longer use: swing, exersaucer, bassinette, etc.

7. The world’s obsession with vampires and all the media that goes with it.

8. Mischa Barton, Victoria Beckham and Michael Jackson’s mother – who cares, who cares, who cares?

That’s all I got!

The Sweet Smell of Chinese Food

Since we started Weight Watchers back in mid-March, we haven't made any trips to the local Chinese restaurant, Great Wall. You know, I have a love/hate relationship with this place. I'll itemize those reasons now.

I LOVE Great Wall because:

1. The food is good. It's not great, but there are about four dishes that I am in love with.
2. The wait staff always remembers what I want to drink and brings it over as we're sitting down.
3. It's super fast and easy.
4. They serve the cream cheese and "crab" stuffed fried wantons aka "Crab Rangoon."

I HATE Great Wall because:

1. It gives me diarrhea every single time I eat there.
2. When you leave, you smell like a cross between a garlic bulb and a dirty gym sock.
3. I think it's a little pricey for what you get.
4. It's so not good for you.
5. MSG
6. It's so not good for you.

So like I said, we haven't made any trips there until this week. We ventured back. I know, it's not on the diet. We've been a little more free with our food choices recently. Ok, by free I mean, I've eaten like crap for two weeks. Thankfully, I haven't gained any weight from my new found freedom, but I know that if I continue, I will start to gain. Monday starts the ultra-strict point counting system from WW again.

So while we were eating Spicy Chicken and Beef and Broccoli on Tuesday, I heard something that made me laugh. The sound was nothing new to the restaurant, but for some reason, it really cracked me up and I can't stop thinking about it - and dying laughing all at the same time.

Ever heard of Muzak? It's a service that businesses can subscribe to and they provide you with background music for your business. I remember back in my days at the Gap, "Groove is in the Heart" was always on our Muzak track. So, as I sat enjoying my food, I couldn't help but hear a familiar tune being played in the restaurant. It was the theme song to Titanic, "My Heart Will Go On." Except, it was being covered by a wicked Chinese guitar player. And by Chinese guitar, I mean and actual pipa.

I couldn't understand where or how I knew this song since it sounded like an ancient Chinese song of worship and then I was like, "wait, this is "My Heart Will Go On" originally performed by Celie Dion." Well, to my surprise, the next song was none other than Journey's "Don't Stop Believing."

Um.

What the.....

I'm so confused....

So at this point, I can no longer stop thinking about the Chinese artist who covers moderately new and moderately old ballads for the pipa. It's like I can see them sitting there and saying, "oh, I know, let's do "Don't Stop Believing"...and a one, and a two and a three......"

Well, the show came to a screeching halt (and a piece of sweet and sour chicken came flying out of my mouth) when I heard Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time." It was just too much to handle. So here's how it plays out in my mind......all I can do is now stare at the enormous, back-lit wall mounted poster of two Chinese people (in full traditional Chinese dress with these enormous straw hats) standing in what looks like a Chinese gondola, in the middle of a large body of water and there's an enormous black duck perched on the boat's ore. And I think to myself, "so these two people are out fishing in China and then they go back to rock out the pipa and lay down some Cher tracks for Chinese-American restaurants.

Lord help me......

I can't stop laughing.