Seven-minute Icing

Is This Thing On?

2011-05-13T19:35:00.002-04:00

Hi.

It's been a while.

A really long while.

Let's skip all the apologizing and just move on....

I have a lot to say. And I'm hoping this is the kick I need to get back into the blogging game. Let's hope so, for both followers' sake.

May is a busy and big month at our house. Mother's Day, Sarah's birthday and our wedding anniversary. All in the same month. All exactly seven days from one another. Couple all this with Libby's dedication and you have one jam-packed month-o-fun.

I'm so tired.

I'm not going to recap Mother's Day (while it was lovely in all ways, having my mom and dad with us in church was extra special) in this post. I'm going to talk about the woman this month really revolves around.

Her name is Cindy.

Cindy Cunningham.

LOL, I'm kidding, of course. It's Sarah.

One of her birthday wishes was for me to start blogging again. PIECE OF CAKE! (Blogging and an iPhone, of course.)

(and massage.)

(and steak.)

Anywhew, Sarah Anne White is my best friend in all the world. We will be married seven years this month. (Pardon me for a moment, my arms are itching.) I can't believe it's been seven years. We're grown-ups.

We pay a mortgage, taxes, insurance. It's crazy. AND, we have two beautiful girls. In all honesty, I can't quite imagine my life without her. I'm crazy about her. I love every part of her. Even her smelly feet. Even that. I love it.

She amazes me everyday. She teaches our daughters SO MUCH everyday. Celie literally learns something every single day because of Sarah. She teaches them and keeps the house absolutely magazine-photo ready. Someone said recently, "I've never been in your house that it hasn't been perfectly spotless." And that's the truth. I don't know how she does it. Believe me, I've tried and get no where. She is amazing.

Her motherly instincts are insanely accurately. It's almost like she's a mutant. She knows exactly what's going on with each girl, how they're going to react, and what will fix it. Amazing.

She's an amazing mom. If I were cheesy enough, I'd enter her into some contest. But we'd never win.

Because we never win anything.

Ever.

I'd rather be with her than anyone else. That's a really good thing too because we don't really have a lot of friends. And the ones we have live really far away and go on with their own lives. (It's hard to keep LD friendships alive and well.)

She's the love of my life and there's absolutely no one else on this earth with whom I'd rather be. She's everything to me. I love her so much.

A wonderful mom.

A wonderful wife.

Wonderful manners and etiquette.

Grace, charm and class.

Enormous heart.

Amazing warmth.

That's about it.

I love you Sarah.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmwah!

Ugh - Where Have I Been

2010-09-28T11:18:00.002-04:00

It's been almost two months since I've posted a blog. You would think that meant nothing really exciting has happened in my life.

WRONG.

Here's a little snapshot:

Sarah gave birth to our sweet new baby girl

Took her back to the ER because she stopped breathing

Found out it was just reflux - whew.

Sarah lost her job

My job is crazy

Sarah is adapting to being a stay at home mom

We've had lots of company because of new baby

I feel like there's a lot more, but I can't remember it.

What I do know, is that I have to really start thinking about this blog and if I'm going to keep it up. There's almost no way I can do a daily post. There's just so much going on.

I'm not going to poll you again and ask what you think, mostly because I'm almost certain no one reads this anymore.

Oh well.....

I'll think about it and let you know.

Matthew's Product Review

2010-07-29T13:54:00.003-04:00

I've been meaning to put this post up for some time.

But time won.

The south side (right side if you're looking at it) of our house gets very warm. The sun just beats down on it all day and there are no trees (yet) to make any natural shade. We thought

about getting some curtains made with blackout fabric, but who wants long curtains, or drapes, in a bedroom?

(except young women in their 30's who decorate like their mothers in their late 50's - but that's another post.)

So that option was out. So we looked online at blackout shades. We were intrigued by the 3/8" Double Cell Blackout Shades from Selectblinds.com. So we ordered the free samples to get a look and feel of them. We procrastinated for a while because they're not cheap and we were too busy with other improvements. We finally broke down and ordered them. Here's a picture of them.

Not too bad, right? So, let me give you the good, bad and ugly about these pricey little gems.

Pros:

Wow. They really work. I mean, the room is at least ten degrees cooler than it used to be. It's amazing.
The installation was so, so, simple to complete. I think I did the second one in about ten minutes. (I was super "cautious" with the first one so it took a little longer. Not to mention I just don't have a ton of necessary tools at my disposal.)
They're very lightweight.
They're very good quality.

Cons:

You have a few choices for mounting: inside, outside and something else. We ordered the inside mount, obviously, but if you order inside mount the blackout isn't 100% blackout. And no one told me this up front. You see, my window measured 34 and 1/4" wide, well, because I got inside mount, they adjusted the measurement to 33 and 3/4" wide. No one really knows why, but there's a gap on each side of the window. The rep told me (after I called them post-installation) they take off standard measurements for inside mount. I wish they would have told me that when I ordered them.
They look like mini-blinds. And that's never good.
They're made of paper. Which makes me nervous.
It's either up or down with these things. No light filtering. Either you have them down like mini-blinds or they're up letting all the heat pour in.
They're pricey, about $100 per window, for a standard window, plus shipping. One of the windows in the other room is huge, so who knows how much that will be?

When it comes down to it, would I recommend them to you to purchase? Absolutely!! Especially if you live in the heat, although I hear it keeps you warmer in the winter too. They've done wonders for Celie's room. We plan on getting two more for the nursery and then one gigantic one for the dining area.

I hope you enjoyed this review. The next Product Review will feature the Febreze Home Collection!

Shout Out to Twila!

2010-07-16T14:54:00.002-04:00

I am obsessive.

Really, really obsessive.

But only about certain things.

Music is one of them. When I find or hear a new song that I love, I play it to death. To. Death. To the point of me hating it. Like, I will burn a rut in a CD. It's crazy. I am bestest friends with the repeat button and an iPod playlist.

(does anyone else obsess like this???)

Well, I'm currently hooked on a song. I'd like to take you back to 1985. I was six years old. The average cost of a new home was $89,000. The average price of a new car was $9,500. Gas was $1.09 per gallon. A stamp was $0.22. John Gotti had Paul Castellano killed and a lady named Twila Paris wrote the song "He Is Exalted."

I don't know how or why, but I am feelin' this song. I love it. I have always loved it. I love everything about it: the words, the chord progression, the harmonies. All of it. And we're singing it this Sunday.

I don't know why I'm so addicted. I think because it's basically all about exalting our God and just telling Him how wonderful He is. I mean, can you really ever tire of that?

"He is exalted, the King is exalted on high.

I will praise Him.

He is exalted, forever exalted, and I will praise His name.

He is the Lord, forever His truth will reign.

Heaven and Earth, rejoice in His holy name.

He is exalted, the King is exalted on high."

It's such a simple song. But I love it.

Love.

It.

I pray the Lord uses it this week in our Worship Service.

Now, I need someone to really update it. Just make it crazy relevant (instrumentally and vocally.) I mean, we can always improve, right?

Is Travis Cottrell, Travis Ducette, Paul Baloche, Brooke Fraser or Charles Billingsley reading this?

Oh, no?

Ok then.

Never Say Never

2010-07-13T10:29:00.002-04:00

You know....there are a few phrases I've always been pretty sure I'd never say in my lifetime. For example,

"Sarah, can we go to ANOTHER Dave Matthews concert?? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease???"

"I really think you should just try a spiral perm."

and

"When are we going to incorporate snakes during our Worship Services??"

If I did happen to use them, you would know something is very wrong. Very, very wrong. However, a phrase came out of my mouth last night that normally I would have categorized with those listed above. This phrase not only brought complete and total confusion, but also a medium-sized panic attack........and a bit of "dry mouth."

Sarah asked me to take a little bleach and water mixture and clean the rubber seal of our washing machine. It's a front loader and that seal completely surrounds the opening. It stays wet and if not treated properly and routinely can develop minor amounts of mildew. Well, ours had about two or three little, tiny mildew specks. So, I took a toothbrush and my mug of cleaning solution and off I go. It literally took less than 30 seconds and it was all gone.

Well, we had both noticed an odor from the washer. And I thought after this cleaning, it would be gone. Well it wasn't and I began to become concerned. Did we have a leak somewhere? Was something blocking water flow? Who knew?

I'm certainly no appliance repairman. A mechanic? Sure. Can I change the springs and seats in a faucet? Without a problem (shout out to MommaMize.) Can I hang window treatments? Absolutely!

Ahem....

But appliances are where I have to draw the line. So I begin to do a little more research within the body of our washer. Now, keep in mind, this washer was really expensive so I'm reluctant to do anything outside of cleaning the seal and the cartridge where you put all the washing solutions. We've already had to replace the motor board because of power surges to the tune of $300, so I didn't really want to mess anything up.

And then it happened.

The phrase I never thought I'd say.

In a million years.

"Sarah. Can you come in here? I think there's a snake in the washing machine."

I was completely stricken with fear. Mostly because I have a VERY LONG and VERY TUMULTUOUS history with snakes. The moment I said it, Sarah immediately put her shirt (like a face mask) over her mouth. Sorta like she was about to puke at the mere mention of the word. She then says, "What are you DOING??? Call you dad and tell him to get over here NOW!!!! CALL HIM!!!" She started speaking at elevated tones as if I was threatening to throw it on her.

I assure you, I would not EVER touch a snake (especially in a Worship Service.)

My mother, a different story - but not the Worship Service part.

Sarah says, "I'll bring you a knife!!!"

(yes, because that's what I want. I bleeding snake that's trapped in my washer.)

I said, "no, no, no, just bring me a bamboo skewer (what the....) or some tongs!!!" At this point I'm borderline yelling too. And I kept ordering Sarah to stay in the laundry room with me. Not sure what preggy was going to do. EXCEPT, she totally tried to close the door to trap me in there.

I'M SO SURE.

So, I have all my tools ready to make the move. I kept thinking, "how am I going to do this???" What if I can't grab it? What if it slithers away? (Sarah would never do laundry again, by the way.) I knew I had to act quickly.

It was go time!!!

I reached in, grabbed it with the tongs, took a very, very deep breath (you know, because you can't breathe when you're doing stuff like this) and pulled it out.

I started running toward the sink. Why you ask? I have no idea. Especially when the door to the back porch was next to the washer. Sarah of course breaks and runs (read: waddles with purpose) into the living room yelling that she's going to go into labor.

I drop the snake into the sink.

Only to find that it wasn't a snake.

It was an infant sock. It had fallen in between the seal and the barrel and had been soaking in water (and never dried) for TWO AND A HALF YEARS. The stink was unbelievable. Repulsive. Thankfully, it was never near our clothes being washed. It was a white sock that had turned brown and green.

And it totally looked like a little snake curled up in the washer.

No lie.

Let's See....Oh Right, Today Was Awesome.

2010-07-10T20:40:00.005-04:00

Beyonce and lovely ladies of Destiny's Child said it best when they said, "I don't think you're ready for this jelly." Well, we're not talking jelly here, folks. We're talking about a day that could go down as the most chaotic of all time.

Truly.

Let me take you back to Friday afternoon.....(insert harp strums)

It's Friday afternoon. I've had approximately 15 conference calls and an iced latte with three shots of espresso.

(that's enough for a straight-up disaster right there)

I was on fire at work. I was zinging people in emails. I was multitasking at every moment. I was making decision after decision. I wasn't taking anything from anybody. I think I wrote and sent at least 439 emails in a four-hour window.

I'll call it, my caffeine-induced tirade.

Anyway, after I came off my high (read: crashed) I spoke with one of our great friends who live in PC Beach. She's a wildly talented makeup artist/mom and he's a former model turned entrepreneur. (They'll love those descriptions. Mostly because they're true, but also because they're being mentioned in my wildly popular blog.)

Wildly popular with Casey, Caryn and Amanda.

Whatever.

Anyway, we haven't seen Pat and Vettie in a while. Mostly because they live an hour and a half from us and she works in Destin and he works in the PC Beach/So Wal area. We used to see them a lot. Before we both had toddlers.

Ah yes......those days.

I adore my daughter, by the way.

So we made plans to meet up on Saturday (today) for a family fun day. We planned to meet at this cool indoor playground at 11:00 est. Well, after those plans were made, I remembered I was supposed to help my grandmother at 10:00. I thought that I could just tell her, "Hey, we're meeting some friends over in PC Beach so I won't be able to help you today."

HA!

Me not helping her was NOT an option. And that's ok. She's my grandmother and I'd do anything for her. So I texted famous friends back to postpone the meeting time by an hour and a half.

Fine.

No problem.

One of Celie's most favorite things is pancakes. Sarah decided to take her to McDonald's to get an order of their pancakes. So they leave to go do that. Keep in mind, it's about a 12 minute drive to McDonald's from my house. I asked Sarah to get me something too since it's been about 2 months since I've had anything for breakfast from McDonald's. Forty minutes later, they get back. You see, our McDonald's is managed/run by people whose brain power matches that of a bottle of goat's milk. Sarah starts pulling everything out of the bag including the pancake box.

Which contained no pancakes.

Considering she's in her final two weeks of pregnancy, this didn't go over well and I immediately jumped in my car to go pick them up. I mean, my little girl wanted pancakes. We paid for pancakes. She's gettin' some pancakes. On the way, I discover that my tire has a leak and I had no quarters to get any air.

(air should be free.)

So we finish breakfast and Sarah decides to come along and bring Celie and use the pool while I help G-ma. (Harmless plan, right?) So we get there at a little after 10:00. Pool is locked with a combination lock and chain. (I mean, come on.) I drive to G-ma's house in her car to get the key to her community pool. Drive back to where I was helping her, give Sarah the key and off she and Celie go. By this time, it's 11:00. I call Sarah at 11:30 and tell her to make her way back to the house because I would be ready to leave shortly.

She gets back to the house with a fully dressed and ready Celie and a bathing suit clad, towel-wrapped and wet Sarah. Sarah goes to change in the outdoor shower area.

LOCKED WITH ANOTHER LOCK.

I say, "just get in and you can change in the car on the way. We'll be in the middle of no where in a minute anyway." She wasn't too keen on the idea, but got in anyway.

I'd like to remind everyone at this point that Sarah is NINE MONTHS PREGNANT, Celie should be eating lunch in thirty minutes and taking a nap by 1:00.

Part of my plan was that Celie would be tuckered out at the pool and would sleep on the way to PC Beach and by the time she woke up, we'd be there.

I love a good plan.

(side note, I love a good plan that works.)

Off we go. I stop three blocks up the road to get a little gas. I get my gas and pull out. Celie complains that her shorts are too tight (a common occurrence these days.) I pull over and take off her shorts.

Celie falls asleep by the time we get onto the Air Force Base. No one is around and Sarah starts to change. (This is really funny by the way.) Cars are approaching. Sarah is so fed up that she doesn't even attempt to cover up so there are about four families from Alabama who got a real treat today.

Celie wakes up coughing and can't get situated again and starts crying. A lot. Complains of something in her car seat. I pull over when we get off base at the first bank I see. I take Celie out of the car seat, make sure her panties are halfway up her hiney (which they were) and re situate her in the seat.

She's still crying. It's all because she should be sleeping at this point.

(who's idea was this anyway??????)

Celie begins to complain of her stomach hurting and needs to "go poo poo in the potty." I make a complete detour to our local Target. I pull up to the side of Target. Sarah gets out and gets half-naked Celie out of the car seat. She puts her in the front seat to put on different shorts. Meanwhile, I don't have the car in park so I can't really move. Not one, not two, but about three gusts of wind come and blow Sarah's dress up each and every time.

It's awesome.

She takes Celie in who refuses to use it because there are too many people. I texted our friends to let them know that we're going to be an extra thirty minutes late because we weren't even close yet.

Celie continues to cry the entire way to the playground, but when we got there, miraculously, everything was ok. The playground was fun and new and very nice. It had about six huge inflatable jumpers and obstacle courses in there and for only $5.00, who wouldn't love it? So Celie jumps and plays with her friend Cooper, Pat and Vettie's son. We decide that it's time to go have lunch and off we drive to the local Red Robin.

Yummmmmmmmmmm (like the commercial.)

It's packed. The kids are cranky. Sarah's cranky. We walk in to behold THE GIANT ROBIN MASCOT. The kids freak but are intrigued. They both got bouncy balls at the playground that are dropping all over the place and bouncing up to heaven and back. Well, we put our names down and wait.

And wait.

We finally got a booth.

A booth that was directly under the largest a/c vent in America. Pat thinks he might come down with pneumonia because of all the direct wind. And I mean WIND. Sarah goes to use the restroom (shock) and almost falls down because the floors are so slippery with no signage.

I then take Celie to the restroom who, in fact, falls three times because of the floors. We finish our meal, say goodbye to our friends and go to take Celie to ride the merry-go-round. I am carrying Celie because we're in a very busy parking lot and step off the curb unexpectedly and totally throw my back out.

After that little ride on the merry-go-round, which was just next door, we head home. Celie falls asleep before we even pull out of the parking lot. She sleeps almost the entire way home until she shifts too hard and wakes herself back in the Air Force Base.

And cries.

And whines.

And cries.

It takes four forevers to get through all the beach traffic, but finally....

BUT FINALLY.

We made it home.

Celie all of a sudden is a joy! Happy, giggly, ready to play. I can barely walk. Sarah can barely walk. (Did I mention that on Friday, Sarah found out she has a bladder infection/UTI?????) We put Celie down for bed and I start to feel sick to my stomach. Like I'm going to puke.

But I don't.

Instead I write this AMAZING blog.

Don't you wish you would have gone with us today?

It was the best idea EVER!!!!

However, we did have a great, GREAT time with our friends and we'd do it all over again tomorrow.

I think.....

Freedom

2010-07-06T16:12:00.002-04:00

We celebrated our nation's independence on Sunday, July 4.

Regardless of how you celebrate, or the motives behind it, the topic of this post isn't about that. I'm eager to know how/if you celebrated in church. How many churches put on huge patriotic programs? Presentation of the colors? Pledge? National Anthem?

And is it right to do that?

I've spoken with a lot of people over the weekend who feel very passionately on both sides of the equations. Some feel that you absolutely should honor America and thank God for our freedom. That we should honor those who have fought for our freedom, recognize those currently serving and give a moment of silence for those who have fallen. Others feel that a worship service should be reserved for honoring Christ and Christ alone and to exalt any other above him, even if it is as thanksgiving, is wrong.

So, what's right and what's wrong? Is the church actually to blame for this? Have we programmed so much that it almost feels spiritual to do it? We make a big deal out of Mother's Day and Father's Day. We create all women ensembles and all men choirs. We preach about being a Godly mother/father. We reference all the great mothers and fathers of the Bible. We honor graduates. We present them with Bibles. We go all out for Memorial Day, 4th of July, Veterans Day using "We need God back in America" as our sermon reference.

But the question is, is it the right thing to do?

Now don't get me wrong. I'm am 100% pro-America. Love, love, love it. I know all the patriotic songs. All the anthems to the branches of the military. I'm so thankful for our freedom. I'm so grateful to those who have served and are currently serving. I have a very, very dear friend who is in the Navy currently. I could never do what he does or what he has done.

Neither could I have ever done what Christ did for us when He purchased our freedom. Galatians 5:1 says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." NIV. The song I posted about in my previous post says, "He is jealous for me." He wants all of us. He wants our worship. And we are created to do so.

I'm curious to hear your comments on how you see it. I did incorporate some Americana in our worship service this past week. Was it right? Was I really honoring God with it? A lady at our church said to me, "Why didn't we sing The Battle Hymn of the Republic today?" And for a minute I had to remember what that song was and then became so thankful to another church lady to gave me a book that is the story behind a lot of the old hymns. I was able to reference it for her. We sing that song like it's a battle cry. Like we're (America) supposed to kick everyone's butt and God will bless it. When in actuality, that song is written about chapters 18 and 19 in Revelation and how we as a people are no where near ready to see God's glory when that day comes. I wonder how that song got lumped into being patriotic when it's actually about Christ's return.

So where do you stand? Have we made our worship services a programmed event for special occasions? Some of us are too young to remember anything differently. When I attended a much, MUCH larger church for seven years, every patriotic holiday there was a big program featuring all the songs and other hoopla. I became conditioned to it. But was it right? Is it right? If we leave it out of worship does that make us ungrateful, inconsiderate or unamerican (I know that isn't a real word)? Does it mean we don't support our troops?

Is the national holiday we set aside for all these events enough or does it need to come into our worship time that is typically set aside for our worship of Christ.

Whatcha think?

John Mark McMillan | How He Loves: A Story

2010-07-01T16:35:00.001-04:00

Hey!

Yes, it's me. I plan on blogging more this weekend, but I first wanted to share this video with you. It's the story behind the song, How He Loves by John Mark McMillan. It's one of my favorite new worship songs out there. Now, his arrangement is not my favorite. And I sorta get irritated by the whole, "I'm a cool Christian artist who never shaves, drinks a lot of coffee, wears retro Ray Ban sunglasses, drives an old dodge van and drives to a run down warehouse to practice my music" but the message in this song is so good and the lyrics are even better.

"He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy."

GET OUT OF MY FACE with that lyric.

crazy.

There are a lot of different arrangements out there. I know David Crowder Band has a popular arrangement. I think I like the female vocals the best - I haven't decided yet.

But, here it is and I hope you enjoy.

Blog with you soon. I promise.

In the Words of Marvin Gaye

2010-05-05T11:58:00.002-04:00

What’s goin’ on?

Wow, it’s been a long time. A very long time. I’m so sorry for not posting. Well, I’m not totally sorry. I mean, I needed a break. Life has been insane, and by life, I mean work. And by work, I mean both jobs. And by both jobs, I mean “real” work and church. And by “real,” I mean the one that pays the bills.

Anyway.

Here I am to tickle your ears with some hard-hitting journalism. And by journalism, I mean……………….oh never mind.

I’m not going to recap what’s happened to me since I took my break because I don’t have 65 hours to sit and type, but what I am going to provide is a list.

That’s right. A list. It’s a comprehensive list of thoughts, questions, comments, and ideas. They are in no order of importance (side note, I just totally mistyped that word as impotence – LOL.) Can you tell I’m delirious?

List!

1) If I were Casey James today, I would be very, very sad. I would be so sad in fact, that I would consider cutting my wanna-be mullet (pronounced mu-lay because it’s fancy) off. Well, he doesn’t really have a mullet, but I feel like he wants one in real life, but there’s someone backstage (or a contract) that won’t let him do it. He did so poorly last night that I actually got embarrassed for him. I wanted to bless my own heart. I even got a little diarrhea cramp listening to him.

2)Harry Connick was AWESOME last night!

3) Once every two weeks there seems to be an invisible hair that grows at the bottom of my nose and feels like it’s touching my nostril. I’ve already been to the restroom four times to see if there’s anything there, and there’s not. It worries me a little.

4) Picture this – a queen sized bed. A four inch tempurpedic pad on top causing normal humans the need to catapult themselves off the bed because simply rolling isn’t an option. A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel with allergies (awesome, right?) A pregnant lady who NEEDS five pillows. FIVE PILLOWS.

Pillow 1 – standing vertical in front of the headboard.

Pillow 2 – on the bed (in normal position)

Pillow 3 – on top of Pillow 2

Pillow 4 – under belly (don’t ask)

Pillow 5 – in the small of the back

5) Has anyone seen the Youtube video of the news anchor smashing grapes and falling off of the platform? Her final 30 seconds remind a lot of Sarah. Very similar noises for her in the morning or when she’s trying to catapult herself off the mattress topper. Here it is in case you’ve missed it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMS0O3kknvk

6) How can someone’s favorite song be “The Happy Birthday Song?” Literally, every morning this is what I hear. And it’s not being sung mezzo piano. No sir. I’m talkin’ about fortississimo and going down her list of people. Did you know it’s my birthday every day? And what’s funnier is that she’s just like me thinking that we want to hear another verse. Here’s what it sounds like:

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Hallie. Happy birthday to you.” “Again???? Otay!!” “Happy birthday to you……….

The, “again, otay” slays me every time. Cutie pants.

7) I wish I could describe (in words and not sounds) my love for this salad here in town. Not sure what it is because the ingredients are so simple: romaine, prosciutto, croutons, parmesan cheese, red onions, balsamic dressing. I could eat it every day. Every. Day. They also include kalamata olives and artichokes but who wants to eat that???

8) There is a game I play with my grandmother. It’s slightly mean, yet it’s slightly awesome. All I have to do is mention that I had something SO WONDERFUL to eat, I just don’t think there’s anything better. And she will try to one-up it. Literally. Simply mention, “I had the most amazing piece of pound cake today (be it a truth or a lie) and no joke, she will make one the next day, “force” you to take it and eat it, and call you back within an hour asking if it was better. And the thing is, no, I’m not kidding, and yes, it’s usually better. She has literally made a different pound cake everyday for at least two weeks. Her excuse is “she’s looking for the perfect recipe.” And FYI – I think she’s found it.

9) During the sermon at church this past Sunday, our pastor was preaching on possessions and people’s need to acquire more and more. He said, “How many of you are right now thinking about what you’re going to buy next or what you’re going to get next???” He was standing right beside me as I was drawing a floor plan to a house that I would build if I won the lottery. Sad.

10) Sarah has cried more this pregnancy than in her whole life. I’m convinced of this. I mean, how many people can cry at the graduation scene from the movie “Fame?” Or at Glee? Or at commercial about a local pool company? Or even at the mention of not having accessories to decorate the top of her dresser? True story.

Hope you enjoyed my list. I will try to get back on the blogging train.

Promise.

Break

2010-04-12T11:08:00.001-04:00

Hey,

In case you haven't noticed I've taken a little blogging break. I'm trying to figure out what to do with the blog. I promise to have a post up this week.

Thanks!

Matthew

Did You Hear About the Morgan's? Oh, you didn't? Well, good for you!

2010-03-23T09:22:00.001-04:00

I don’t really know what’s happened in the movie world recently, but I do know I don’t like it. Maybe it’s my decision-making abilities. Maybe it’s the Movie Gallery in my town. Maybe you can never take someone else’s recommendations on movies.

Whatever it is, it needs to stop.

We don’t get to see a lot of movies in the theater because the only theater we’ll go to is about one and a half hours away. Those are special nights. Therefore, we rent a lot. (which technically isn’t that big of a deal because the turnaround time from theater to shelf is so short now.) The last movie we saw in the theater was The Blind Side, which I loved. I thought it was a great, great, movie. Loved it. And we’ll definitely own it.

I haven’t had the same luck with the rentals, but I have to say, I’m glad I didn’t see the movies I rented in the theater or I would have been one angry individual. You see, here’s the thing. We subscribe to the “power play” at Movie Gallery. It’s $15 a month and I think you can rent three or four movies during the month. It’s super quick and easy too. Just walk in, they scan the movie you selected, you walk out. No receipt, nothing to sign, easy.

We’d been given some recommendations on some “cute” movies recently and so we’ve rented most of them. Herein lies the problem. I’d now like to share with you these movies which accounted for six hours I’ll never get back.

Ever.

Did You Hear About the Morgan’s – starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant. You probably had no idea this was a romantic comedy with these two actors. It’s becoming more and more clear to me that when actors need a little cash, they’ll just hop on any project, because there’s no way either of them can look back and say, “wow, that was awesome” because it had to be the WORST. MOVIE. EVER. So predictable and stupid and so not real. You know, successful attorney, successful Real Estate broker both working and making tons of cash in NYC. Currently separated because of infidelity. They witness a murder and are carted off to Wyoming to be in witness protection where they fall back in love. In a word, gag.

New in Town – starring Rene Zellweger and Harry Connick Jr. This could be the saddest, slowest, stupidest movie around. Rene is a high-powered executive in Miami. Harry is a Union Rep for a plant in Minnesota. Renee temporarily relocates to modify the plant where she completely insults Harry at their first meeting, only not knowing he was the union rep she was about to negotiate the union contract with. Big city girl meets country boy. They fall in love. In a word, gag.

The Invention of Lying – starring Ricky Gervais and Jennifer Garner. In a world where no one ever lies, ever, Ricky figures out how to and changes his life by way of lying. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID. In a word, gag.

It’s clearly our inability to select decent movies. Sarah doesn’t do “action”, I DO NOT EVER DO “horror.” So we have to stick with drama, comedy and romantic comedy. I noticed Precious, Up in the Air and The Hurt Locker were all available for rent. Granted movies I like and movies that win Oscars never match.

Has anyone seen a great movie we need to see? (as a note, I don't do vampires.)

Talking to a Turd

2010-03-15T14:41:00.004-04:00

And I'm using turd as a noun, not an adjective.

And I'm sorry because turd is such an ugly word.

But using "Talking to a Bowel Movement" just didn't have the same effect.

This is a short story, but it's too funny to pass up. It could be TMI for some, so leave now if you can't handle "bathroom talk." That was your warning.

So, if you're reading Sarah's blog at all you know that we have a potty using fiend in our midst. Celie is sort of obsessed with using the potty.

("I have no idea where she gets her obsessive tendencies from," said the man who has a six-tab excel spreadsheet with six different versions of a choir seating chart for the Easter musical.)

In a later post we'll talk about my other obsessive tendencies like:

consuming endless amounts of peanut M&M's if they're in my house
watching, reading or listening to anything that really irritates me, because it irritates me
constantly monitoring the growth or shrinkage of my belly
popping whiteheads - I know, I'm sorry
continuously wondering what I would do if I won $100,000,000.00 - seriously, like thinking about the lot I would buy and the house I would build on it

But we'll do that later. Much, much later.

Later = probably never.

So anyway, Celie now has full use of the potty. Numbers one and two. Which is great. So I get her up this morning (even though the look on her face said, "Why are you in here at 6:30 AM?????" except, because of the wonderful Daylight Savings Time, it was really 7:30) and she mentioned her need to go to the potty. I help her take off her pj's and diaper and off she went into the bathroom. When she made it into the bathroom, I heard her let out an enormous gasp.

Keep in mind Sarah has pretty much trained her to gasp at any and everything. Literally, it's like the biggest gasp ever.

So, of course I became immediately filled with anxiety when I heard the gasp thinking that there was probably a river of pee pee on the floor or on the floor mats and Lilly was probably licking it up. (which was going to make me puke if that was the case and then there would have been two messes to clean up.)

But neither was the case. Whew.

I walked in to see Celie practically head first in the toilet and she was talking up a storm. She heard me walk in and pulled her head out from the toilet and gasped again and said:

"Look daddy, poo poo in the potty!!! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey poo poo!!! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey poo poo!!"

We apparently forgot to flush her poo-poo from last night and therefore Celie found a new friend.

So, of course, I overreacted and first thought, "Who forgets to flush poo-poo?"

Parents of a two year old, that's who.

(Why do I keep saying "poo-poo" when I'm not telling the story?)

I continued, "Well, let's flush the poo-poo ok? It's dirty."

Of course Celie had to assist because she loves a good toilet flush - and who doesn't?

"Bye-bye poo-poo," she said and back on to the potty she went. Except when you don't flush poo-poo from the night before, sometimes it likes to hang out a little longer if you know what I mean. This then created another reason for Celie to gasp and say:

"New poo-poo in the potty!!!"

"No, no Celie. It isn't new. It was leftover." (Lord help me!) "It didn't all go down the first time so it's still there."

"OK." she said.

So after she asked me to leave the room ( she really needs her privacy when using the restroom, not sure where she gets that either) which is another favorite pastime, I hear with a grunt, "NNNNeeeewwww pppppoooooooooo-pppppoooooooooo."

And sure enough.

New poo-poo in da house.

Thank you Celie for another action-packed Monday morning.

Sorry if this was a little TMI, but it's a two-year old we're talking about, not a 30 year old.

A Good Read

2010-03-12T15:00:00.003-05:00

I couldn't help but copy and post this from the incomparable Travis Cottrell:

*******************************************************************

There is always something next with God.

Listen to me: You have not been disqualified, overlooked or undergifted. You may be in a season of life where things seem questionable; maybe they even seem desolate..hopeless...over. Your circumstances may be trying to dictate to you that God has not come through, nor will He. But guess what? That is not true. It just isn't. Not only is it not true, but what actually is true is the very opposite. And if you will free Him up to be God in your life by giving Him your surrender, He will give you beauty for your ashes. Strength for your weakness. And He will turn things around more quickly than you can say MAYDAY.

Your gifts (or lack of) are a non-factor. Your geography? Not a factor. Your past? Only gonna feed into God's redemption, if you will let it.

******************************************************************************

You can leave a comment stating "I RECEIVE THAT" if you like.

And the Winner Is.....

2010-03-08T09:04:00.002-05:00

By the way, when did they start saying, "and the winner is" as opposed to "and the Oscar goes to" at the Academy Awards???

Well, the people have spoken and the result is a resounding "yes" to keeping the blog up and going. I'd like to thank the people who left the 17 comments to encourage me to keep going. I have a strange feeling that there were a few anonymous comments from the same person, but I didn't specify any comment-leaving protocol in the rules.

So the blog stays on. Thank you for your support.

I'd like to transition you to the topic of the Academy Awards now because there's a few things that I'm dying to talk about. First of all, we always watch the Oscars. We're not those people that throw an Oscar party, because that would just be weird, but Sarah and I always watch together. We never make through the entire show though. For some reason, I thought they started at 8:00.

They didn't.

They started at 8:30. Not a big deal, right? We sat down and saw the network's coverage of the red carpet - which is always annoying to me. I mean, seriously. Who cares what they're wearing? It's not even their clothes!!! They BORROW them. Not to mention all the men look identical. It's the women who are out for blood.

Here's what the red carpet boils down to for me:

Women in big dresses
Big dresses they do not own
Some women have really good taste
Others do not

It cracks me up when they say "who" they're wearing for a plug. "So tell me Sarah Jessica Parker, who are you wearing tonight?" "Why this little frock just so happens to be Chanel." "Well you look lovely." "Thank you."

Why do they plug it? Because personally, I can't afford to buy Sarah a $30,000 evening gown. I mean if you're plugging cleaning products or iPods or something it's one thing. But these insanely expensive gowns? Who cares who it is?

Anyway, the point of all of this is to say that ABC's "official" coverage of the red carpet was a complete and total nightmare. It was hosted by some random dude, Sherri Shepherd from The View and, wait for it.......................Kathy Ireland.

WHO WAS THE MOST SOCIALLY AWKWARD INTERVIEWER I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I would actually start to feel my heart race when the cameras cut to her for a brief interview. I got so tense and nervous watching her head bobble around like a dashboard hula girl that I almost threw something at the TV. I think I would have rather watched Heidi Montag interview people with her new face.

I really want to know if Kath has ever been on TV or held a microphone or interacted with celebrities before. I'm not kidding when I say it was so horrible. I wish I could find a video clip but I can't. I just hope you saw it and was as painfully uncomfortable as I was.

On a personal note, we had a pretty low key weekend. We spent Saturday shopping with some friends in Destin sans children which was really nice. I would like to say thank you to my parents for watching Celie. They live next door to us and have always watched her whenever we needed them to. I'm so appreciative to them for that.

Did church yesterday which was great. I took the night off because we hosted a concert for a local guy who wants to jump-start is Christian music career. It was nice to not have to plan for that service and to just have a great family day at home.

There is one other thing I'd like to address to you all. In one of the comments, someone mentioned missing the "Weekly with Rhobie" IM conversations I would post. I'm sad to say that Rhobie no longer works with me and therefore, we only have email and phone conversations now. She got a great opportunity at a company closer to home with better pay. So, you probably won't see any of those posts ever again.

I have a feeling that the commenter was Spencer, another co-worker, who would already know this info, but in case it wasn't, there's your answer.

I'll talk to you all later in the week.

Promise.

Hi, It's Me.

2010-03-03T09:06:00.002-05:00

Ok. It's been a while, I know. Outside of Celie's birthday post I think it's been almost three weeks since a new post. I'm sure I have ZERO readers now.

ZERO.

I haven't had a lot to say. I had to travel to Maine for work, which I didn't want to broadcast for some reason. I had no time to blog while I was there. Then I came back home and work was crazy so when I got home I didn't want to blog. Now it's week three and I'm just out of the habit.

Do I continue the blog? I don't know. It's a question I ask myself at least twice a week if not three times. I'll leave it up to you all though. So here's the deal, If I get ten comments saying I should keep the blog going, then I will. If I do not get ten comments, the blog will probably end soon.

Deadline is Sunday, March7 to leave your comment.

This isn't a pity party.

I promise.

I don't think anyway???

Nonetheless, can I please talk about American Idol? Killing me softly is not only a song, but it is what that show is doing to me. Are there no longer people in the US who can sing? I enjoyed ZERO guys from last night, except for the guy with the mullet. I don't get it. I really don't.

You know what else I don't get? Executive "cherry" office furniture. It's so old school. Did you know they still make the two drawers on the bottom for hanging files?

Because people keep "files" in today's world. Wanna know how many "files" I keep?

ZERO.

Outside of invoices I've submitted for payment, I keep ZERO files.

This makes me think about how the corporate world operated in the mid to late 80's. I always revisit the movie "9 to 5" when I need to give myself a picture of that. All those ladies typing on typewriters outside the "bossman's" office.

WHAT WERE THEY TYPING????

WHY DID THE "BOSSMAN" HAVE TO SUMMON HIS OWN PERSONAL SECRETARY INTO HIS OFFICE BY WAY OF INTERCOM???

Notice I said secretary and not assistant.

The old school mentality is still so funny to me because so many people have it. People still say Bossman, by the way. Some people still consider you late if you walk in your office at 8:01 AND WRITE YOU UP FOR IT. Now, I am not a proponent of being tardy for work by any means, however, it is 2010 and technology has given us so much flexibility in our work schedules these days. Today, we have the workload of three people from the 80's and 90's.

Where I work today, I hear stories about how many employees used to work here and I am dumbfounded. EVERY departmental manager had a secretary. Hysterical. I really don't know what these secretaries did except type memos.

Memos.

Those are funny.

I don't know how I ended up talking about workplace efficiency in a blog that started about if I should keep blogging or not, but I'll tell you this, it's annoying and I need it to stop.

Ok. Do you want me to keep the blog? Yes or No.

I can handle it.

I think.

As I reach for a tissue.

Happy Birthday Celie!

2010-02-23T10:19:00.003-05:00

Proverbs 22:4-6

"The reward of humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, honor and life. Thorns and snares are in the way of the perverse; He who guards himself will be far from them. Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it."

Dear Celie,

Two years ago today you came into our lives and completely changed everything we knew as normal. Your arrival into this world was a perfect description of your personality today - all eyes on you!! Mommy and I had it pretty hard your first few days. We were so worried about you, but the Lord was with us and with you and you came home with us after the "standard" time in the hospital.

You are so funny and you're a clown from the moment you wake up until you go to bed. You're also kinda like a lion. You can smell the weak and that's who you go after to get whatever you want. Your Papa seems to always be the young wildebeest in this analogy. You have so much fun with your family and friends both at day care and the church nursery.

There's no way for me to tell you just how much I love you and how much brighter you make every day. Having you has increased my capacity to love. You've even helped me love Mommy more and more everyday. I never want a day to pass that you don't hear me tell you, "I love you."

Mommy and I pray for you everyday too. Our first prayer is that you will come to know and accept Jesus Christ as your savior when you're old enough to understand it. We pray for your health and your protection too. We love you so much.

You are the sweetest little girl I know and you're going to be a great big sister. I'm still learning how to be a good daddy so please be patient with me. I love you more than anything in the entire world. I'm so glad you're mine.

I love you birthday girl!

Daddy

What's Sweeter?

2010-02-11T06:00:00.001-05:00

There are a lot of things in life that are sweet. Take my chocolate cake for example. It's sweet (and amazing.) A tub of puppies. So totally sweet. So sweet in fact, that I could eat them with a spoon - or just let them wallow all over me with their little puppy breath.

Geeze I love puppies.

A "fresh, hot, now" Krispy Kreme doughnut. SWEEEEEEEEEEEEET! An old married couple that still hold hands. Totally sweet.

But in all my years (all 30 of them,) I've never seen or heard anything sweeter than my little girl singing the words to one of her favorite songs all by herself.

"I'm different, different, different

Nobody's like me.

Different, different, different

And that's ok with me

Yeah, that's ok with me."

"When I was born they threw away the mold.

Now no one knows how my life will unfold.

I'm different, different, different

Nobody's like me.

Different, different, different

And that's ok with me

Yeah, that's ok with me."

"Born with ten toes or even born with nine

Where there is love then who I am is fine.

I'm different, different, different

Nobody's like me.

Different, different, different

And that's ok with me

Yeah, that's ok with me."

"Black, white or green

from parents rich or poor.

From boat on creek

in land of Singapore.

I'm different, different, different

Nobody's like me.

Different, different, different

And that's ok with me

Yeah, that's ok with me."

She was singing her little heart out this morning on the way to Sissy's. It almost made me tear up a little because she was singing with such excitement (and most of the time on pitch - atta girl!!!!)

Here's a picture of her singing this morning.

Sweet.

Dear John

2010-02-10T06:00:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend we went to see the new movie, Dear John. Sarah is an avid reader of Nicolas Sparks and we pretty much go to any movie that has been made based on one of his novels. I hadn't read the book, therefore I thought the movie was going to be about a divorce.

You know, Dear John.......I'm leaving.....blah, blah, blah.......it's not you it's me......blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, I was wrong.

True to any Nicolas Sparks novel, I knew how to prepare myself. I knew there would be young (or old) love, a "honeymoon period," separation, possible death, a reuniting, a wedding perhaps?, South Carolina scenery and a lot of crying.

Let's say I got six out of eight - but I won't elaborate.

Channing Tatum. Hmmmmm, I kept telling Sarah that I felt like I actually knew him from somewhere. He played his part very convincingly - sortof a introverted, socially awkward military guy. Now perhaps I felt like I knew him because I used to live in a town with a couple Navy bases and near an Air Force base. Who knows. Let me just say this, I don't see poor Channing winning many Oscars in his day, I could be wrong, but I doubt it.

And this Amanda person. The girl from Mama Mia! Ummmm, asking $7.5M per picture? Really? Seriously? I mean, more power to you, but wow.

So my overall opinion of the movie? Not bad.

The ending made me want to kill the lady in novelty sweater next to me. I think when the credits started rolling I said, "what???" like 15 times out loud. It was slightly annoying.

And by slightly I mean very.

It's a good date night movie. It won't change your life at all (not like Dumb and Dumber or anything), but it was a pretty good movie.

I give it three out of five.

Nervous Much?

2010-02-09T06:00:00.000-05:00

Listed below, please find things which currently make me very nervous:

1) Drunk people

2) Animals dressed as humans

3) Celery in potato salad

4) Today's youth

5) Interviews with Lady GaGa

6) the Olive Garden on a Saturday night

7) a telephone conversation with my mother which includes the phrase: "I found the cutest shoes at Sears."

8) the future of the "Pants on the Ground" man

9) any trip to Sam's with Sarah

10) Nancy Grace

The End.

Pregnancy in Full Force

2010-02-08T06:00:00.000-05:00

Sarah and I made our yearly eye appointments for this past Friday. I think I was actually a couple months late making mine to be honest. Because our appointments were at 930 am, I decided to take the entire day off as to not feel pressured to get back. We sent Celie over to Sissy's for the day because......well, just because.

****Could you imagine Celie inside the office of an EYE DOCTOR????? Every single display frame would have 1) been on her face. 2) been on the floor. 3) been in groups of likeness separated by color family. (she's a freak and yes, we know.)****

We both had good checkups. I'm was excited to get more contacts. I won't even tell you how old mine were, but I think I brushed some algae off of them that morning. My glasses were an entirely different story. I sorta felt like Steve Erkel in my old ones. Not to mention they were crooked, falling apart, completely scratched up and all in all a total disaster.

I'm happy to say that in two weeks I'll have a fresh, new pair that isn't reminiscent of something Danny Tanner wore on Full House.

Sarah also got new contacts and frames and after we dropped about $350 on all four, we were on our way. I can't decide if that was a good deal or if I was totally just screwed on my eye health. I mean, my contacts are for astigmatism and are historically very expensive. Two new glasses and two new sets of contacts for us for about $350 after insurance? Jury is still out.

We finished up our errands and had a nice lunch at the Bingo Palace....oh wait, I mean, Golden Corral. (Sorta the same thing, right?)

Golden Corral you say? What's up with that?

I normally HATE....no, no, make that DESPISE buffets, but since I'm back on Weight Watchers, I knew exactly what I wanted to get for a very minimal amount of points. Not to mention their salad bar is one of the best I've ever had. So, that was what I ate for lunch: a delicious salad to start and then green beans, peas, carrots, broccoli, and baked chicken (skin off.)

And then I saw it.

The slider steak burger.

If you've ever eaten at the Golden Corral, you've more than likely had a yeast roll from there. That's what these little sliders were on - yeast rolls. AND they were made from steak. And I have to tell you, I took one bite of one and literally wanted to denounce Weight Watchers, rip all my clothes off and run around Golden Corral (of course, being careful to dodge all the walkers, jazzys and canes in the way - ouch!)

Could have been the best burger I've ever had one tiny bit of - and those are some big words my friend.

Or it could be that I was in denial about how good it really was since I'm back on the WW bandwagon.

Not sure.

Anyway, we got home and picked up Celie from Sissy's and came on home.

(I've totally neglected any content moderately related to the title of this post until now.)

So, as I was sitting there letting Celie wind down for the night, here's the conversation that occurred:

Sarah: "I think I need something sweet from the store."

Matthew: "OK, want me to go get you something?"

Sarah: "Yeah, I think so. I think I want a Klondike bar."

Matthew (intrigued): "Ummm, ok."

Sarah (beginning to salivate): "and a pack of those banana cream popsicles."

Matthew (dry heaving): "Ummm, ok."

Sarah (looking off into the distance): "And a value pak of the orange cream pops too."

Matthew (forcing an understanding smile): "Uh huh, ok. That's all very reasonable."

Sarah: "And some Golden Oreos too please."

Matthew: "Be back soon."

So I get back home with as much frozen dairy as a Schwan's truck (along with two movie selections) and I put everything away. We pop in movie #1, the updated, modernized version of "Fame." I wasn't sure about this choice but I will say the previews looked pretty good. And it was. Now, it wasn't great and my life would still be the same had I not watched it, but it was fine. A bunch of no-name young actors and some older seasoned ones too.

How can I confirm that Sarah is, in fact, pregnant?

During the last scene of Fame - simply a graduation scene - she's next to me crying like a baby. Like someone just beat her up on the playground. Like someone just hijacked her Schwan's truck. Like someone asked her to stop wearing her terrycloth, capri length, "house pants."

I was like, "How are you crying at this???" Her response was simple.....

"They m-m-m-made it, they f-f-f-f-finally made it."

And we're only at month 4.

Smile!

Success!

2010-02-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

I don't know that I've ever posted about a specific product on the blog. Well, at least one that is good. I can't remember.

Today, that is changing because I have to stop and let everyone know the success we're having with a new dog food.

Blue Buffalo Dog Food.

This dog food has given our sweet Lilly a 180 degree turnaround.

This story is long and boring so I'll give you the abridged version.

Lilly has severe food allergies (what else would you expect from the world's most high-maintenance dog?)
We discovered this a few years ago
She would itch non-stop (and make me crazy. Literally crazy.)
We paid a small fortune on "tests" (that really didn't tell us too much.)
She's allergic to protein (wha????)
Put her on Hill's Prescription Diet Salmon and Potato (yum)
Fast forward about three years
Learned that she's not supposed to be on this food for an "extended period" from a trusty website (eek!!)
Switched to this new food (after dropping a cool $65 on the old stuff just days before.)
Not only has she COMPLETELY stopped itching, but she is excited, silky smooth and madly in love with this new food.

The pads on her feet are no longer pink. She no longer wakes up itching or biting. It's a brand new day for her! (And us, let's be serious.)

Blue has a ton of different varieties of food. They all contain great quality ingredients. We bought the Fish and Sweet Potato one for allergies. It's still a premium food so the cost is still there, but it's about $20 cheaper than Hills which is about $65 for the 17 lb bag. We can all tell a huge difference in her and it has only been a week.

I want to thank Laura from Dog Grooming Plus (Lilly's groomer) and Mike and Rose from Bow Wow Beach for helping open our eyes about dog food. Laura and her daughter Wanda have been in Port St. Joe a really long time and have had their successful grooming shop for quite some time. Mike and Rose have just recently opened Bow Wow Beach. It's a really, really cute store for pets (ok, dogs and cats, but who walks a cat on a leash?) I love the store and wish them great success in Port St. Joe. I highly encourage you to support them.

If you'd like to research the dog food you're currently feeding your furry family member, click here.

Seats and Springs

2010-02-04T09:03:00.004-05:00

If the combination of the two words in the title doesn't mean anything to you it's probably because you aren't as gifted as I am in the plumbing world.

If you know me at all, you know that I have always been intrigued and captivated by the plumbing industry. You know, with all the pipe and fittings and ummm, check valves (???) and water. It makes perfect sense why I'm such a great fit.

I have a faucet on my kitchen sink (gasp, no????). I don't like it very much. But I think it was pretty expensive so I'm not inclined to replace it. Not to mention it matches all my kitchen hardware (brushed nickel.) It's the kind of faucet that the faucet is actually the sprayer.

Have I mentioned that I hate it?

Anyway, a few days ago, it started dripping. Annoying. So, I looked at it and thought, "well, something is clearly wrong with this faucet." (brilliant, no?) So I unscrewed the part where the water comes out. I tightened a couple screws, cleaned a rubber ring thing and put it all back together.

All for it to drip worse.

We basically decided that a new faucet was going to be in the future for us, except there was another one we wanted - I personally wanted the one that you could just touch and it turns on except they're like $450 which is insane. After consulting with my resident contractor, you apparently can't just drill new holes into a sink.

Weird.

Which meant that we were going to have to basically buy the same faucet.

BUT THEN.

BUT THEN......

My inner plumber thought it would be wise to consult with my resident Children's Ministry Coordinator / Women's Ministry Coordinator / Plumbing Company Office Manager friend Sarah who immediately suggested I replace the "seats and springs."

Hmmmmm, interesting theory, go on, go on.

She told me that it was an easy and the most inexpensive fix. I told her that while that sounded nice, I wasn't sure I knew what she was talking about (unless I used my mutant powers and became a plumber, but I only do that in emergencies - obviously.) She told me that she would be happy to give me a tutorial.

Score!

I drive over to Mize Plumbing Service and Supply, Inc. and there she is with a test faucet.

Except the faucet was brand new and still in the packaging.

Immediate diarrhea cramping ensues.

She demonstrates the replacement process of the seats and springs, put the faucet back together again and said, "ok, your turn."

Me (under my breath): "Our father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name......"

But - SUCCESS! I did it!

Granted I struggled a little bit with cross threading the main component (which apparently is a bad thing,) but ended up pretty successful with Sarah ending the tutorial with this phrase:

"We'll just let some of the guys fix this when they need it."

Hmmmmm, ok. So, I take all my purchased supplies ($2.99) and a borrowed allen wrench and off I go.

After choir, I came home and followed the steps EXACTLY as was demonstrated to me yesterday and hands to heaven, I now have a faucet that I hate, but doesn't drip one single ounce.....or CC....or some other small measurement of water.

I am plumber hear me roar!!!

Shout out to Miss Mize!!!!

In Certain Circles I Could Be Shot for Saying This...

2010-02-01T13:25:00.002-05:00

There are a few things I need to say.

And I'm doing it in my blog because if I lived in a larger city and actually said these things out loud I could run the risk of getting shot.

1) (I'm sorry America.)

I do not / cannot understand the infatuation with Beyonce. I'm sorry. I can't. Furthermore, I do not think she is a good singer. I actually think she is a bad singer. She sounds like a random, higher-quality church singer with a moderately-wide vibrato who can't figure out when to belt and not belt. Why does everything have to be screaming? I do not consider her to be a musical visionary, true artist or whatever other name celebrities like to throw around when referring to other celebrities. For me, she's always going to be the girl that sang the song with the line....

"Do you pay my bills, do you pay my telephone bill, do you pay my automobile?"

Artist? I think not.

That Grammy performance was so awkward too. What was with all the GI Joe's? And what was with her writhing around on the stage?

Oh wait, she's a visionary!

When I think about songs that have majorly impacted or changed our culture, I think about a lot of older songs. Songs like "Imagine," "Bridge Over Troubled Water," "We Are the World," (LOL), stuff like that. I don't think about "Single Ladies." It's like the music industry is run by the mob and Jay-Z is the Godfather.

Whatever. I can't stand Beyonce. Sue me.

2) Taylor Swift, you had the biggest album of 2009. Is it really hard to believe you're winning awards?? Enough with the "surprised" stammering and deer in the headlights look.

3) I CANNOT SEE one more woman layer a turtleneck and tights underneath a summer dress. It's not clever, it's not being a "fashion plate," it's not even cute. Please stop before I have to gouge my eyes out.

4) I would rather eat a sand sandwich than a deconstructed Big Mac in a tortilla. Just sayin'.

5) Haiti, the celebrity crisis de jour. Can we stop all the publicity around celebrities who even say the word Haiti? There's a lot of people helping Haiti, many of whom will go unnoticed. But noooooooo, not our good friends the celebrities.

****Sidebar****

At what point in your celebrity do you become a political and cultural expert? I'm just curious. It seems like you have to be in a movie with George Clooney. Then all of a sudden you have all these opinions on politics and what country we should aid and from where you should adopt children.

****Sidebar over****

6) I think Lady Gaga is a freak with daddy issues.

7) I think Smokey Robinson should give up the ghost. Dude, your career ended a while ago for a reason.

8) I think if you want to see some real musical talent, you look at the artists who are doing it because they love it, not because they want to get rich from it. Look at the Christian artists of our day. There are some folks out there that could sing the pants off anyone who performed on the Grammys last night. Also, look at people like the Dave Matthew's Band.

(Sarah just wet herself.)

While I do not personally enjoy the DMB "style," they are absolute musical geniuses.

9) I would like to hit the missionaries who were arrested in Haiti. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?????? "no one will notice (and surely not arrest us) if we attempt to smuggle 33 kids across the border." IDIOTS!

sorta like, "No officer, I don't use these prescription drugs hidden in my suitcase. I'm giving them to my grandmother who can't afford them and she really needs them. It's the right thing to do."

And go to jail for.

10) Michael Jackson is dead.

Get.

Over.

It.

I Didn't Know Dogs Could Write

2010-01-28T22:17:00.005-05:00

When I came home tonight, I found this letter outside Celie's door. Very strange indeed.....

Dear Celie,

It's almost been two years since you came into our lives (and by OUR I mean Mom, Dad, and ME.) I remember Mom and Dad telling me all about you and how sweet you would be, how little, how dainty, how loving.

ahem.

You used to really freak me out when you would cry. I would totally run around in a panic and eventually find solace under one of the ottomans in the living room. (I mean, what was with all the crying???) Anyway, Mom and Dad's focus totally changed.

To you.

There were always people over here but no one really wanted to see me. They all came to see you and to be honest, I never thought you were really going to stay around because you didn't really look like Mom and Dad, but instead, you looked very similar to the man who owned Yum's in Pensacola (with the best General Tso's chicken in the world - so I hear.)

But you stayed and that was fine. However, can I just say to you that I once ruled this house. I used to go on trips and get presents ALL THE TIME. Now, the gifts I get are "new beds," "designer food," and "nail clippers."

whatevs.

So, I've made a decision and I'm going to let you stay here for a while longer. However, I have a few requests I'd like to make just to ensure the future is is bright.

1) Please, for the love of all things good and holy, when you "hug" me, can it not be a Full Nelson? I mean, you weigh more than me now and you're freakishly strong so just ease up a bit - k?

2) I KNOW. I GET IT. I had my one and only accident in Mom and Dad's house a few weeks ago. Why do you have to constantly remind me about it? It was by the door, I had to go. But all the screaming, "No, no, no Lilly!!!" and accusatorily pointing at me and then at "the spot" just really brings me down. IT WAS A MONTH AGO FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. What are you an elephant?

3) That car you have....yeah, the one with the Disney princesses that plays that awful music.....yeah, it's gotta go. I can no longer be a moving target for you while you go flying across the house like Mario Andretti. It's not fair and I won't stand for it.

4) I know you've probably noticed that when you run toward me my ears go back and I start to look really nervous. Well, there's good reason for that. Sometimes when you grab my ears and scream, "Lilly face, Lilly face, Lilly face" at me I don't really know what to do. I mean, they're my ears, not my face and not to mention you have a grip like a vice. Please stop.

5) And while we're on the subject, completely lying on me like a blanket is no longer permissible. You hurt dude. Then you start the death roll which usually ends up in me yelping and accidentally scratching you in the face which makes you start to cry like a little baby and then Mom and Dad look at me and sometimes raise their voice because apparently they've been fooled to think that you are the only one that matters here. So enough already.

6) Feedings. Yes, I eat in the mornings at the same time you do. Will you please leave my Salmon and Sweet Potato alone??? It's all I get. All day. Not you, so get out my space! And don't think I didn't see you nab a piece the other day when you threw one into the kitchen so I'd run after it leaving you all alone by my bowl. You're a wiley little minx and I'm on to you. Big time.

7) I'm going to ask that during your normal feeding times if you'd start dropping a little more on the floor than you do currently. Specifically when Mom lets you eat popcorn. Dude, I love that stuff. Why are you a hoarder??? I get the occasional green bean, but this just in, NO BODY WANTS THAT.

8) My toys are my toys. Period. You have an entire room filled to the brim and I have a small basket in Mom and Dad's room and you go in there all self-righteous and just take anything you want and I'm supposed to just accept it? No ma'am. Not anymore. Please refrain from playing with my toys, AND YES, my nylon bones are MINE. Not teething chew toys for you. Cry me a river about your "two year molars" or whatever they're called.

9) You really put on a spectacle when you see me poop in the yard, and to be 100% honest, it sorta freaks me out. I need my privacy. The humidity has to be right, the dew levels have to be right, the wind has to be right, so with all that, just leave me in peace. All the gasping when I go (like I'm birthing a baby walrus) is a little over the top and unnecessary.

10) Yeah, you're "brushing technique".......not so skillful. It's called being gentle. My breed isn't known for having the "cashmere coat" for nothing. I need long flowing strokes, not staccato thirty-second notes.

I hope you understand my current list of requests. I think as long as you agree to these terms our relationship will remain peaceful.

Unless you start that chasing again. Then all bets are off and I might be forced to use my brute strength against you.

And I know where you sleep.

With love from your sister,

Lilly

I Cannot Believe....

2010-01-25T15:31:00.003-05:00

My brain is only working in short bursts of info these days so what better way to cop out of a "real post" than a list?

I cannot believe...

1) That it's been over a week since I last posted

2) That I suggested Peppers for lunch today

3) That Sarah thinks her new pillow is causing her to have bad dreams

4) That poor Lilly has been injured twice in two months by an over zealous 23 month old

5) That people track children's ages by months until they're two

6) That Celie can barely wear her Easter dress now

7) I'm probably going to have to move this blog to another provider like Wordpress because I get too many spam comments

8) That I haven't been totally obsessed with American Idol this year

9) How mature Celie has become in just a couple of months

10) That no matter how much I get annoyed at a specific blogger listed on Sarah's site, I go back day after day after day

11) That I found one of my favorite choir pieces that's been out of print for so long

12) That I started back on Weight Watchers today

13) That my mother is up in arms about having to work 38 hours this week

14) That my mother's Christmas tree is still up and decorated

15) That I watched a BBQ contest on the Food Network last night and my mouth actually began to salivate

16) The sentences that Celie can put together - isn't she still a baby????

17) That as much as Sarah begged for a Cricut, she's yet to use hers

18) How oily my skin is

19) I just said that

20) That I actually do not miss being on facebook

Weekly With Rhobie - All About Coats

2010-01-14T09:21:00.005-05:00

Once again, brace yourself for the brain typhoon that is our IM conversation....

Enjoy!

Matthew: hi

Rhobie: hi

Matthew: what are you doing?

Rhobie: an honest answer?

Matthew: yes

Rhobie: well

Rhobie: I am looking at winter coats

Matthew: you know, I was just having a conversation with someone here about that

Rhobie: about me looking at winter coats?

Matthew: well, not you specifically

Matthew: although that could be a separate topic of conversation

Matthew: but how coats are "necessary accessories" for you people

Matthew: and how you have like 12 of them

Matthew: where we have like 1

Matthew: and hate wearing them

Rhobie: I love them

Rhobie: but

Rhobie: around here it’s part of your everyday winter outfit

Rhobie: for like 6 months of the year

Matthew: right

Rhobie: and it's what people see

Matthew: so they have to be cute

Rhobie: more so than the clothes underneath

Rhobie: right

Matthew: crazy

Rhobie: and I personally want to have more than 1 because I get bored

Rhobie: wearing the same one every day

Matthew: I mean, we don't wear the same shirt everyday

Matthew: at least I don't

Rhobie: I know!

Rhobie: so why should we wear the same coat every day

Matthew: so, what coat are you "needing" these days?

Rhobie: well I need a new ski jacket and I would also like a new casual wool jacket

Rhobie: I mean

Rhobie: I always have a need for more coats

Matthew: this is good

Matthew: it could be an article for a magazine

Matthew: do you have a trench?

Rhobie: yes - 2

Rhobie: tan and navy

Matthew: no winter white?

Rhobie: no I have a winter white wool coat now though

Matthew: well that's a relief

Rhobie: when you say trench I assume you mean like a fall coat for wearing when it is not freezing and might be raining

Matthew: um

Matthew: I don't mean like Sherlock Holmes

Matthew: I think I mean a modified trench, that's short and ties

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: but canvas material (or whatever that stuff is)

Rhobie: not wool

Matthew: well, no

Matthew: I think I mean wool

Matthew: because traditional trench coat material makes me sad

Rhobie: lol

Rhobie: this is confusing

Rhobie: well I have 2 knee length wool coats

Rhobie: no

Rhobie: 3

Matthew: of course

Rhobie: 1 black, 1 winter white, 1 red

Matthew: those all sound nice

Rhobie: and 2 trenches (not wool and better for fall) tan, navy

Matthew: anything else?

Rhobie: 2 spring jackets - khaki and other is grey

Matthew: spring jacket = does not compute

Rhobie: 1 wool "short" jacket for casual winter wear

Rhobie: (which is why I need another)

Matthew: obviously

Rhobie: then

Rhobie: 1 Gortex rain coat

Matthew: that doesn't sound attractive at all

Rhobie: ugly

Matthew: but who's looking at you in the rain

Rhobie: true

Rhobie: then I have a Gortex ski jacket

Rhobie: needs to be replaced

Rhobie: it's old

Rhobie: and several fleeces that I wear underneath

Matthew: so you're really in the market for several coats/jackets

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: always

Matthew: awesome

Just Call Me Ty Pennington

2010-01-12T09:49:00.007-05:00

Actually, don't call me Ty Pennington.

I mean, I suppose I could run around screaming at the top of my lungs while shirtless and sweating, but surely people would begin to think I was possessed by the devil or some other evil spirit.

Move that bus!!!!

LOL. That was funny for about two seconds and somehow I've hurt my own feelings.

Bless my heart.

But anyway, we've completed project #1 on our 2010 Home Projects To Be Completed task list. That project was converting a 1/4 bath into a walk-in pantry, or as I like to call it, my Butler's pantry.

No. It isn't a traditional butler's pantry, but it makes me feel special.

I've mentioned before that this "bathroom" consisted of just a toilet which was situated way too far from the wall. A waste of space in monumental proportions. So we decided to take it out and add shelves. See below.

Our 1/4 "bathroom." For those of you wondering, that lovely shade of yellow is Pismo Dunes by Behr. Notice the shiny TOTO toilet. (The name brand means nothing to me, I just enjoy that it's TOTO. I look at the name and read it out loud every time I go tee-tee in it. Except I've never used that specific toilet because there's always been too much stuff in there.)

Now, toilet removed with a lovely grey circle courtesy of Mize Plumbing.

Toilet removed with lovely grey circle and now vertical supports for shelving added courtesy of Coastal Craftsmen & Property Maintenance.

Actual shelving put in place courtesy of Matthew's Contracting Services with the guidance (and mind-changing) of Sarah's I-Have-The-Perfect-Place-And-Idea-For-That-Oh-Wait-I-Think-I-Want-It-Somewhere-Else Service.

Shelves in place, stocked with all the contents from under washer and dryer storage, and laundry shelving. It now looks totally different from our spending spree in Sam's this past weekend - I should have photographed it with all it's new stock. Oh well.

Total Project Cost - $300

Total Project Time - 1 day

Key Project Learnings - closet shelving isn't the greatest choice for heavy items. Either use pantry shelving (but that has the weird bracket system) or just buy more vertical supports for the drywall areas.)

Hope you enjoyed!

Thank You!

2010-01-08T20:06:00.003-05:00

I want to give a big shout-out and thank you to Al Gore for inventing the Internet!

Man, I just don't know where I'd be without that guy.

As I'm sitting in bed typing this post, I'm trying to reflect on this past week, but I can't because it's literally freezing here in Florida. It's been in the 20's every night this week, (wink, wink Mr. Gore - didn't you win something for your work on global warming?)

Science people question - Is unreasonably cold weather an indication of global warming?

So as I reflect, I can only think about how cold it's been - and yes - that's what we've all been talking about.

Work has been insane this week. It's like I said in another post, the new year comes around and it's like you woke the sleeping dragon (or the furry one from The Never Ending Story "Atreyuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.") Super busy from start to finish. Not that I'm complaining. It's fun being busy.

But that's not the topic of this post.

The topic is about Al Gore. And how he invented the Internet and caused me to become addicted to facebook which has since caused me to purge my account which was effective at 5:00 today.

You know, I really used to enjoy facebook. It was fun connecting with people from the past, specifically college friends. But then it became an obsession and I was checking it all the time and trying to really keep up my page and then I thought..."is this what I've become?"

Not really.

It just became too much. Not to mention, I feel like facebook became this place of annoying applications, random quizzes (although I did really enjoy the "Baptist Hymns" one. I rocked that quiz like it was my job!!!) and a place for people to indirectly brag on their lives. So many times I wanted to comment back to people:

"Nobody cares. You're a liar. Shut up already. Go away. You're annoying."

But that wouldn't be the Christian thing to do. So I decided to just pray for them.

LOL - kidding. I didn't do that either. Maybe I should have?

The real thing is, I don't really have 248 friends in real life. I may know 248 people, but of those, I probably get super annoyed with 163 of them. I found it strange why certain people wanted to be connected to me. Now I will say, facebook did allow for some "rekindling" of friendships and for that I'll be grateful.

So now I'm facebook free. It sorta feels weird. Sorta like when we disconnected our TV. It's like I only hear crickets in the background. It'll pass though, I just know it. Not to mention I really wanted to put my energy in just one online application and that's my blog.

I'm hoping to post more frequently and maybe vary the topics a bit.

I would like to hear from you all though - please. Would you rather my blog format be:

1) Daily recaps of life

2) Only funny stories

3) Stories with an array of emotions

4) Serious posts

5) Worship ministry posts

6) Music posts

7) Family posts

8) Combination of any of the above

Then I'd like to know if you like my blogs that are:

1) short

2) medium

3) long

And may contain:

1) photos

2) no photos

3) videos

Just some quick questions since the blog is all I'll be doing "recreationally" online. Except for shopping, reading, paying bills, banking, looking up recipes and reading reviews.

Much love to my blog readers.

And Al Gore, of course.

The Birds!

2010-01-06T12:54:00.004-05:00

I live in Florida. A fount of all things wildlife. I live in a county that is also very "live." Our bay is live, our forests are live, our skies are live - just all very live.

It's nothing to drive to work and see any of the following: deer, hogs, coyotes, opossums, raccoons, bears, rabbits, squirrels, armadillos, turkey vultures.....

you get the idea. There's stuff everywhere.

However, there's a strange phenomenon happening at my office involving all avian creatures. You see, there's an enormous tower in our back parking lot. It's directly in front of my window, just quite a few feet away from it. It's becoming a landing perch for the birds.

And I don't mean like two or three birds.

I'm talking dozens upon dozens of birds. The tower appears to be some sort of haven or sanctuary for the birds. I suppose it's like a nice Borders or a cozy street cafe where people scope out the best seating and hover around until they can snag it from you and claim it as their own. For many days now, the tower has been COMPLETELY COVERED with turkey vultures from 8:00-8:45 and then from 4:00-5:00. It's weird. There are dozens of them.

I think the turkey vulture is sorta like the common criminal or thug. They're kinda loners until one of them has something the other one wants. Then the whole posse turns up to get a piece then they all go their separate ways. They're bullies. They're ugly and they poop everywhere (I'm not sure that criminals poop everywhere, but you know what I mean.) There's a big circle of poop in our parking lot because of them. I don't know why they have scheduled times for meeting at the tower. It's like they're going to talk about their day, then they come back for a quick re-cap and discussion on their take-aways. I don't like them. They don't trust anyone and they're so skittish.

Recently, the tower has become desired by these little finch birds. At least, I think that's what they are. They're little and they're cute and they hop around everywhere. They fly around together in huge flocks/swarms. These little birds are your "town liberals." They're always in groups, always chirping, always demonstrating, always getting in others' business. And they're really funny to watch. They totally whipped up on the turkey vultures the other day took over the tower. Now, never mind that I saw one dead yesterday with guts hanging out. Not sure what happened there. Perhaps it was an Al Qaeda bird? Nonetheless, they are the current owners of the tower. And I sorta like it that way.

Then we have the dove. Doves? Dove? Is it like deer? Whatever. They're really never on the tower. They're always on my window sill. I sorta classify them as the "moms" of the bird world. Soccer moms, yes that's it. They're soccer moms. They're always pruning and fixing themselves. They're are always two or three of them together. They're cute. Noisy when necessary and a nice shade of gray. On my parent's property, they always hang out in between our homes and literally give me a heart attack when they fly off. How do they make so much noise???? I almost get diarrhea every time. Seriously. Every time.

Sea gulls. Parents and in laws of the bird world. These birds know no boundaries. They aren't really intimidated by anyone and they get all up in your business. They take what they want without asking and you always know they're around.

(There is no correlation between these birds and my parents or in laws. No sir. Not one. Just to set the record straight. I mean, sure my mother broke into my house on Monday with my child and stole about $14 in groceries, but I mean, she offered to pay for them.)

Did I mention that these birds squawk and squawk. I love it when the tourists come here and think..."Oh honey, this will be cute. Let's feed the little bird a piece of bread!" And then you know what happens? It looks like a scene from a Hitchcock movie. There are like a million birds everywhere. You can't escape!!! They're dive-bombing you left and right and circling you like you owe them something. Not to mention they have weird webbed feet that totally gross me out. And they harass one another.

(This has been intriguing, no?)

Life is so easily comparable to bird world. Really this post was going to be about the vultures and my tower and how I'm like 16% scared to go to my car when I get off because I think one might attack me. Those things are so gross. But it has turned into a sociological comparison of human interaction.

And birds.

Which totally freak Sarah out.

Birds.

You're welcome.

The New Year

2010-01-05T09:44:00.004-05:00

Last time we spoke it was New Year's Eve. Now it's the new year. (Do you always capitalize New Year? I mean, I was using "new" as an adjective two sentences ago....whatever.) So I'd like to wish you a formal and official HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Are you sick of hearing that yet? Lord knows I am. I mean, it's even made it's way onto people's email signatures. Really? So, when do you stop celebrating the new year? Perhaps I'm just too jaded to really enjoy it. I've never, ever been "into" New Year's Eve or Day. I've rarely watched the ball drop. Frankly, I just can't stay awake that long. I mean, I can, but you probably don't want to know me the next day. Or see me. And definitely not talk to me.

But I digress (as I do in 99% of my blog posts.)

Anyway, it's a new year. The crazy, obsessive side of me loves to sorta sit back and watch everyone jump on their bandwagon of choice. Everyone's hustling and bustling around. I went to go make a deposit at the bank yesterday and you would have thought the entire town of Port St. Joe had refused to do any banking during the past two weeks. There were so many people inside. Doing all sorts of crazy banking.

I need to stop here and talk about banking.

I don't know what it is, perhaps it's a small town thing, but people here are always doing all these crazy transactions at the teller windows. Like it takes people like ten minutes at the window. People here love to do all their banking in person. I think it's a small town thing. Therefore, you may ask why I'm standing in line too? It's because I work directly across the street from the bank. It takes less time to walk over to it than it would to get in my car and drive over. So I'm in there a lot. I've never had a complicated transaction. All my transactions are only deposits. If I need a withdrawal, I just go to the ATM. Not the teller. So I always wonder what people are doing to take so long at the window.

So anyway, there are all these people in line at the bank. I simply sign my check, write my account number on it, bypass the line and hand my check to the teller and she looks at me and says, "checking, right?" I said, "Yes, that's right." I don't want to say I was skipping the line. Because it's not like she did my transaction before anyone else's, because she didn't. It actually took her like 40 minutes before she did mine because I was stalking her, I mean, monitoring the transaction online.

So yeah, anyway, everyone's hustling and bustling. It's like this new year is a slate cleaner. People like to reinvent themselves. They just wake up on Jan 1 and are a completely different person. So keeping with the theme of the new year, I would like to now give you my list of things that I will attempt to do better/differently this new year. Please keep in mind that most of these will be broken before Feb. 1.

Just being honest.

House love. I am resolved (no longer to linger, charmed by the world's delight - for you Baptists out there.) to make our home a priority. The things we've been putting off like crown moldings, a backsplash, the yard, the driveway are hopefully all going to be a reality this year. I know yard work is hard and it takes a lot of time away from family, but I'm just going to have to do it. The yard isn't bad, at all. It just needs some weed treatment, new sod in places, etc. So, my house will be a top priority this year.
Weight loss. I am starting back on Weight Watchers after we grocery shop this weekend. I want to shed about 45 pounds by summer. I lost 30 in three months on WW, so I think I'll be able to do 45 by July.
Husband / Father. I really want to be better at both of these. I want to, ok I don't want to, but I am GOING to help Sarah out more with house and child things. I want us to be a dynamic team where we tackle everything together. Meaning, instead of her cleaning the inside of the house all alone, I'll help her and we'll just tag team everything when we can - which is basically what we do now, I just need to support her better.
Musicianship. This is going to be the year of my choir. I plan on pushing them more this year than ever before. I don't want to waste a single minute of rehearsal time. I want to see at least six new members join.
I don't want to be annoyed with words and phrases like: "sexting," "teachable moment," "friend (used as a verb)," "Obama (used as a verb or adjective), "Economic Crisis," "Housing Market" or "laser focused."
Actually, I think I'm removing number five from the list because I think I do still want to be annoyed with those and other words.
I want to make sure that my loved ones know they are loved. I want to tell them more often because I don't think I do that enough. I'll start now. A big "I LOVE YOU" goes out to: Sarah, Celie, Mama, Daddy, Mammaw, Nanny, Adam, Marci, Joy, Phil, Jenny, Glen, Chris, Susan, Charlet, Ashley, Ken, Susan, Patrick, Yvette, Lori, Kevin, Brooke, Sarah, Boopas, Melaine, William.....ok, this is harder than I thought. I can't list everyone. I mean, I'd like to, but I'd end up hurting someone's feelings, which I probably already have.
I only want friends who are like family to me. Most of those are mentioned above.
I want to make sure that "things" don't get in the way of relationships. Just because my best friends live four hours away doesn't mean I can't put stuff on hold to visit them. We're visiting this year!!! It's the year of the visit!!! You may hate us by 2011.
I want to stop wasting energy being annoyed with BS-ers. They are who they are. They know everything about everything and they're gonna BS you until you believe them. I can't worry about these people any more. I spent way too much time in '09 worried about BS-ers. (as a note, I apologize for using "BS." It isn't a nice word, but I don't know how else to say that. Maybe BC-ers?)
No more fast food. As much as it speaks to my very soul, I want to stop eating it. Except for Chick-fil-a which I adore and do not consider it unhealthy except for the fact that it's a fried chicken sandwich and fried waffle fries.
I want to make an active attempt to back-hand college kids who think they have people fooled. So parents, if I accidentally drop a bow on your kid, please know it's for their own good and someone needs to put them back into reality. "Hey kids, yeah you, I know you're partying hard at college. Kraft mac and cheese doesn't put 25 pounds on you that quickly."
I want to stop relying on the Internet so much. It is a time suck.

I'm tired now. I can't list anymore. So let's see....in the time I've written this post, I've officially broken 3 of my resolutions.

If anything I'm consistent.

This was way too long.

I'm hungry. Off to MacDonald's!!

It's 9:24....and I Want to Go to Sleep.

2009-12-31T21:24:00.002-05:00

It's New Year's Eve.

At 9:25 pm.

And I'm lying in our bed which just so happens to have no sheets (or anything) on it while Sarah is in the living room flipping between HGTV (no surprise) and PBS which has the New York Philharmonic ringing in the New Year with a special concert.

It's an exciting life we live I tell ya.

This is what's it's all come to. Celie is asleep in her bed/crib/trampoline. Lilly is on the couch snuggled up on a pillow and snoring. I'm wondering what I can eat next....

Oreos - check

Almonds - check

Left over chicken tender - check

Reese's Peanut Butter Cup - check

(what's wrong with me?)

And I love every minute of it. Uh oh, Sarah's making a move. I think she's coming in here. Yep, definitely is. I hear her closing up the armoire. Next, she's going to ask me to put all the bedding on - which I hate doing. Then she's going to cough, deeply exhale, moan a little as she rolls onto the bed, cough, say "I'm so sleepy", cough, ask me, "Do you think my prenatal vitamins are going to make me sick tonight?", and I'll respond, "Probably not since they haven't the last 15 times you've taken them.", cough, ask me again to go get the bedding, cough and go to sleep.

Well folks. Happy New Year to you. Tomorrow, we head to Panama City for a few things. I'm hoping to find the perfect solution for my 1/4 bathroom makeover!!

Have I talked about that yet? I can't remember. Here's the quick and dirty. We have the weirdest, most spatially-challenged 1/4 bath in our laundry room. There's no sink. No towel rack. Just a toilet which happens to be set way too far from the wall. If it weren't set out so far, we could but a nice sink in there and make it a nice functional powder room. Except it's in the laundry room.

"Yes, right this way Mrs. Dinner Guest. The powder room is right through that door. Don't mind the pile of whites there and the Sam's Club purchase of Bleach, Clorox Cleanup, Styrofoam plates and Diet Coke. You can just step right over it."

No.

*Sidenote* Either Sarah just died in the bathroom or the sound she just made was of her famous "throat clearing." You probably heard it in Texas, Alyson.

Anyway, the "powder room" will soon become my new walk-in pantry!!!! More really like a Butler's pantry. I'm going to shelve the entire 66" back wall with five shelves. It will be so awesome. My choir member/church member/friend/plumber is going to take out the toilet and "cap the lines" whatever that means. Then I'll put up the shelves, load the shelves with one million dollars in Sam's purchases and all will be right with the world.

*Sidenote* Our bathroom apparently doubles as the local Bath and Body works. All I smell is Eucalyptus and Mint.

My pantry will be awesome. I can't wait to get it going. I'll blog with you all later.

Have a great, non-drinking-and-driving, safe night!

The Fat Finger

2009-12-30T11:10:00.002-05:00

"fat finger"

That phrase is new to me. Well, I should say it's newer to me. I was only recently introduced to it a couple months ago. For those of you who don't know what it means, it's simply a way to describe a typo in an email, text, or any other document generated by using a keyboard.

Sorta like, "Oh, I guess I fat fingered the numbers on that spreadsheet."

Can I just say how much it grosses me out to hear that phrase? I fat fingered it. I mean, what? Your fingers are so fat they hit wrong numbers? My mind goes to so many places (mostly involving fried chicken grease) I can't even tell you.

But this lovely phrase brings up a good point about the infamous typo.

Most of you probably don't know this, but I am acutely aware of really bizarre details like: typing skills, handwriting, nose hair, incessant throat clearing, vocabulary choices, word pronunciation, slouchy socks and a few others. I notice these things right away, which is so strange, but I do.

Nonetheless, my professional, post college work life has solely been with the corporate world. I've always had email, computers and other technology all around me. I say this to convince you of my typing skills. I'm a good typer. I'm a fast typer. I'm an accurate typer. But it's because I've been typing my entire teen through adult life. Typing is like second nature to me. I don't have to look at the keyboard and can totally be doing something else while typing.

I'm not bragging, I promise.

So, when I see others in professional settings who also are using keyboards for their day-to-day work, but aren't so......proficient, I take notice (due to my problem mentioned above.)

Picture this:

I go to the bank to deposit some Christmas money. It consisted of some actual cash and some checks. I handed it all to the teller who starts keying it all in. Well, I notice that she FAT FINGERED (gross) one of the entries because I'm standing there watching her. She counts the money again, looks at the screen very confused, and recounts again. Then I tell her.

"I think you accidentally hit the 2 instead of the 0."

Which I know she did. I watched her.

She looks at me strangely and then back to her computer to see if I was right. Then she started looking at me like I was up to something or like my invisible twin was on the other side of the teller desk watching her. When really, all she needed to know was that it's just one of the things I notice.

I don't know what the point of this post was except to tell you about "fat finger" and some of my obsessive tendencies. However, I'll try to do what most big fancy bloggers who actually earn an income off their blogs do and leave you with a question (which will only receive about 4 responses.)

What are some of your crazy, obsessive tendencies????

Welcome Back!

2009-12-28T13:14:00.002-05:00

Whew.....

I feel like a college professor who has recently returned from sabbatical, which, by the way, I've always found particularly intriguing. I mean, to just leave work for like a year, but still get paid and not have to use vacation or sick time? I suppose that's how it works. I wouldn't know because I've never taken sabbatical.

But I digress.

It's been forever since we've last spoken and I wanted to make sure and update you on all that's been going on in our life, which I can say is just SO UNBELIEVABLY EXCITING.

Or not.

But first things first. You may recall this post where I mentioned some big news. It was so funny to read your responses. Everyone thought Sarah was pregnant.

By the way, Sarah is pregnant - due July 24.

But that wasn't the topic of that post because we didn't know she was pregnant. Apparently you all did and have an acute sense of her cycle and for that I salute you. I wish you all would have told me about your secret powers the week we decided to by a convertible VW Beetle and then the next week discover Sarah was pregnant with Celie.

But I'm no grudge holder. Well, sorta I am. But not about this.

Ok, moving on.

I have had the worst conviction recently about lifestyle. We've become a society of "gotta have it now." We have to have the latest and greatest. We blog so people have insight to our lives. We tweet so we know what people are doing every hour of the day. We facebook to "connect" with people we really don't even know that well. All this technology has made us very discontent. Everything in our world that is "consumer driven" is a convenience these days. After pondering this, I sat back and thought about all the things that make me angry.

My wool trousers are wrinkled
I can't eat pork tenderloin another night
My garage is dirty
Why can't my driveway be paved
How are there still Styrofoam peanuts all over my yard
My yard isn't healthy
My wireless Internet is slow

And then it hit me. There are people in this world who don't even know if they're going to eat today. There are people in OUR world who don't understand plumbing or clean water or sanitation or medicine or school. There are children who go undernourished every single day.

All they want is something to eat and drink. All they want is a warm house and a bed to sleep in. A mommy and daddy to tell them "I love you." And these basic things - things we take for granted each and every day - are all they yearn for.

So, we decided to help. We have officially become sponsor parents to a little girl in El Salvador. Her name is Ana. She is 10 years old. We decided to use Compassion International to help us make this decision. It only takes $39 per month to give her medications, clothes, food and a spot back in school. Ana still lives with her parents. Her dad continuously goes from job to job in an attempt to provide for their family, but it's rarely enough.

I'm not trying to sound like Sally Strouthers here (speaking of, remember her commercials?), but all I'm saying is $39 can change a life. Can completely change a life. I researched a lot of international aid organizations and Compassion just seemed to be the right fit for us. They're a Christian organization who has received some of the highest ratings for their work.

It's $39 a month. And it completely changes the life of a child.

I'm not asking you to sign up with Compassion, but I am asking you to evaluate what's really important in life. Be thankful for what you have. Be kind. Be patient. Be respectful. Remember to tell people how much you love them. Remember that not everyone has it as easy as you, and chances are, if you're able to read this blog using a computer and an Internet access, you've got it pretty easy in the grand scheme of things.

It's a small contribution to make each month to have such a lasting impact.

So there you have it. That was my big news. We're sponsor parents! (And expecting parents too!!)

Have a great week!

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T10:13:00.003-05:00

Hey everybody!!

Just wanted to say Merry Christmas to you. I've been out of pocket for a couple weeks, but I'll be back next week with plenty to talk about. Here's a sneak peak:

1) Big News revealed

2) More big news discovered

3) How I accidentally walked through Pet Smart with my shorts unbuttoned and unzipped

4) Christmas recap

5) Sarah's INSANE cough

Blog with you soon!!!

(Jamie - yes, I will reveal the "Big News." I've been waiting for a photo to scan in and finally got it so now the story can go on. Sorry for the delay - LOL, LOL.)

Clinically Insane, Party of One.

2009-12-09T10:43:00.005-05:00

*****LONG AND RAMBLY ALERT

LEAVE NOW IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE IT*****

I have two things to talk about today.

1. The fact that I’m about to start my period.

2. Why I choose to reason with a 22 month old.

So I’m about to start my period. You know how I know? I can’t stop eating. I mean, seriously. I

Can’t.

Stop.

Eating.

It’s like I’m a caged animal who was just dropped off at the nearest Golden Corral. Or Ryan’s. Or Pizza Hut (for the lunch buffet – yum.) I don’t know what my problem is. I’m almost concerned. After dinner last night, I could have seriously eaten an entire pan of homemade Rice Krispy Treats. And I’m not even going to tell you what all I consumed on Monday because it’s just plain embarrassing. But let me just say, it was a lot. I mean, a lot. It almost makes me tired from just thinking about it. My poor body. What am I doing to it?

I’ve also been a little moody and high-strung. My other two classic symptoms. Sarah hates the week before my period. Although, I don’t really recall what happens when I’m actually “on” my period since I’m not a girl, but whatever. I still have one and I’m not afraid to admit it.

I ate an “everything” bagel this morning and I could easily go to McDonalds right now and order two sausage biscuits. But that would be so horrible. I would never do that on a Wednesday. However, tomorrow is another day.

I also have been having major facial breakouts. Which is annoying. Because I’m thirty. But my face is so oily. I won’t get into it here, but let me tell you……there won’t be many wrinkles in this face in ten more years because of my oil issue.

And the fact that I have a fat face.

I don’t know why I have such oily skin, but I do. I don’t think either of my parents have oily skin. Lord knows my mother doesn’t. I don’t know. The point is, I’ve been breaking out and it’s annoying, but once again, a sign of my impending period. Not to mention I just said I wasn’t going to talk about this but did anyway.

Maybe this is my period. Maybe all these issues are my period since I’m all……you know…..a guy. And not a girl. Who actually has one. Whatever. I’m done with this topic now.

Moving on.

I haven’t truly figured out why I try to reason with my sweet little daughter. I think it’s because she’s so agreeable. You know, she answers “OK” to everything I ask her so I think she’s ready for logic and reasoning. Some of the things I find myself reasoning with her about are completely ridiculous and later I start laughing because I’m so out of control. I’ll list some specific examples here:

1. This morning while I was changing her, she pointed at my ring and said, “Daddy’s ring.” And I said, “That’s right Celie, that is Daddy’s wedding ring. You know what that means? It means that Daddy is married to Mommy forever and ever……..well, unless Mommy cheats on Daddy then Daddy will really have to think about the future, but if that happened I think it’s safe to say that you would come live with me, ok?”

Celie’s response, “OK.”

2. A couple nights ago, Celie was playing like a maniac in her room. She has this little art table that is plastic and sortof “grows with you.” It eventually becomes an easel at its last stage. I tell you that because it’s not like a sturdy solid wood table. I mean, it’s sturdy, but Sarah doesn’t need to stand on it to do her dances like she does in the dining room - but I digress. So anyway, Celie started to climb on top of it (a bad habit she’s picked up recently) and I said to her, “Celie, you don’t get on top of that table, ok? You could fall off and hurt yourself, or worse, you could fall and break your arm and we’d have to rush you over to the emergency room where you’d be in a lot of pain and I don’t think I could deal with that, ok?”

Celie’s response, “OK.”

3. Celie was eating dinner. When she’s hungry she eats like she’s never seen food. Ever. Sometimes she crams all the food in her mouth which totally sends me to my unhappy place. Mainly because choking is now my #1 fear (it moved up the ladder when Autism, pediatric cancer, brain development issues and having the organs on the outside of her body were all ruled out.) By the way, that last sentence is not a joke. I seriously obsessed about all of those issues for nine months and am in no way mocking those conditions. So anyway, anytime she crams food in mouth, I get all tense and almost break out in hives waiting for her to choke. So when she performed this little trick last week I said to her, “Celie, I need you to not cram all that food in your mouth. You could get choked and I would have to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on you, which I probably couldn’t do because I would be hysterical and then you die right in front of me and Mommy and Daddy would be devastated and really wouldn’t know how to go on with life without you in it, so I need you to only bite off what you need and chew it up, ok?”

Celie’s response, “OK.”

She’s so agreeable. I love it.

Now someone pass me my Xanex.

The Ant and the Grasshopper

2009-12-02T15:36:00.001-05:00

(Alyson, I know you'll love this.)

OLD VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Work hard and be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.' ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.” Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight. Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses, bringing the rest of the free world with it.

Thanksgiving Recap.......you know you want it.

2009-11-30T16:40:00.004-05:00

I think I gained 15 pounds over the weekend.

Seriously.

Riddle me this: Why is it almost more exhausting to go away for the holiday than just normal daily routine? Oh right…….that’s because Celie is now involved.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving, a low-key one, but lovely. We also had a limited menu because Sarah’s parents had to work the day before and after Thanksgiving and they work 12-hour shifts. Our menu was: Turkey, Dressing, Green Bean Casserole, Sweet Potatoes, Crescent Rolls (or Cru-sahnts as my MIL, Joy likes to call them), Pecan Pie and Pumpkin Pie (thank you Joy for “making those” – they were superb.)

I have to stop here because I’m laughing at the thought of this. You may remember THIS POST about Joyisms. Yes, she has a way with words. I have a new one to add to the mix and I’d like to share it now.

Joy, like my own mother, is a master gravy maker. I am not. When we got the turkey out of the roaster all the delicious drippings were left over. I strained them out leaving a pure, smooth turkey stock (from a dry brine thank you very much – and thank you Williams Sonoma.) So, after the straining, Joy begins to work her magic on the gravy and we begin talking about all things gravy at this point. Phil (Sarah’s dad) is sitting at the bar licking his lips, dying to taste-test something…..just ANYTHING – (I believe that was an exact quote.) Phil says to me:

“I guess your family isn’t big gravy people???”

(Pardon me while I belly laugh at this)

“HA! Oh yes, they are very serious about their gravy. My dad won’t even eat rice or potatoes without it. They are big giblet gravy people too, but I don’t make that because I’m not crazy about it.”

“Oh, do they put all the entrails and egg in it too?”

“Yep, I think they totally do.”

(Brace yourself………..)

Joy: “That’s what I used to eat growing up, but I’ve never been a big fan of Lizards.”

(Matthew looking at Phil very confused)

Matthew: “Ummmm, Lizards????”

Joy: “Yeah, I just don’t eat that stuff.”

(Well, who does really?)

Matthew: “Do you mean gizzards????”

(Phil shaking his head and holding in a laugh)

Joy: “Oh yes….gizzards.”

The fun never stops.

So, we had a great meal and pretty much passed out afterward except the monkey that we found on the side of the road (Celie) was as crazy as a sprayed roach. After some serious lounging, the debate started as to whether we should go black Friday shopping at midnight at the outlets, aka, Heaven.

I mean, have we become those people?

Yes. We have.

So, as all normal people do, Sarah and I went to sleep at 7:00 and woke up at 11:00 to get ready and go. It was so cold, but I was all like, “No one is going to be there. We’ll just zip in and zip out.”

HA! Joke’s on you fat boy!

Not only were there a lot of people out, but we had to park across highway 98 in the back of a grocery store parking lot. As we sprinted across the street freezing our whoo-whoo’s off, my eyes could not believe the amount of people.

Some people in PJ’s, some dressed to the nines, some clearly just escaped from prison and then there was us. Shorts, flip-flops and a sweat shirt. I was dying. However, it was all worth it because at the end of the day, I got a pair of $225 shoes for $85 and three shirts that would have been $175 for $90!!!!

SCORE!

Sarah got an amazing deal on a Cricut the next day, but I’m sure she’s going to blog about that.

The best part? Whataburger at 3:00 am.

No, not a burger and fries thank you very much.

A taquito and sausage, egg and cheese biscuit (which could have been the best one I’ve ever had.)

We made it back home, fell asleep and got up and left at 7:00 the next morning for more deals.

Christmas shopping is over!!!

Except a gift for my dad who is by virtue, the most difficult person to shop for because he gives you NOTHING TO GO BY. Not a hint, a clue, or an idea.

My mom says to get him nothing until he tells you.

Yeah right.

Hope you had a wonderfully, happy Thanksgiving like we did!!!

Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me

2009-11-19T23:48:00.002-05:00

Because my blog is so full of deep, soul-searching, thought-provoking content, I thought it would be fun to mix it up a bit and give you some personal fluff. This idea spells "list mania" to me!!! Yeah, that's it. Let's list some things you probably don't know about me....or who knows, some of you might know all of this. Whatever...

1) I hate the color purple. Not, The Color Purple (I love that), but the actual color purple. Sadly enough, it was one of my high and middle school colors. Purple. Purple and Gold really. Purple, Gold and a little White (the shark's team is outta sight!!! - if we're finishing the cheer.)

2) I have never been to New York City. One third of me is saddened by this, one third feels like it's a little (or a lot) overrated, and one third would rather go to Colorado instead. Question. Does anyone watch "The City" on MTV? If so, how accurate is it depicting the actual city? I have to say that I'm sorta intrigued by all the "boroughs" of NYC and the sweeping generalizations that come with them.

3) I love episodes of "Mama's Family." I can't help it. Vicky Lawrence + Carol Burnett x Harvey Korman / Dorothy Lyman = MAGIC!

4) I am a seasoned athlete. I have been on baseball, football and golf teams in my younger day. I played baseball forever - right field, catcher (huge mistake), third base (once). I was on MTI, then The Stars! I was a Tackle in football. I had a +8 handicap in golf. You're welcome.

5) I love frozen fish sticks. And I'm not kidding. It's probably been well over two years since I've had any.....maybe. But I love them. What's more? I love them with melted cheese on white bread with ketchup. Love. I am in love with this sandwich.

6) I grew up a restaurant kid. My family owned THE BEST seafood restaurant for almost 40 years. I used to pretend "fire" employees. I used to make them play make believe with me as if we were on a train to Disney World (I would make them line up tons of chairs in a row like a train.) As a child I played behind a full bar and knew dozens of types of alcohol. I even knew that Tequila had a worm in it. And yet I never touched the stuff. As a note, I used the word "make" in this point for emphasis only. Of course I didn't MAKE anyone do anything....I'm not Mariah Carey for crying out loud.

7) Sometimes I repeat actions because I know it's going to make me really mad. For example, there's a blog that Sarah visits frequently. She has it listed as one of the blogs she reads. I absolutely cannot stand it. Simply because I feel like the author of the blog is trying too hard to be funny and quippy. And I am so overly annoyed by the author's writing and personal style. And I know it's going to make me mad and irritated every time I read it. Yet, I go back daily. This is just one very, very simple example.

8) I own 39 long sleeve Brooks Brothers button-downs and 29 Lacoste polos. I know this because I just counted them. Because I have nothing better to do at 12:25 AM while Sarah and Lilly are trying to sleep. The brands aren't important except that it should show you just how obsessive I am in "real life."

9) I am still holding on to a lot of "feelings" around two of my former friends. Friends that I was very, very close to. These feelings aren't good ones. They're also not necessarily bad (which I need to point out because my mother will leave a comment that says I won't go to heaven if I have any bad feelings in my heart.) They're just weird, if-I-see-you-in-public-I-will-more-than-likely-avoid-you-because-I-could-either-burst-into-tears-or-hit-you kinda feelings. All very simple and non-complex.

10) I HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE licorice. With a passion. I think I'd rather die than eat it. I seriously cannot stand it. I dry heave just thinking about it. Gross. Puke. Gag. Hate.

11) I hate words like "Licorice" that are pronounced like "Lick-or-ish" but are spelled like "Licorice." I mean, why? Oh yes, by the way, certain words and phrases really make me crazy (since we're on the subject.) Words like: moist, irregardless, foyer (when pronounced "foy-yay" - be it correct or not.), and taught (as in pulling something taught.) Phrases like: And things of that nature, It's been a hard day on my desk, and Whatcha know good?

12) I do not, will not, cannot watch scary movies. It's not that I believe the plot could actually happen, but I just do not enjoy practicing for a heart attack. I really dislike scary movies. Keep in mind that I consider the "The Sixth Sense" a scary movie.

13) I want a Yamaha U1, upright, black (obviously) piano so badly I can taste it. I want to play it. I want Celie to play it. I want to put it where our little buffet table is. If you buy it for me, I will play for you whenever you want for an entire year. Make it two. For two years, I'll play for you. I'll be your personal pianist!

14) At one point I thought I was going to stop blogging. But with content like this, why would I stop?

15) I cannot use public restrooms for number two unless I'm in a complete state of emergency. States of Emergency include: A recent feast of BBQ, breakfast food "out", a stomach bug, anything with pesto, collard greens.

16) I owe the IRS $233 from 2007 taxes. Wha???? They just sent me a letter. I mean, $233? Trust me when I ask, aren't there bigger fish to fry? Trust me, there are. Let me walk you down the street and show you.

17) I have a secret obsession with penmanship. I will judge you based on your penmanship....but only for a second until I snap out of it.

18) I am bored with this post.

19) I really, really want to meet and talk with Travis Cottrell about worship. I need to ask him what goes on in his head with some of these amazing songs he creates. He's my earthly, musical idol. I'm pretty sure I would make a fool of myself if I ever got the chance.

20) (Finally, 20. I thought it would never get here.) Ummmmm, want Lasik surgery but am COMPLETELY terrified to even consider it. But just think, wouldn't it be amazing to wake up, rub your eyes, and be able to see the clock without squinting? Can you imagine??????

Weekly With Rhobie - Episode #2

2009-11-17T10:20:00.002-05:00

You all may remember this post from a few days ago with my co-worker Rhobie. Well, so many of you (3) contacted me and told me how much you enjoyed reading it (although you didn't comment on the blog, but whatever,) that I thought it would be fun to have a "weekly with Rhobie" every week. We tend (read, always) to have meaningless conversations in the morning and throughout the day, so whenever we have one that I feel is blog worthy, I'll simply paste it into the blog without Rhobie's knowledge or permission.

Fun, right?

So, here you go. Another mind-numbingly interesting conversation.

You'll thank me later. Promise.

********************

Rhobie: OMG

Rhobie: I didn't tell you what I did

Matthew: ??

Rhobie: I went running last friday night

Rhobie: and ran right by my hair guy who I've been cheating on

Rhobie: and of course he saw my hair

Rhobie: and he yelled hi

Rhobie: and I yelled hi and kept running

Matthew: lol

Matthew: awesome

Rhobie: and it was so awkward and I didn't know if I should stop and over explain (as you know I do)

Rhobie: or just keep running

Rhobie: omg

Rhobie: how awful

Matthew: wow

Matthew: lol

Rhobie: and so

Rhobie: I thought about it and stressed about it my whole run

Matthew: you and C-note are over

Rhobie: of course

Rhobie: and so

Rhobie: when I got home I immediately sent him an email

Rhobie: over explaining how I have been cheating on him

Rhobie: but it's not him

Rhobie: it's me

Rhobie: and I just needed a fresh set of hands but I'll be back

Matthew: you cannot be serious

Rhobie: and on and on

Rhobie: Oh I am serious

Matthew: you sent him an email

Rhobie: dead serious

Rhobie: yes

Matthew: did he respond?

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: he did

Matthew: with?

Rhobie: he told me I was "too cute"

Rhobie: and I did not need to worry

Matthew: except when he screws you up next time

Rhobie: and he personally felt that it was good for clients to "take a vacation"

Rhobie: and that everything is good

Rhobie: and so now

Rhobie: I feel much better

Matthew: whew

Rhobie: I am at peace

Matthew: well, glad that's over

Rhobie: I know

Rhobie: me too

Matthew: so, you're going back to him?

Matthew: you're over your "short cut girl?"

Rhobie: no no

Rhobie: I am going to her again

Matthew: I see

Rhobie: but I'll probably go to him again in the next round or 2

Matthew: well all I can say is "that was a tough one."

Matthew: I mean

Matthew: the recession and if we get to keep our jobs or not is NOTHING compared to a "run by" viewing of your new hair by your old stylist who didn't cut your new hair.

Matthew: I'm drinking coffee by the way

Matthew: at this moment

Rhobie: LOL

Rhobie: great

Rhobie: I am so glad you drink coffee

Matthew: are you?

Matthew: there are several people who are

Matthew: I feel like I'm being peer pressured into doing something I know is wrong

Rhobie: good

Rhobie: that's how you should feel

Matthew: oh good

Matthew: then I'm on target

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: you are

Matthew: I feel almost like I just bought a dozen doughnuts and am hiding them in my office

Rhobie: LOL

Matthew: but I don't think I should feel that way

Rhobie: no coffee is so much better than that

Matthew: because I use splenda now

Rhobie: it keeps you skinny

Matthew: so does crack

Matthew: hmmmm

Rhobie: it also reduces cellulite

Rhobie: and you can use the grinds as an exfoiliator

Matthew: I don't think I have any cellulite

Rhobie: oh fine

Rhobie: be like that

Matthew: how can I use spelnda as an exfoliator?

Matthew: oh oh oh

Matthew: coffee grounds

Rhobie: lol

Rhobie: yes

Matthew: gross

Matthew: that stuff is nasty

Rhobie: (but I might have made that up)

Matthew: probably

Rhobie: I just like to think of all the good things that coffee can do for you

Matthew: because it's all mushy and gross

Rhobie: but it's rough

Rhobie: like exfoilator

Matthew: I can't wait to purchase it from a coffee chain store

Matthew: like I'm a regular

Matthew: getting it from the bagel shop has made my learning so much easier

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: that's true

Matthew: so now when I go to Dunkin Doughnuts, I'll just be like, "large with cream and splenda."

Rhobie: is that light and sweet?

Rhobie: or is that something else

Rhobie: what does light and sweet mean

Matthew: omg - is that an option???

Matthew: I have no idea

Rhobie: it is

Matthew: now I'm stressed

Matthew: ugh

Rhobie: people go to Dunk and order a large coffee light and sweet

Matthew: really????

Matthew: I'm glad you told me

Rhobie: I think you could do that and say "large light and sweet with splenda"

Matthew: we should ask Doug

Matthew: he goes all the time

Matthew: to DD

Rhobie: oh really?

Matthew: doesn't he?

Rhobie: i dont know

Matthew: well great.

Matthew: now I'm screwed

Rhobie: no no

Rhobie: we'll find out

********************

You're welcome.

Excitement

2009-11-13T11:16:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I have some pretty special news to share.

But it's going to be about 15 days before I can really talk about it.

This isn't news like, "oh look at how awesome Matthew is."

It's news like, "Wow. What a great thing, I want to do that too."

I'll explain later.

So, I'll be posting blogs per normal, but just know there's something special coming in about 15 days.

BIG NEWS!

2009-11-12T11:13:00.001-05:00

I have major news.

I mean, this is serious.

I have just completed my third consecutive day of having coffee in the morning.

And I feel like my heart could explode at any given moment.

I’ve never been a coffee drinker. Ever. I think it all stems from my issues with hot beverages. I generally don’t like them. I mean, I don’t want liquid fire sitting on my tongue. It’s just not pleasant to me. Hot chocolate? Nope. But I’ll take a nice lukewarm chocolate please!

As a sidenote, I feel the same way about soup.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel a little more sophisticated with my new-found love of coffee. Except, my unfamiliarity is totally broadcasted when I prepare it. You know what I mean. Hardcore, serious coffee drinkers take no time to prepare their coffee. They put in like one pack of equal and a splash of cream. A quick stir and they’re off the office. Me? Not so much.

A half cup of cream and twelve packets of sugar later, I’m still all….”hmmmmm, it’s just not right. Maybe it needs more cream?” Meanwhile, the other patrons are looking at me disapprovingly, like, “He clearly just started drinking yesterday.”

I may as well get some flavored syrup (or a shot as they call it) added in.

But that would be silly because I’m a serious coffee drinker now.

So yes, it looks like I’m a chemist when I’m preparing my coffee – sue me. Then the fun part comes. I get to walk around town and my office with the fancy take-out coffee cup with the cute, branded, cardboard, slip-cover thing on the cup. I’m guessing this is because the cup is hot to the touch? I feel fancy with this, like I’m “one of the in-crowd now.”

Most people in my office parade around with their porcelain mugs or stainless travel mugs. Nope. Not me. I feel like that dates you a little. Sorta like Ugg boots.

I need to stop here and talk about Ugg boots. I don’t get them. They have to be the most grossly unattractive shoe(?) in the entire world. And no, I don’t care that they’re Australian. They’re ugly. So very ugly. So very, “I’m a lady, yet a lumberjack, and I wear flannel, unless I’m wearing a short denim skirt with leggings, Ugg boots and a vest.”

Puke.

So anyway, I feel like the actual “mug” dates you. Sorta like you’ve worked here for at least twelve years. These are the same people who keep their mugs on their desks and I would almost bet there’s a ring at the bottom of the mug from old coffee that just doesn’t get rinsed out very well.

I don’t want to be that person.

I want to be trendy Starbucks boy. Except I DO NOT want to be, nor feel it necessary to be, the person who spends $9.00 on a coffee drink. Did I think I would probably love the pumpkin spice latte? BY ALL MEANS!!! But frankly, I don’t know what a latte is…..and how it differs from actual coffee. Plus I feel like all those drinks are full of unnecessary calories (but that theory is mostly based on those refrigerated Starbucks drinks that came out some time ago that look like they taste like a Yahoo.)

So who really knows.

I could totally be off-base.

What I’m asking you all is a simple question.

Where do I start? I’ve been doing just basic coffee with a little cream and three packets of sugar (true story.) Is there something else I should try? Is there something that has more benefits? Is there something that is just as yummy lukewarm?

Help me, but first, congratulate me on coming to the darkside!!!

But by darkside I do not mean blackside as in my coffee is black like my grandmothers drink it because that would be disgusting.

By the way, I’m already struggling with coffee breath. Any tips on that?

A Scary Halloween

2009-11-09T13:52:00.007-05:00

I'm aware it's November 9.

These photos were taken at our downtown trick or treat event - properly referred to as - Ghost on the Coast.

I have to share them.

I'm sorry if any of the pictures are of you.

Not really.

I am speechless. And not in the good way. It's like a citizen of Rome stepped into a pool of Pepto. Bad, bad, bad. They can't be comfortable of your feet, I mean, my eyes hurt.

For those of you who do not live in Port St. Joe, the "Pig" is referring to the local grocery store, The Piggly Wiggly. That's the real name. It's not a joke. I sorta wish it was. The navy blue t-shirt is the front of the shirt. The nice royal (?) blue shirt is the back. Ummmm. It's fine really. It's just not me, per se. I just don't know if I could wear a shirt telling people I'll see them at the Pig.

The Pig.

awesome.

Moving on......

I need to go ahead and clear a few things up:

Yes, that is an adult.
Yes, I too enjoy the "off the shoulder" look.
I enjoy that adult costume makers attempt the slightly flare-legged pant.

As I look back at this picture, I am reminded of a time when my company used to walk in the annual Christmas parade. One year, we were walking in front of a group of chain-smoking, spandex-clad, 55 year old "Santa's helpers." I'll never forget it. It haunts me to this day.

They were not skinny.

By any stretch (ehem, ehem.)

But they worked that spandex like it was their job.

Which actually could have been.

How I Get My Work Day Started

2009-10-28T10:56:00.005-04:00

With really, really, deep conversation.

This particular IM conversation started at about 8:10 am.

Rhobie is my co-worker in New York State.

Enjoy!

Matthew: i hate it when I buy a can of mixed nuts

Matthew: and they're mostly peanuts

Rhobie: you and I would be a good pair

Rhobie: I like the peanuts

Rhobie: and hate the rest

Rhobie: hate mixed nuts

Matthew: really???

Rhobie: yes

Matthew: I love the cashews

Matthew: and almonds

Rhobie: oh I like almonds

Rhobie: they are ok

Matthew: I LOVE them

Rhobie: I prefer to dip them in peanut butter though

Rhobie: i do not like cashews unless they are covered in chocolate

Matthew: REALLY???

Matthew: I am amazed by that statement

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: really

Matthew: what about the brazil nut?

Rhobie: i guess they are ok

Rhobie: I kinda like those

Matthew: I love the texture of those

Rhobie: yes I know exactly what you mean

Matthew: the hazelnuts I could do without

Rhobie: oh I like those

Rhobie: what else is in there

Matthew: omg

Matthew: so really

Matthew: you like everything but cashews

Rhobie: yeah...

Rhobie: I guess

Rhobie: I will avoid cashews at all costs in a mixed nut container

Rhobie: the others I will eat

Rhobie: reluctantly

Rhobie: except for peanuts and almonds

Rhobie: but also - I dont like salt on my nuts

Rhobie: except for on the peanuts

Matthew: really

Matthew: no salt at all?

Matthew: I get the "lightly salted" ones

Matthew: I can't do the overly salted ones

Matthew: they're way too salty

Rhobie: that might be ok....although I really don't like salt on the other nuts

Matthew: well

Matthew: this has been great

Matthew: oh

Matthew: do you like the pecans

Rhobie: only candied in a salad

Matthew: I love nuts in salad

Rhobie: ME TOO

Rhobie: I think that's where they belong

Matthew: in brownies?

Rhobie: yes

Rhobie: love

Rhobie: but tom hates

Matthew: period or just in brownies?

Rhobie: he hates them in brownies and breads and cookies

It's like a brain trust, wouldn't you say?